No Light in your bright blue eyes
by ICraveYou
Summary: Lydia is heartbroken after Jackson has left her. Everything seems to fall to pieces all over again. But this time there is someone who catches her before she falls. Someone who'd made her life a living hell who now seems to be the only one able to make her feel better. Peter Hale. But can she trust him after what he'd put her through?
1. Chapter 1: I'm about to lose my mind

**CHAPTER one  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

"_He has just left you. He couldn't really love you, could he? Why would he have left if he really did care about you?"_

_It was the same dream, just the dream I've had these past few weeks. Every. Single. Night. If I weren't so afraid of these dreams, I'd probably would have get bored already. But these weren't the kind of dreams you got bored of. It weren't exactly dreams either – it was a nightmare. The same one. Every single night. And I couldn't do anything about it. I don't know why he started visiting me in my dreams again. I didn't even knew how he could do it. He just did. He was there, every night in my dreams, all the time._

_Peter Hale._

_And he wouldn't let me forgive that I've just lost the one person in the world that meant more to me than any other person. The one person I've loved so much that I'd have done anything for him. But the thing is – Peter was right. I hated to admit it. But he was. Jackson had left me. Just like that. The night before he had been with me and on the following day... He'd vanished. I would have thought that something might have happened to him. But it had been his own choice to go away. And he didn't even bother telling me himself. All that was left of him was the letter I had found on his empty side of the bed the next morning. Since then I hadn't heard anything of him. And I don't think he would ever come back. He had left me. He had broken my heart. But it didn't matter. I wouldn't give in to the pain._

_But it would have been so much easier to just push away the pain and the heartbreak if Peter just stopped reminding me of it every damn night._

"_Why are you always here? What do you want from me? You got what you wanted... You're up walking again, all alive and shiny. So why do you keep coming back tormenting me?"_

_Peter smiled that terrifying yet somehow flashing smile. He mocked me. I knew that. He'd treated me like I was a little girl. Some stupid little girl he could scare. And the worst part was that he was able to do that – he scared the hell out of me, but I always tried not to let it show. But he knew anyway. He always knew and he enjoyed it._

_One would think that I would get used to seeing him every night. And he really didn't scare me like he used to anymore – you know, when I've thought I was in some horror movie almost every time I closed my eyes. Now it was different... He was different. For one thing, he didn't look like a burned corpse anymore, which was the only good thing, I suppose. But his presence and what he said was almost more terrifying than him haunting me the way he had done before he'd awaken again. He knew exactly what he had to say to me to hurt me. And that was the most scaring thing anyone had ever done to me._

"_I can't tell you that, Lydia. Not yet. You'll see soon enough..." He came closer to me. How I hated it when he did that. I didn't want him near me. But I couldn't run away from him in these dreams. I would only wake up when he wanted me to wake up. These dreams never ended before he wanted them to end._

_I swallowed hard, trying to ignore him. But that was impossible, of course. How could you ignore the monster that had tormented you for several weeks? I thought he'd be done with me once he'd gotten what he wanted._

_The strangest thing was that these dreams had only started again after Jackson had left. Maybe he wasn't really there. Maybe I was just going crazy for good now, imagining all of this._

_But I knew better. He _was _real._

"_You know, I really thought he deserved you. But now I think he was as stupid as he looked." He looked at me, still smiling. Then he reached out to me, touching a strand of my red hair. I shivered at his touch. I didn't want him to touch me and he knew it. That's why he liked touching me. "You deserve way more better than this, Lydia. You are meant to do much greater things... In time, you'll see. You'll see that you and I are both meant to do greater things – together."_

"_I don't think I want to join your little villain club," I said, even though his words made me shiver even more. What the hell was he talking about? "That is what you are, isn't it? You're evil." I glared at him, putting all the hate I felt for this horrible man in just one glare. But he still smiled. Of course I didn't scare him. Why should he be scared of me, when _he _was the monster? "You shouldn't picture the world in just black and white. Haven't you learned anything yet, Lydia?"_

And then I woke up. Just like that. These dreams never had a real ending – they would just end. I would wake up and I couldn't make myself to go back to sleep again because I was just too afraid to meet him again in my dreams. I haven't really been able to sleep for the past few nights and I got more stressed out with each passing night. I think I might collapse if I didn't got at least one full night of sleep soon.

I sighed and then got out of bed, knowing exactly that I wouldn't fall asleep again. Taking a look at the clock on my little bedside cabinet, I knew that it was far too early to get dressed for school yet.

Even though I knew I shouldn't, I grabbed for the letter Jackson had left me. I should have burned that damn thing, but I couldn't make myself do it. I couldn't destroy the very last bit I had of him, no matter how much it hurt reading it. And I couldn't stop reading it. I've read it every night since he went away, punishing myself even more. But for what exactly did I punish myself for? It wasn't my fault that Jackson went away. It had been his choice entirely... But I just felt like that I should have known somehow. I should have felt that something was wrong. I should have made him stay here in Beacon Hills, here with me. Why couldn't he have stayed? We were happy. We were together. We could have figured out everything else together. What had happened had still tormented him, I knew that. But I had tried to be there for him as best as I could. He'd let me be with him... I had thought that everything would be fine now. But instead I had lost him for good now.

I didn't read Jackson's letter, though. I just laid back in my bed, hugging that simple and useless piece of paper hard to my chest. Right to the point where my heart was. I felt tears sting my eyes. I never, ever let anyone see how much I really suffered. I wanted everyone to think of me as a strong, confident and independent girl – Lydia Martin didn't need a boy to make her happy. And it was true. I didn't need a boy to make me happy. I needed Jackson. But he was gone and I didn't know if this empty space inside me would ever go away. But at least everyone on the outside should think that I could handle Jackson dumping me – again – well. I didn't want to be the girl with the broken heart.


	2. Chapter 2: Visit At Midnight

**CHAPTER two  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

When I was in school a few hours later, no one could see that I had cried just the other night. I'd made sure of that, of course.

But I had to admit that I didn't think that anyone would notice if I just would let it show how much I actually suffered. They wouldn't care. I mean, of course they'd notice. And they'd look at me in this strange way, they'd give me this sympathetic look... But I didn't need anyone's sympathy. I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me. But sometimes I thought about talking to someone. To someone who cared about how I felt, to a friend... The truth was, though, that I didn't think I had any real friends at the moment. My so-called friends had left me in the dark for several months. They didn't even notice how bad I felt, didn't notice how I was about to lose my mind further and further. I still met Allison, though. We've spent some time together every week after school and we were in a lot of classes together. But Allison and I had separated... I don't know if it'd only started after Jackson left or if it started even before. I guess before.

You know, it was kind of strange to think about how Peter Hale was the only one who'd actually told me something about the... well, _other-worldly _things going on around Beacon Hills. He might be a crazy, psychotic and evil psycho, but at least he'd been honest – or, well, not entirely honest, but at least he didn't let me in the dark. But that didn't make it right what he had put me through. I still hated him and I just wanted him to leave me alone. But no one of my "friends" had ever told me anything. I had to discover for myself what was going on and after I'd witnessed Jackson turning from a Kanima into a werewolf, he'd told me all the rest of it. It still hurt to know that my friends probably didn't care enough about me to tell me anything.

No, I wouldn't let myself think about anyone – especially not about Peter Hale. How was it possible that this man still got under my skin that much? He scared the hell out of me and still I felt somehow connected to him. Why was _I _the one to dream about him when he'd been dead? He didn't seem to visit his nephew in his dreams – but maybe he did. Maybe that was why Derek looked so angry all the time, like he was always in pain or something. But I truly doubted that Peter was able to visit anyone's dreams except for mine. But I didn't want to be connected to him. Because being connected to him, no matter in which way, meant that there was clearly something not right about me.

"Lydia..." I heard his voice before I saw him and I could hardly hold in an annoyed sigh. Stilinski. Again. He'd tried to talk to me a lot these past few days and even though I knew he only wanted to be kind, I still didn't want to see him. It was strange – on the one hand, I wanted people to care about me and on the other hand I just wanted to be as strong and independent as I could. I didn't want to need anyone.

"Stiles," I just said but didn't look at him. "What do you want?" Stiles came before me to a halt, smiling his innocent yet somehow sweet smile. He wasn't as bad as I'd always thought he was. Or, well... Admittedly, until a few months ago I didn't even know that he existed. But Stiles was nice. He might be strange sometimes, but nice nonetheless. And he was the only person who really did care about me at the moment.

"Well, I just wanted to ask if I... uhm... I could walk you to class, I mean." I smiled, amused. He always seemed to be this ironic and sarcastic geek but when we were alone, he was shy and sometimes couldn't even bring himself to form proper sentences. But I had to think about this one time when we had been together, right after I'd thought Jackson was dead. How he'd implied that he couldn't live in a world in which I didn't exist anymore... It had scared me what he'd said – and yet it had amazed me at the same time. I guess I just hadn't realized at the time how much I really meant to Stiles. But I didn't want to imply something that wasn't there. I was not in love with Stiles. And I would never be. It didn't have anything to do with him, though. I just had decided that I would never, ever fall in love again. Not with anyone.

"I suppose you could, yes." Stiles beamed at that. We walked to class together in silence. He tried to talk to me a few times, but seemed to think better of it. I didn't know if he just did not want to annoy me or if he just sensed that I wasn't in the mood for smalltalk today. "So... here we are," I said when we stood before the math classroom. Stiles looked at me, uncertain, before he gave me a little smile. "Do you want to sit together at lunch or...-" "Don't try to push your luck, Stilinski," I interrupted him before just turning away and going into the classroom. Still, though I didn't feel like it, I smiled.

The rest of the day was like a blur. It grew dark before I even realized the day had almost come to an end. But I didn't want to go to sleep yet. I didn't want to see Peter again. But I knew that I had no choice; the sleep would come eventually and I couldn't do anything about it. If Peter wanted to visit my dreams again, he'd just do it. I had no say in that, unfortunately.

Jackson's letter still laid on my back, where I'd left it this morning. I wanted to put it away but I couldn't... I knew it was pure and utter foolishness to read it again, but I just had to. Even though it broke my heart reading his letter. It happened every single time.

I laid back on my back and started reading the letter, but I didn't get to finish it this time. It was like sleep took over me more fiercely than I had thought it would just after I'd read the the first few words – _Dear Lydia, I know you will hate me for what I did, but... – _and I felt like my eyelids were so heavy I just didn't manage to keep them open. And then it was like unconsciousness washed over me. I just fell asleep like that...

… And I woke up in the middle of the night. It was still dark outside, but I didn't dream. Peter hadn't visited my dreams tonight. Wow. That was new. I had no idea why I hadn't dreamed about him. It was strange. I know I should've felt relieved. Maybe it was over... Maybe not dreaming about Peter meant I was getting better. Maybe I didn't go crazy at all. Maybe me dreaming about Peter had been some crazy side effect caused by the pain I'd felt when Jackson had left me.

"Missed me, sweetheart?"

It was like my nightmares had come true at last. Maybe I wasn't awake at all. Maybe I was still sleeping. Please... Please just let me be still asleep. But I knew it was real. _Really _real. Peter was here. I didn't flinch like he surely had expected me to, but my heart was filled with terror. I looked up and there he was... Leaning over me, having this mocking smile on his lips. I'd love to just punch him in his face, but I was too stunned to do anything.

"What is going on?"

I tried to put as much firmness in my voice as possible, but it shivered slightly. Peter noticed that, of course. He seemed to notice anything about me – even before I did. "Well, I thought visiting you in your dreams got a bit boring. I thought it'd be nice to pay you a real visit this time." "I think we have some different views on what is nice and what not." His smile grew even wider, even more mocking. "Come on, Lydia. Let's get going." "I'll sure as hell not go anywhere with you! You're a psychotic, self-observed, wanna-be-world-ruler and I don't trust you. I just want you to leave me alone!" "I'm afraid I cannot do that..." Peter got on one knee beside my bed so we were eye to eye. I didn't want to look straight into his eyes, but he held my gaze in such a strong way I couldn't manage to look away. It was like he looked right into my soul and it was the most terrifying thing I could imagine. Of all people, I didn't want him to know about my thoughts and feelings. But I had a feeling he already knew too much about me. "Well, you know, let's put it this way: I could always just force you to go with me, Lydia. You know you have no chance of getting rid of me before I want to leave. I'm much more stronger than you. But since I kind of like you I want to give you a choice."

"Threatening me is not really giving me a choice." He smiled again. "True. But... let's pretend I just gave you a choice to accompany me on a little walk and you said yes, shall we?"

Rolling my eyes, I got out of bed. To be honest, right now I wasn't even that scared of him – he was terrifying and I hated him. He'd put me through hell and back. But all I felt for him right now was annoyance. He just thought he'd get his way with everything. And he probably did.

I grabbed a sweatshirt, not sure how to put it on without changing in front of him, though. I just pulled it over my pajamas, relieved I didn't wear negligees anymore since Jackson had left.

It seemed like I had no choice but to go with him. So I'd better get it over with as fast as I could.


	3. Chapter 3: You're Special

**CHAPTER three  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

"Where are we going?" I asked him when we walked down the stairs and through the front door. "We'll just take a little walk. No specific destination," he answered and I still didn't know what to think of all this. We walked beside each other for a few seconds in silence and I made use of it by taking a closer look at him. There was nothing left of his burns, no scars, not anything. I still remembered how he'd looked this one time when he had manipulated me into entering the Hale mansion. I still remembered his black, burned skin, the blood all over him, his body covered in ash... I think I'd never forget the smell of burned flesh. I shivered while just thinking about it and all I wanted was to get away from Peter as fast as possible.

He seemed to sense that I was thinking about fleeing, though, so he put a firm grip on my arm. I gasped in shock when he'd touched me. I always hated it when he did that in those dreams, but feeling his touch like that, in the real world... It seemed to burn my skin. It wasn't a pleasant feeling at all.

It was like he could read my thoughts. Peter looked at me and there it was again – this mocking smile. But he still didn't say anything. "Why do I still dream of you?" I managed to ask after a few more seconds have passed. "You got what you wanted, did you? You are back from the dead. How is it possible you're not a zombie?" He laughed at that. His laugh was strange. I don't know, I had kinda imagined him laughing like some evil villain in a movie about superheroes. But his laugh sounded... well, almost nice. But there was nothing nice about this man, I reminded myself, and if he wanted to seem nice now, there clearly had to be something he wanted.

"I am not a zombie, no. Fortunately, I have to say. I mean, wolves do eat humans. But I don't think walking around in zombie style would suit me well. As for why you still dream of me... I _want _you to dream of me." At that he shot me a look of such intensity I shivered again. I hated it when he looked at me like that. Like I said; it was like he could see right through my soul, right into my heart. I tried to lock it, tried to lock all my feelings away from him. I didn't want him to think I was easy to read.

"I can still visit your dreams. To be honest, I had only realized this a few days ago. After Jackson had left, to be exact." Him mentioning Jackson's name made my heart hurt for a moment. But he didn't seemed to notice – or maybe he just acted like he didn't notice. Maybe it had been his purpose to hurt me and that's why he'd mentioned Jackson. "I just... I am not sure how to explain..." I had never seen Peter struggle for words. This meant that he really didn't know how to say what he wanted to say. I was more curious now, looking at him questioningly. "I felt that you were alone" was all he said then. "I felt that you were hurting and it made it way easier to build the connection again. I'd thought it had vanished after you awakened me. But it didn't. There's still a bound between us." He smiled, a smile that seemed more cruel and vicious, not mocking anymore. A smile that terrified me.

"So... you just visit my dreams because you get bored?"

"I'd not exactly put it like that."

He didn't say more, though. But it was enough for me to know that there was something he wanted from me. Something he wanted to use me for again. "You can't manipulate me. I won't let you." "I don't want to manipulate you, Lydia. I just want to be your friend." "My _friend_?"

I couldn't stop myself from staring at him. What was he even talking about?

"I don't think that you have any right to want to be my friend! You've made my life a living hell! You... you... I hate you for what you did to me!" At that he suddenly stopped. Before I could push away from him, he stood before me. His grip on my arms – both of my arms now – had gotten stronger. He looked me right in the eyes. I was unable to look away from him. It was like his stare held mine. I wasn't annoyed anymore. I was scared again.

"You can believe me when I say that I truly didn't want you to suffer, Lydia. I had no choice, though. You were my lifeline. I had to do something in order to prevent myself from really dying. I had died, of course – but I had to make sure there was a way I could come back. And you were the only way for me to come back from the dead, Lydia. I'm still not entirely sure what it means for you to be immune. I just knew it would be different if I'd bite you. That something would happen between us. And it did. I was able to be awaken because of you and for that I am thankful. I truly am. You might not believe me, but without you I'd still rot under my nephew's living room floor."

"I wish you would!" I screamed now. I couldn't make my voice sound steady or calm. I was terrified of him. I wanted nothing to do with all of this. Werwolves, people coming back from the dead, weird connections with some crazy psychopath... I just wanted my normal life back. Damn it – I hated to admit it. I wanted my normal life _and _Jackson back.

"I wish you would still rot six feet under and that you would just leave me alone. I can't do anything for you anymore. And I'll surely won't make anything for you freely!"

"But you will, Lydia. In time, you will."

He didn't say anything more than that. And I also didn't know what to say. He was mad – he really was. Maybe I should tell someone about this. Maybe I should tell Derek. But what would he do about it? I knew that Peter listened to no one. And why should he? He was strong enough to do what he wanted.

"I want to go back home," was all I said then. He smiled at me, this time his smile seemed tender – I've never seen him smile like this. Almost like he wasn't a horrible monster. But he was.

Before I could stop him, before I had even time to run away, he'd reached out for me again. Just like in the dream last night. But he didn't touch my hair this time. He touched my face. His fingers stroked softly over me cheek. I shivered again. "Don't..." My voice came out just as a whisper. I wanted to sound strong now, I wanted to sound confident so badly. But I just wasn't able to. He still smiled, still stroked my cheek like it was the most natural thing in the world. But I didn't want him to touch me. The worst thing was that his touch reminded me of Jackson so much. I remembered all too well just how Jackson had touched me this last night before he'd left. And right after he had left my world had turned into a living hell again.

And the strangest thing was that I wondered if it was really Peter's fault – or more Jackson's fault. He was the one who'd left me, after all.

"Don't touch me," I said again, more firmly this time. His fingertips burned like fire on my skin and I just wanted to get rid of this feeling. Seeing him like this, a grown, admittedly not unattractive young man who walked and talked, who said all these things to me like he knew exactly who I was and what I was feeling, feeling him touch me not just in my dreams, made him all the more terrifying than seeing him as a monster, a creature from a nightmare.

"You like it when I touch you. I know you do."

He let go of me then and I sighed in relief. "No, I don't. I don't want you to touch me ever again."

"Then why didn't you do anything to stop me?"

"Y-you... you made sure I wasn't able to do anything to stop you! Believe me, if I'd had my hands free, I'd have scratched your eyes out!"

Why hat I stuttered? Why didn't my words come as fierce out of my mouth as I had intended them to be?

Peter wasn't impressed by my words at all. His grin grew even wider. He liked to confuse me, I knew that. He liked to play mind games with me. I shouldn't even bother with trying to argue with him. He would never let anything break his composure.

"I will take you home now," he announced then.

"I can walk home on my own."

"I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you just because I let you walk home alone. I'd forever be miserable and totally devastated. You can't do that to me, Lydia." I knew he was mocking me again. The worried tone in his voice was just a shade too exaggerated.

I snorted, just shaking my head in disbelief. "Like I am any safer when being with you. You're the bad guy here."

"I have told you before that you shouldn't see everything in black and white. I am not the bad guy – or, well, not entirely. I do admit that I have some... well, sinister sides to my otherwise pretty astonishing personality."

I pushed away the urge to just kick him somewhere where it'd really hurt. "Yes, sure. Don't play the poor, misunderstood monster that's not really a monster."

"I am not a monster. But I am neither poor nor misunderstood. I always make my intentions quite clear, whether you would see them as good or bad. We are just not on the same side. That's what you think, at least. But it will change."

"Never." I put as much hate as I could into this one word. I would never be on the same side as Peter Hale. He'd have to kill me first. How could he expect me to consider him as a friend when he was the one who had made my life miserable? But he wasn't the only one who'd made me suffer... Of course, he was the one who had made me suffer the most. It was because of him that I had thought I would go mad. But there were others that had hurt me as well – Allison. Jackson.

But it was better to have friends who might not care that much about you than have Peter Hale as a friend. Hell, it would be even better to have no friends at all.

"Why me?"

I hadn't want to ask him that. I had asked him that question before and I hadn't gotten a satisfying answer back than. And I didn't really think he'd give me one now. I actually thought he didn't know the answer to this question.

Peter came to a halt again and this time I didn't flinch when he came closer. My heart began to beat faster and I wasn't sure if it was because I was scared or... I don't know. Or because I was nervous because he might tell me something significant, something that would make me understand. But could I even understand what was going on?

"Because Lydia Martin is not only beautiful, not only incredible intelligent..." There was the slightest hint of a smile on his face. I felt a shiver running down my spine and this time I wasn't sure if the feeling was all that unpleasant. It was clearly a déjà vu. I knew what he was going to say next. "She's immune."

I didn't know what to say to that. But I didn't get to say anything at all because in this moment he leaned closer in to me. Before I could even stumble away from him, I felt his cool breath against my ear, whispering, "You're special, Lydia Martin."

And with that, as suddenly as it had come, he backed away from me, still smiling. "You're home now."

I looked behind me, stunned to see that I was indeed standing in front of my house. I haven't even noticed that we'd already gotten there. "What are you...-" I began to form a question, but when I wanted to turn to him again, he wasn't there anymore. He'd vanished. Just like that.


	4. Chapter 4: Wet Dogs

**A/N: **Here's some explanation in case you get confused. This is the first of two chapters in this story which will be from Isaac's POV. All the other chapters are going to be from Lydia's POV. I needed some insight on the whole Derek/Peter situation so I thought Isaac would be quite fitting for it.****

CHAPTER four  
_Isaac Lahey_

* * *

Derek and Peter were fighting.

Again.

Sometimes I really didn't know how I had gotten in a situation like this. These two were just so getting on my nerves – I don't even know which one of them was more annoying. But still, I think Peter beat Derek quite a bit concerning the sarcastic comments. Derek was better at brooding and shooting dark looks at his uncle, though. But this didn't seem to impress him. Peter loved to made fun of his nephew and I kind of understood why this was getting on Derek's nerves. They hadn't exactly been on good terms before Peter had... well, died. Hell, I still had no idea what was going on. And I wasn't really sure I wanted to know.

"You know, I think it's even pretty low for you to live in here," Peter had just said, looking and gesturing around him. It might sound strange, but he'd tried to talk Derek into moving in a real apartment these past few days. And I had to admit that I wouldn't say no to having an actual room just for myself, maybe even a real bed. But one should never push his luck.

"I thought it was kinda creepy of you to stay in the old mansion after everything that had happened there. And... well, it wasn't even that livable anymore after the fire. But this? You're living in an old, abandoned subway station. I don't get why you're so keen to stay here. I always wondered how you two even shower in here. But then again I thought all the time that it's kind of smelling like wet dog in here... So I guess I know where that is coming from."

Derek just rolled his eyes, shooting his uncle a look of clear annoyance. "I would still live in the house if it weren't for you. But I didn't really want to live there after you were buried under my living room floor, you know."

"But I am not anymore. Even though I don't think we could live there now – with the big hole in the floor and everything." Peter smiled at him, this mocking and arrogant smile he always carried. I think Derek was close to punching him in the face, but he held his composure.

"Why do you even care where we live?"

"I care because I live with you if you haven't noticed that. And I like a nice bathroom with a shower, thank you very much. I've lived in a hospital these past few years and believe me, you don't know how lucky you are to be able to use the toilet on your own until...-"

"You don't have to," Derek interrupted him before he could could explain any further. I was truly glad about that, though. "I would have no problem with you leaving Beacon Hills for good. And I don't think Isaac would either."

They both looked at me at this. I just held up my hands and shrugged. "I won't intervene in this, guys," I just said and they both sighed loudly. I couldn't help but grin. Sometimes it was really showing that these two were related.

"You would be in deep trouble if I left. You know that, Derek. You need my help. You know nothing about the Alpha Pack and you know that you will only get the information you need if I'll be around. You just know I can help you but you're too stubborn to admit it."

"Then tell my why I'd even want your help. You've betrayed me! You've nothing but manipulated me! You killed Laura!"

At that Peter just looked at him for a few moments in silence. "I had no choice. I didn't want things to go this way. But it had to be done so I could get better. And everything that happened isn't exactly my fault, little nephew. You were the one who'd brought Kate Argent into our home. It's your fault it'd even come this far. It's your fault they all died."

They glared at each other for what felt like a few minutes, hatred and anger written in both of their faces. I worried that they'd be at each other's throat any second. But nothing happened. I sensed Derek relaxing just a bit. He sighed, just shaking his head. "You still killed her. But you're right about one thing: I might need your help figuring out this whole Alpha Pack problem. I won't do what you tell me to do, though. I'm the Alpha now."

Peter regarded his nephew with a thoughtful look for a moment, before a smirk crossed his face. "I know." That was all he said before he turned to leave. But he wasn't completely out of the station yet when he turned around once more to face us again. "You should think about looking for a apartment, Derek. Of course – like you've just said – you don't need to do what I tell you. But just think about my small piece of advice. Until later, then, guys. Or should I better say 'comrades'? You know, that's what we are now, aren't we? Comrades going out to battle the big bad guys! Isn't that a cheerful thought? I tell you, we're gonna be such a cozy and cute pack." He smirked again, definitely wanting to let his nephew know how little he respected him. With that he was off, leaving Derek and me behind.

I had to look at Derek only one time to see how angry he was.

A few weeks ago I wouldn't have bear to talk to my Alpha when he was this angry, but things have changed now. Things were different between us. Derek might not have really changed, but... I am not sure what it was. Maybe it was the fight against the Kanima, all of us working together to save Jackson. Or maybe it was because Boyd and Erica had left the pack. I was the only one who was still here – the only one left of the pack that Derek had created this past few months. But I didn't want to be just that. I didn't want to be just a Beta in Derek's pack.

I also wanted to have a life. I wanted to go to school, play lacrosse and have friends. And I'd had made friends with Scott quite easily. And Derek and I... Well, I do think we were kind of friends now.

"So... are you okay?" I asked him, not sure what else there was to say. Derek looked at me for a moment until he gave me a curt nod.

"Do you think that we should move out of the subway station as well?"

"Ergh..." I wasn't sure how to respond to that. I didn't want Derek to be angry when I told him what I honestly thought about our current housing. "Well, you know, I'm not that demanding. Everything's better than to live with my father..." I wanted to sound funny, but I didn't quite manage it. What had happened with my father was one of the things I still talked barely about. It still hurt too much, the memories were too fresh. And there was one thing I'd be Derek forever thankful for; he had saved me from this life of misery and pain. I didn't regret becoming a werewolf. I never would.

Derek's look became even weirder when he continued looking at me like he was thinking really hard about something. I didn't think this was about our housing at all. It was about much more. Derek was concerned about the Alpha Pack. We didn't know anything about them and they hadn't let themselves shown yet. What would happen if they finally did?

"I hate to admit it but maybe Peter's right. Maybe we should look for a proper apartment."

Well, I certainly wouldn't tell Peter that Derek had admitted he might be right about something. This guy was already too fond of himself.

"Yeah, I mean... Sure, if you want to. Oh and... just for the records, it doesn't smell like wet dog in here at all."

The slightest hint of a smile appeared on Derek's face. It was one of the very few times I'd seen him smile. "I didn't believe that either."


	5. Chapter 5: Strange Dreams

**CHAPTER five  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

"_What is it you want from us, Hale? I don't trust you one bit."_

_Peter Hale smiled at the man standing in front of him. He was at least twice the size of him and was build like a doorman in some naughty night club. But Peter didn't seem to be afraid at all. Of course he wasn't afraid._

_But this guy looked frightening nonetheless. I had never seen him before. I had no idea who he was. But he surely wasn't one of the good ones._

"_And you shouldn't trust me. You'd be even stupider than I already think you are if you'd trust me."_

"_Don't try to put my patience on the test. I certainly don't have much of it with you." He looked at him with stern, angry eyes._

"_You know what I want. So why won't you just get it over with and make it happen?"_

"_And you know that it's not that easy. You're not one of us. And you know what you have to do before it can happen. Don't play dumb on me. I have no idea what it is you're planning but we will take this town by storm. You'll either be our ally or our enemy."_

"_Well, I'd rather not be your enemy."_

"_Then do what needs to be done. And remember, don't try to play tricks on us. Kill him and you'll be one of us."_

I gasped, awakening suddenly. I was a bit disoriented when I looked around, still confused from what I had just seen. What the hell was going on? I realized that a few of my classmates looked at me. Clearly they thought I must've slept during class.

Well, I kind of did actually. I didn't know what happened. One second I had paid attention to my math class – not that I needn't to pay that much attention because I was already way ahead of the rest of the class in our current syllabus – and the other second I had fallen asleep. Or something like that. I had dreamed... And I didn't know what this meant. When I had dreamed or hallucinated about Peter, he had always talked to me. But now he hadn't even noticed me. It seemed like I had witnessed him doing... I had no idea what. Could it be possible that what I've just seen was real? That it had actually happened?

But that was impossible. It was just... no, it couldn't be. I wasn't some sort of psychic.

Though there had been quite a few disturbing and unbelievable events these past few weeks. I wouldn't have believed that werewolves existed either if I hadn't seen them with my own eyes.

Still I didn't know what to think about what I had seen. Maybe it had been really just a dream this time. I doubted it, but I didn't want to think about it either.

I tried to push away these thoughts, even though I couldn't stop them from revolving around Peter. It had been almost impossible for me to not think about the conversation we had last night. I just didn't understand what was going on. I know I shouldn't care about him – and I didn't. But how was I supposed to just ignore him when he kept showing up?

The most tragic part about all of this was probably that he was the only one who did actually check on me. However crazy and twisted he might be, he tried not to scare me anymore. But he did scare me. Most of the time... And the other half of the time he was just plain annoying. But then there were these few moments when I felt like he was the only one who really understood. But I didn't want to feel this way about him. Not about Peter Hale who had made my life a nightmare.

I hoped that this class would be over soon. I just wanted to go home, wanted to be alone. When I looked to the side I saw Stiles watching me. Though when he noticed that I had caught him, he looked away quickly. I knew that Stiles was concerned... And maybe he could have been a real friend to me if I'd only let him. But I couldn't. Spending time with him only made me think about when I had went to him after I'd thought Jackson was dead. And thinking about that lead me back to Jackson. And thinking about Jackson made my heart ache with unbearable pain.

I looked away from him. Did he sense that there was something wrong with me?

But I didn't stay long enough for him to approach me. After the bell had rung, I'd grabbed my stuff and basically ran out of the class room. That only earned me a lot more of strange looks but I didn't care at the moment. Later I'd probably hate myself for showing weakness – even though it might just be the slightest hint of weakness.

As I got out of school, my thoughts were already revolving on other topics than school, though. I hated it, but I felt just like crying right there and then. I didn't want the pain to break me. I couldn't let it. I was Lydia Martin, damn it! I would never let a broken heart get the best of me.

When I got out on the street, I almost cried out in shock when I saw who was standing on the pavement. He leaned on a car, seemingly relaxed, like he'd been there for quite some time.

"What the hell...?" That was all I managed to say. I just stared at him. What was he thinking? "Everyone could see you here!"

"So what?"

Peter raised one eyebrow, grinning. He absolutely enjoyed having shocked me this much.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" I had no idea how many times I have asked him that – or myself. Maybe I should just stop asking and accept that he would never leave me alone again.

When he didn't answer to my question, I just asked another one, "What do you want? Do you want to go on a walk again?" I couldn't help but look around myself. I just hoped that no one would see me talking to Peter Hale. Especially not Stiles or Scott. Or Allison. But would she notice anyway? All Allison seemed to think about these past few days was here hunters training. I didn't seem to be on her mind all that much.

"No – not exactly at least. I just want to walk you home."

"And what if I don't want you to?" I had a feeling that I already knew what would be the answer to this.

Peter's smile grew even wider before he answered, "Well, I'd rather like to pretend again that you said yes when I gave you the choice to let me accompany you home."

Gosh. Why did he have to be such an annoying and creepy idiot?

I didn't say anything. He didn't scare me at the moment. Not even a little bit. "You know, you were much more bearable when you were haunting my dreams and _not _talking." That was a lie, of course. He knew how much these nightmares had tormented me. But I'd never say that in front of him. Never.

"I just think you have to deal with my absolutely dashing and talking self now."

I sighed, clearly annoyed. "You can at least carry my bag if you want to get on my nerves." At that I almost slashed my bag in his arms and started walking off. I had no doubt he'd follow right behind.

"It makes me really sad to know that I am getting on your nerves that much." I knew he was mocking me again. I don't think that anything could ever make him sad.

"Well, it's your own fault. If you would've just let me alone right from the start, we wouldn't have this problem right now."

"And you know that I had no choice but to come for you to help."

"Help..." I snorted. "You know, if you wanted me to just awaken you, you could've just asked! All these creepy nightmares weren't necessary."

He looked at me for a moment, thoughtful. I sensed his look on me and I had this strange feeling again that he was looking right into my soul. I hated it. I hated it so much to think about that Peter Hale might actually understand me better than anyone of my friends did. "I'm afraid it was. If I had any other choice, I wouldn't have hurt you."

I don't know if he was serious or just joking again. But his voice sounded just like last night, when he'd already told me that he was sorry for what he'd done to me. I didn't know what to believe. And I didn't know what to say either.

Was it even possible to forgive something like that?

"But, you know, I think it's a good sign that I am getting on your nerves."

At that I looked at him, stunned. "What?"

"Well – I think we're a work in progress, you and I. And it's good that you aren't scared of me anymore. Or not that much at least. I think you could actually like me if you knew me good enough. Like I already said, I am pretty amazing."

"I rather think you're much too full of yourself. And no, I am not scared anymore. You know what I think? You're a self-observed idiot who thinks he can rule the world or something. You are not even good enough at being the creepy evil villain to play one in an extremely boring horror movie."

"Ouch," he said, playing hurt and disappointed. "You think that little of me? And I thought I was quite an impressive bad guy."

"No, you're not." It was ridiculous, but I felt the sudden urge to grin. Maybe I was losing my mind or maybe it was just the lack of sleep I'd had these past few nights. But I actually thought this conversation was funny. Absolutely strange and weird in just every kind of way. But funny... Somehow. A bit. At least.

"Know what? I'll proof to you that I am the most creepy and dangerous villain you can only imagine."

I looked at him, a bit concerned for a moment though. Did he mean it? Wanted he to scare me again? I hated to admit it, but I didn't want him to. I didn't need another series of tormenting nightmares.

But before I even got to say something, he smiled. And I think it was the most genuine smile I've ever seen on him. It was still mocking. He clearly did make fun of me. But his smile was still... honest, somehow. Maybe even sweet.

"Don't worry. I won't be your creepy and dangerous villain."

"But I don't think you could be a superhero either."

"Well, who'd said something about being a superhero? You've got to admit that they are quite boring. Most people root for the villains in those kind of movies because they are much more interesting. They have depth. They have both good and bad inside of them. The hero guy is just lame and too nice."

"I think the villains are mostly mad and really freaking creepy," I just said, even though he might have a point. Could this day get any stranger? Or this whole week? Here I was, talking to Peter Hale about villains and superheroes and movies. What the heck had gotten into me? I was having smalltalk with him. That just wasn't right. And yet... it somehow felt right. I didn't know why it did. I didn't even know what to feel or if I felt anything it all. But right now it did me good to just talk to someone about silly and unimportant things. But who'd have thought that this person would be Peter Hale? Out of all people, I would have thought that he'd disgust and scare me the most. But there was a part deep inside of me that thought that he'd meant what he said. I didn't trust him. But maybe he really hadn't hurt me on purpose.

"I like how you always talk back at me. You never want to agree with me. You're quite challenging, Lydia Martin."

I made a face. "That's because you just say nothing I could agree with." Peter just laughed at that. It was strange to think that I've heard him laugh like this twice in such a short amount of time. It was true – I wasn't afraid right now. And I wasn't even annoyed. He seemed nice. I was confused because I'd always thought that Peter Hale could be anything but nice or caring or lovely. Was it all just an act? But I didn't think so. I just felt it. But I still couldn't bring myself to trust him.

"But I do like a challenge." Only now – just like last night – Lydia realized that they had arrived at her house. He handed her back her bag and when she took it from him, their fingers touched for just a second. But it was all it took for Lydia to feel a shiver run down her spine. And feeling his touch on her skin didn't feel unpleasant – again. She swallowed hard, trying not to think about that she just might've liked to feel his touch.

"So we're at my house now. You can't force me into doing anything more."

"Well, we could always pretend that you've said yes to me giving you the choice to invite me inside..." He'd obviously noticed the shocked face I'd made because he laughed again. "Don't worry, I won't push my luck."

"I hope so," I just said, but couldn't help but smile just a little. I didn't know what it was about him that made me smile. He of all people was the one who could make me smile when I felt like I would never be able to smile again.

Why him? What was wrong with me? Was I turning into some creepy mad girl that started to get closer to the man who had tormented and terrified her?

But I didn't feel mad at all. Not right now at least.

"I think this is the first time I have actually seen you smile, Lydia."

"Well, you haven't really tried to make me smile before."

"That is true. And I regret not doing so much more sooner. You look even more beautiful when you smile."

I couldn't help but feel myself flush at that compliment. Things were getting weirder with each passing second. Now I even liked him making me compliments. This had to stop. Right. Now.

"You can be sure that you won't see me often smiling at you. I still don't like you."

"You will like me. And you actually already do."

I didn't respond to that at first. I turned away from him, going to the front door of my house. When I turned back, I had half expected him to be already gone just like last night. But Peter was still there, watching me with a gleam in his eyes I hadn't noticed before. "I don't."

This was all I said before going in the house. When I've closed the door behind me I leaned against it, taking a deep breath. I felt like I was losing control all over again. Jackson had left me. And Peter... I don't know what it was. I had no idea where this would lead. I didn't want it to lead anywhere. I didn't want to feel connected to him. I didn't want to be his friend.

And yet, I did kind of like being around him. After all he was the only one who seemed to want to talk to me. And admittedly, being with him didn't make me think of Jackson for even just a second.


	6. Chapter 6: So-Called Best Friend

**CHAPTER six  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

I was surprised when Allison suddenly stood inside my room. My mom had let her in. I haven't expected her at all since I haven't seen her in a few days. She looked at me with a kind of careful look, like she didn't really know what to say to me. Maybe she felt guilty about ignoring me for days.

"Hey," I greeted her, smiling a not quite happy smile. "Haven't seen you in a bit. How are things going?"

"Yes I know... I'm sorry. I just didn't have time. Too much was going on." Allison still eyed me with a cautious look; she seemed to hesitate and I didn't even know why. But there clearly seemed to be something on her mind and I wanted to know what it was.

"It's okay. I didn't expect you to... ask if I was okay at least." I didn't want her to see how disappointed I was in her. Didn't want her to see how much she'd hurt me. But I couldn't resist throwing that sidewinder at her. And Allison seemed to understand at once what I was trying to say without really doing an effort of saying anything at all about it.

"I know that I haven't been a very good best friend lately."

"No. You obviously won't be receiving the Best Friend of the Year Award."

I knew that me being sarcastic would probably just make her angry. And I wanted that, to be honest. I didn't want to talk to Allison. Now she wanted to talk to me, didn't she? She hadn't bothered trying to tell me anything. She had basically ignored me while she had gone on this crazy hunting trip to kill Derek's pack. She hadn't been herself and she didn't trust me to be there for her. Maybe it was because she hadn't even want to be there for me when I'd needed her the most.

"I know," she said again which was basically nothing. "Why are you here?" I asked her. "Just tell me what you want. Get it over with."

"I... well... I know that you've been through a lot these past few weeks. And after Jackson left... It surely wasn't easy for you."

"I don't wanna talk about Jackson." My voice had gone cold and hard. I wouldn't show her how exactly it hadn't been easy for me. I wouldn't let it show how much I suffered. I wouldn't break down in front of Allison.

"Well, me neither. I mean... if you don't want to. I came here to... well... to talk about... Peter Hale."

At the mention of his name my heart almost stopped and skipped a beat or two. Why did she want to talk to Peter about me? But I already expected what she'd say next.

"I saw you with him today. When you left together in front of the school."

I just sighed, shaking my head. So my supposedly so-called best friend was just here to lecture me about Peter Hale. I should have known. She wasn't the girl she used to be anymore. I could understand that her mother's death had broke her heart. I would've done anything to be there for her if she'd just let me. But ever since her mother had died Allison had pulled away from all of them. At first she'd totally lost it and ran around shooting arrows at every werewolf that came near her. It'd been like she was on some suicide mission. Even though Lydia could understand why Allison was so angry at Derek, she just didn't think that her friend was right about it all. She thought about what Peter had said. About not seeing everything in black and white... What the hunters had done was cruel. What Gerard had done to Jackson had been cruel. They weren't the good ones either. But if the hunters weren't exactly the good ones – well, who was then?

"That's a long story and I don't want to talk about it."

"Lydia..." Allison came closer to me and before she was able to stop herself, she sat down on the bed beside me, looking me right in the eyes. "Peter Hale is dangerous. I don't know what's going on between the two of you. But you shouldn't spend time with him. He could hurt you."

"I've been hurt before." That was all I said. And it was the truth after all. So many people had hurt me already that I'd lost count.

"You don't want to get in the way of them. Lydia... you've got to see how dangerous they are!"

"Jackson wasn't dangerous," I said before I could stop myself. "Or, well... of course he was dangerous when he'd been the Kanima. But after he had turned for good... He'd been different. Jackson didn't want to hurt anyone."

"Maybe. But when they turn... It's so easy for them to lose control. The Hales are more than dangerous. It's because of Derek that my mom is dead, Lydia!"

I looked at her for a long moment, thinking about what I should say. The thing is: I couldn't tell her why I spent time with Peter either. Of course he gave me no choice... But I couldn't deny that I'd actually liked being with him earlier.

"Is that how you think about Scott as well? Do you think that he's dangerous? That he'll lose control over himself?"

Allison didn't respond to that. She just avoided to look into my eyes, shaking her head firmly. "This isn't about Scott."

"It is about werewolves. And Scott is one. You make it sound like they're all the same. But you know what? No one has ever told me anything! The whole time you've just let me in the dark. You just didn't care. And at least Peter had told me about the supernatural stuff that went on."

Oh. My God. Here I was defending Peter Hale, the man who'd made my life a living hell. And still I didn't regret defending him in this moment because it was the truth. Allison had said she was my friend but she hadn't acted like one. And the more I thought about I was wondering why she should even deserve my friendship.

Allison looked at me again, stunning. She seemed to be as surprised as I was that I'd defended Peter. But before she could say anything, I went on, "What you did wasn't right and you know that. Believe me, Allison, I know better than anyone what it's like to feel alone and just so angry and sad at the same time. I know how it feels to want to tear the whole world down. But you didn't have any right to hurt them like that. They didn't do anything wrong. I might not know a lot about this whole hunters thing, but there is a code you guys act on, isn't there? You don't kill werewolves that are innocent? Well, you clearly didn't think about it when you tortured them."

"I didn't...," Allison began, but she knew better than to try to talk herself out of it. She had done bad things. Why should the things she'd done wrong be okay and the bad things Peter had done not? I didn't know what I was even thinking. Maybe I was starting to see not everything in just black and white.

Or maybe I had finally lost it for good.

Maybe I was the next person to go around shooting people. Who knows.

"I just wanted to warn you. That's all. Peter isn't good. He's selfish and he hurts people." I knew that. There's no one who knew that better than me. But I didn't say anything. Maybe the reason why I seemed to start to understand Peter better was exactly that I knew what he was capable of. Maybe that meant I was also able to see the good sides in him. I had no idea what was going on with me but it scared the hell out of me. I still didn't to get closer to him. We couldn't be friends. I didn't want that. And still... He'd been the closest thing I had to a friend since Jackson had left. It was strange. It was absolutely crazy and if I'd told Allison, she might have just shoot me right here. For allying with the bad guys or something like that.

"I will be careful. And don't worry too much. It's not like I'm friends with him."

Allison didn't seem to hear me. She just nodded, staring at something I couldn't see. "I don't trust them. It's all their fault... They've destroyed my whole family."

And yours has destroyed theirs.

But I didn't say that out loud because Allison would never have listened. Both of them had done bad things – but I don't think that neither the Hales nor the Argents were more guilty for what happened than the other.

"Don't get yourself caught up in all the hate, Allison. It won't bring them back. You will only lose yourself."

"No," she said sternly as she stood up from my bed, turning to leave. "I am only starting to find my real self."

I had gone late to bed that night. And it was the first time I'd gone to bed without taking a closer look at Jackson's letter. I don't know why but I hadn't even thought about his letter until I was almost asleep, remembering that the letter was still where I had left it. In the little red box in my bedside cupboard.

And that night I dreamed again. But it wasn't like the dreams I'd had before …


	7. Chapter 7: Crushing Memories

**CHAPTER seven  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

_Peter was standing in the abandoned Hale mansion. Even though after everything that he'd witnessed in this house, after everything what had happened in here, it still was the only one place where he could find his peace of mind._

_He stood in the living room, remembering how all these rooms used to look so long ago when they've still been a family. A happy family. Sometimes he felt like this had been the life of someone else. He didn't feel like the man he'd been then anymore._

_He didn't feel sorry for himself, though. Peter Hale wasn't weak. But he missed them. Of course he did. He'd lost most of his family in this fire. He'd almost lost his own life. And even though he didn't want to hate Derek because his nephew was the only family he'd still left, he just could not hate him for what he'd brought upon their family. It was his fault that they were dead. All of it was his fault._

_And still he wouldn't want to hurt Derek. Not if it wasn't absolutely necessary._

_But it seemed like he had no choice._

_People who thought that Peter Hale had no conscious were clearly wrong. He did think about the things he'd done. He had cared about other people. He just didn't want to care too much. Letting people in only hold you back in the end. He didn't want to be hold back, though. Peter wanted power. He wanted revenge. And he would take it, one at a time. He'd take what was truly his._

_While he kept wandering through the mansion, his thoughts kept on going back to Lydia. He still didn't know what this connection between them even meant. He had known that something would happen between them when he'd bite her because she was immune. Something that would remain even in death. But what it exactly meant for Lydia to be immune – he wasn't sure._

_And Peter knew that it would destroy him if he started to care about her. True, he was the one who had build up the connection to her again. He was the one who'd come back to her. Not the other way around. But Peter needed her. He needed her to be his lifeline again if something went wrong. He needed her to be there before it was too late for him._

_Maybe it was already too late though. There was no going back now. And Lydia... he kept thinking about her and he knew he shouldn't. He'd already died once. He didn't want her to be the death of him. His ultimate death._

"_Lydia..." He whispered her name like a soft breeze in the wind, carrying the sound of his voice right to the girl he was thinking of._

With a gasp I awakened. It had felt like Peter was right here with me, but when I turned on the light and looked around my room, I realized that he weren't there. Well, of course he wasn't. I knew exactly where he was. I had no idea how it was possible for me to sometimes know where he was or what he felt in that exact moment. Or what he even did...

And I knew that Peter felt lonely. He'd never have admitted it, not even to himself. He wanted to be strong. Oh, and he was strong. Strong and fierce and heartless. But not as heartless as he'd want everyone to believe.

In this moment I wanted nothing more than to go to him. Be there for him, even though he wouldn't want anyone to be there for him. But I wanted to be there like he'd been there for me earlier. As strange as it may sound, I just couldn't fight the urge to go to him. Right now.

Even if it meant going back to the Hale mansion. This house still gave me the creeps. And even more than that. I had nightmares about it. Well – I had lived through nightmares in there. But I wasn't even that scared when I've gotten out of bed and changed into some suitable clothes so I wouldn't freeze to death in the cold night air. I was sure I wanted to go there. It wasn't like the last times. Peter had manipulated me back then. And now I wanted to go because... well, I just wanted to see him. It was crazy but I did.

Walking alone through the woods was still terrifying. At least I wore shoes this time.

When I've gotten to the Hale mansion, I inhaled deeply. I still wasn't sure if I'd done the right thing. But there was no turning back now. I had to go in.

I've shivered slightly when I pushed the door open. It was pitch black dark in the house and I didn't even know where to go. Where was he?

"Peter?"

Maybe it would be better to let him know that I was there.

And then I saw him. He came out of a shadow. He'd worn black clothes, just like he always did, so I haven't even noticed him lurking in the shadows. And the look he gave me was... strange. I wasn't scared but I was concerned. Concerned about Peter Hale. Could this day, this whole life get any crazier?

"Lydia?" He came closer towards me, looking at me confused and even a bit shocked. "What are you doing here? How did you know...?"

I didn't let him finish. "I... Well, I don't really know what exactly I am doing here. I just felt that... well, I felt... you. I felt that you were... thinking." _Lonely _had been the word that came to my mind. But I didn't say it out loud because I had a feeling that Peter wouldn't want me to admit that I'd thought he was lonely. Because he surely didn't want to admit it to himself.

And in this way he was so similar to myself. I think it was the first time I truly did see something human in Peter Hale. The very first time I didn't see just a monster.

"Thinking, huh?" A little smile crossed his lips and I was just happy to see him smile. I must've really gone bad. I have totally lost it, haven't I? It made me happy that he smiled. But I pushed these thoughts away, concentrating only on what was happening right now.

"Yes. I have done some thinking indeed." He started to walk closer to me again until he stood right before me. He looked into my eyes and this time I did nothing to try to look away. I didn't want to.

"And what is it you'd been thinking about?"

I wasn't sure if I he'd really tell me about it. I didn't expect him to. And I didn't get disappointed. Peter just shook his head. "Nothing very special. Just about... the past."

Looking around myself, I nodded. "Have you been thinking about being six feet under the living room floor?" I joked, wanting to ease the tension a bit.

At that he really smiled, almost laughed. "No. I didn't. And believe me, that wasn't the worst I have experienced in this house." His smile faded as suddenly as it had crossed his face. He still looked at me, though, and I was feeling like his eyes were on fire. Full of conflicting feelings, maybe even sadness... I had never seen him this open before. I was not even sure he realized how much he'd opened up to me or if he did it on purpose. But I still sensed that he didn't want to see me how he really felt. I think he didn't even want me to see that he could have something like feelings in the first place.

"You mean the fire...," I said quietly. Peter just nodded and looked away from me. I knew that he wouldn't say anything more about it, so I didn't push him any further. It must have been awful for him being trapped in here during the fire. He had barely survived, but almost everyone of his family had died in the flames. He'd seen them burn. Maybe it wasn't even that surprising that someone would go mad and hate everyone after having to watch everyone you cared about die in agony.

"I wouldn't have expected you to come here again."

"Well – I wouldn't have expected it from myself either."

"But you did. You came because of me."

The way these words sounded coming out of his mouth was strange. It was almost... caring. Like it touched him that I would go back to this house that scared me so much – just because of him. And I had to admit that I myself couldn't quite understand why I'd done it.

"I guess I did." I looked at him again, this time I wanted to look right into his eyes. "Even though this house is still creepy. You know, it looks like every haunted house in every scary horror movie."

He laughed again, seemingly distracted from his dark thoughts, which was enough for me. I didn't want him to go to these dark places where he was so often. Almost all the time.

"You should have seen it, Lydia. Before... well. You just should've seen it. It was amazing. I really loved this house."

_Loved_. He hadn't said liked. He'd say loved. I think this was also the very first time I've heard this word coming out of Peter's mouth – love.

"I'm sure it looked beautiful." I was watching him while he seemed to go back to places where I couldn't reach him; drinking in memories from long ago. I know how it felt to remember things. It might be pleasant and comforting, but it also hurt quite a lot. Sometimes the pain wasn't even worth remembering.

"I really wish you could've seen it," he repeated, sighing deeply. "I guess you've been born in quite the wrong generation. You and I, we would have had fun together as teenagers." Somehow I doubted that because his teenage self hadn't seemed all that... well, fun. But his teenage self hadn't been as creepy as his adult self was. Well, maybe a bit – but he'd been nice.

It was like something had snapped him back in the present then because I could literally see his guard pulling up again. There was no feeling in his eyes left – not anymore.

"But it's all gone now and it doesn't matter." He looked at me again, smiling at me mockingly. "Though you gotta know I was quite a good kisser back in the day. Still am to be honest. But if I recall it correctly you surely already know that quite well..."

I punched him in the arm and even though I knew it didn't hurt, it still took him by surprise. "Ouch. That wasn't very nice."

"Well, I must have learned from the master because you are never nice."

He seemed to consider what I've said for a moment before replying, "That is true. Kinda. I mean – I can be nice if I want to. If cookies are involved for example."

"Cookies?" Now I couldn't help but laugh. "What does anything of this have to do with cookies?"

"I like biscuits. That's not a crime. Every great villain and soon-to-be-ruler-of-the-world has his dark secrets, you know."

"And yours is... cookies? That's not very impressive. I still think you'll make a pretty weak villain. You're not as badass as Loki."

"Loki? Who is that?"

"He was the villain in some superheroes movie Jackson had forced me to watch...-" When I realized that I'd just talked about Jackson in front of Peter, I couldn't continue talking. I stood there for a moment, frozen and stunned. The pain was coming back again, I felt it... And it was not just pain. It was guilt. Guilt for laughing with someone other than Jackson. And it was Peter of all people.

But I shouldn't feel guilty. It was just not fair. I wasn't supposed to be the one feeling guilty about it at all.

He had left me. He'd broken my heart. He'd destroyed everything we had in just a short matter of time – again. He'd destroyed us once more and for good.

Peter immediately sensed my distress. "Don't think about him." I hadn't noticed him reaching out for him, but I gasped with surprise when I felt him touching my face. Touching my cheek. I looked up at him again, feeling so much closer to him at once.

"I try that all the time."

My voice was nothing more than a whisper. Here I was, talking to Peter Hale about Jackson. Letting him see how hurt I was, how heartbroken. I didn't want it. I didn't want him to see. But in this moment I couldn't hold my feelings back. It was almost impossible. The pain was just too much.

But he didn't say a word. He didn't even look at me in this sympathetic kind of way which I hated so much. He didn't make me feel pathetic for being sad.

Before I could stop him, before I could even want him to stop, he pushed me against a wall. I leaned against it, couldn't stop looking into his eyes. They were mesmerizing, almost hypnotizing. I didn't know what to do. I felt my knees go weak. No, this wasn't right. I couldn't let this happen. It was wrong in so many ways... And yet it still felt right somehow. At least in this very moment it felt right. I didn't want Peter to stop stroking my cheek, didn't want him to break our glances. I wanted nothing more than to feel his touch. I didn't want anything more to happen. But I wanted this... this moment. It was like I needed it. I drank it in what all my senses, all of my being.

He leaned in closer to me. I could see his lips moving closer to mine... I know I shouldn't want this. But a part of me wanted it. "Peter, don't. Please..." My voice sounded weak, betrayed me and what I really wanted, really thought. He obviously didn't listen to me because he came just an inch closer and another one...

Just in that moment we heard a loud _crack_. Peter pushed away from me, looking taken aback while I was staring in shock. "What...?"

But I didn't get to finish my question. Suddenly the floor under our feet started trembling. I had no idea what was happening, but it felt like the house was shaking.

Peter just took my hand and started to run towards the door but before we could even reach there, an enormous wooden beam smashed from the ceiling. If he didn't shoved me out of the way at once, I would probably be lying under tons of wood now. He never let go of my hand, not even once. I was terrified but I couldn't even scream. It was like I was too much in shock to even process what was going on.

We ran. He practically pulled me through the door. We tumbled over the steps to the ground. Just in the moment when we turned again to look back at the still shaking house, a great part of the roof crashed. It just collapsed in on itself, destroying a huge part of the whole house.

I was still in shock. If we reacted just a bit later, we'd be trapped in there... I could be even dead... I didn't want to think about this. I felt like I couldn't breathe. It was all too much. It was overwhelming.

"What happened in there?" I didn't want to sound as panicking as I did. But I couldn't stop myself. "Why did the whole roof crash suddenly?"

"I... I don't know." Peter turned to me then. He grabbed my arms and looked at me, trying to calm me down with his words. "It's okay. Nothing happened. We're okay. You are fine, Lydia."

"Nothing... happened? NOTHING happened? So didn't you notice that a damn roof just smashed down right over our heads? Just a second later and I'd be buried under wood!" "No – I would never have let that happen." I swallowed hard but let him hold my gaze. "It's unbelievable how much you freak out because of some... accident. When you clearly have seen much worse things." "And I freaked out because of that before."

He looked away for a second, knowing that he was the reason why I had been scared to death these past few months. But Peter said nothing. He just got out of his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders. "Take this. You must be getting cold and... and I'll take you home now."

I just nodded. I wanted nothing more than to get away from this creepy place. And I also didn't want to think about what had almost happened before half of the roof had crushed down all of a sudden.

I looked at Peter again, watching how his gaze stayed on the house which was a ruin now. It had been a ruin before. Languished and not taken care of, especially on the inside. It'd been a ruin on the inside for years. Now it was a ruin on the outside as well. I thought I'd seen a flicker of pain crossing his face but when he turned back to me, he wore no expression at all.

"It's a miracle this happened sooner. The fire must have destroyed most of the house's structure. It wasn't safe at all anymore." He said nothing more when we began walking together in silence. It was strange, though. The house may not have been somewhere you'd want to live, but even after the fire it was still there, staying strong. Not collapsing for years even though it had been damaged so badly. Why now? Why when Peter had been about to kiss me?

I shivered at the thought, didn't even want to think about me. It was good it didn't happen. It just shouldn't happen. And I sure as hell didn't want things to get this far again. It wasn't right. And I didn't want it.

Though I couldn't stop myself from thinking what he'd said before. That he wouldn't have let anything happen to me. It was just so surreal that Peter of all people wanted to protect me when he'd been the one to torment me. And yet I felt save with him. In this very moment I truly did.

I felt myself shiver again and I wasn't sure if it was from the cold. Before thinking about it I pulled his jacket closer around me.

Peter didn't say anything at all until we got to my house. He turned to me again when we stood before it. "Are you okay?" His voice sounded more like a whisper, compassionate even. "I am," I said softly. "I was just, uhm, quite in shock before." "It's totally understandable."

I looked at him uncertainly, didn't know what to say next. I should just go in. The night was almost over and I didn't even get an hour of sleep. I would be a freaking mess tomorrow at school.

"Don't you want your jacket back?" I asked him, starting to get out of it. But he just shook his head. "You can give it back to me when we see each other the next time." Peter smiled before turning around, starting to leave.

"Who says there'll be a next time?"

"Of course there'll be. There'll always be, Lydia. And you don't need to worry about me getting cold. I have quite thick skin." Even though he'd turned his back to me, I could practically feel him smirking. "I wasn't worried about you!"

Before he could say anything more – though I didn't think he wanted to, he'd often let me have the last word – I turned around and slipped back into the house. I wasn't sure that I'd even get just a few hours of sleep after what had just happened. My head felt like spinning and there were just too many things I had to think about. Things I didn't even want to think about.


	8. Chapter 8: I'd Be Nice With You

**CHAPTER eight  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

I haven't seen Peter for at least two weeks. He'd just vanished. I hadn't heard anything of him and sometimes I thought that he'd left for good. Though I wasn't sure why he should have left. He had told me that we'd see each other again. I knew that I should know better than to trust Peter Hale. I shouldn't even want to see him again. But I did want to see him again. That was the problem, I guess.

But he'd said we'd see each other again and I think we would. I had no idea what he was up to or where he was. And maybe it was even better if I didn't know.

I tried to go on living my life as normal as I could. I still tried to not to think about Jackson. It still hurt. But I didn't think about him as much as I did in the first few days after he'd left – and that was because Peter was too involved in my thoughts as well. It was confusing and I didn't know what to think of this. I loved Jackson... And at the same time I wanted nothing more than to forget he even existed. He'd hurt me so much and he didn't even deserve that I still loved him. Still missed him, yearned to feel his touch, his arms around me. I hated him for what he did to me. And still I couldn't think about him without my heart aching painfully.

Allison had tried to talk to me a few times in school. But I mainly ignored her. I just didn't want to talk to her. She surely just wanted to talk about Peter again. Allison had changed. I don't think that she realized how much especially she'd hurt me. I don't even think that she was sorry for how she'd treated me these past few months when I'd really needed help.

I spend most of my time alone. I didn't even feel like going out with my other friends. Friends I couldn't even call that because they knew nothing about me. Nothing. They just wanted to be my friends because they wanted to be a popular as I was. And even though a part of me loved it to be admired, there was another part of me that just thought how ridiculous this was. But still popularity meant a lot to me. It was the only thing that I had left of my old life. The only string to normality. I wouldn't want to lose it.

So I went to every Lacrosse game like I always did. And it still was a lot of fun. I loved watching the guys play, even though it reminded me way too much of Jackson. It hurt but I tried to block him out. I just wanted to have fun when I watched a game of Lacrosse. I think Lacrosse was even more a part of normality for me than my popularity was. I'd always loved the game and it was fun to cheer for the team.

They'd had a game this night and I came home very late. It'd been quite an exhausting game. The coach had screamed at the players until he barely could breathe – but he always did that. It was still quite a lot of fun to watch every time though. They hadn't won, unfortunately. Maybe the coach should have put Stiles in the game again. He'd been great that last time... But I didn't want to think about it. I pushed the memory of that particular game away immediately. I wouldn't think about Jackson lying there, lifeless... dead. No, I wouldn't.

I changed quickly into my pajamas and went to bed straight away. I just wanted to fall asleep as soon as possible, hopefully without having any dreams. The best thing about Peter being away was that I didn't have any dreams these past two weeks. And I hated to admit it but I felt like this was the _only _good thing about his disappearance.

It felt like it had only been a few minutes after I'd fallen asleep when I woke up again. I didn't know what had woken me but I had the strange feeling that I wasn't alone. Still a bit sleepy I looked around my room, wondering if I'd just imagined things.

"Hello, Lydia."

I gasped with shock. His voice didn't come from somewhere in the room. It had come from right beside me.

I turned and then I saw him, sitting on my bed as if it was the most normal thing in the world. I had no idea how long he'd already been here, watching me sleep. That was so creepy.

"Why can't you just call before you break into my room?"

"Well, that definitely wouldn't be as exciting, would it? And just for the record, I didn't break into your room. I broke into your house."

"That's the same thing. But it's so creepy what you do! Watching me sleep! I feel like I'm living in some crazy Twilight world. You're like Edward. He'd also climbed in through the window and watched this girl sleep. It's the creepiest thing ever!"

Peter looked at me in faked shock. "Have you just compared me to this bloodsucking loser? Ouch, this hurts – this hurts more than everything you could have said. You have injured my pride, Lydia. Very much. I am way more badass than these... sparkling things. And I'd never want to be a vampire. They're not as cool as everyone seems to think they are. Even though I don't see the appeal at all."

I just shook my head but couldn't help myself from laughing. "It's still creepy to break in here while I am sleeping though."

"I surely didn't want to freak you out. But just so you know, I didn't come through the window. I came through the front door. I have quite a talent for unlocking doors. And I've made myself a sandwich while you've slept. I've only been in here for a few minutes and I didn't want to wake you up yet. I hope it's okay I've took the last bit of cheese, though."

I could do nothing but stare at him in wonder. Okay, apart from breaking into our house, this all sounded so... normal. He'd been away for nearly two weeks and now he was back, acting like he'd never left. He'd even helped himself to a sandwich, using our kitchen like he'd lived here. I just didn't know what to think of this man. Sometimes he annoyed the hell out of me. Sometimes I was afraid of him. And sometimes... well, sometimes I just really enjoyed being with him, as much as I hated to admit it. Or did I? Did I really hated it so much to tell myself the truth?

"So... Now that I'm already awake you could stay for a while. I still have your jacket, you know." I wouldn't admit that I had taken it out of my drawer sometimes to just stare at it or hold it in my hands. That was just as embarrassing as cuddling with Jackson's stupid letter.

"I know." Peter looked at me, smiling softly. "You can give it back to me later." He then reached behind him, pulling out a bag of gummy bears. "I didn't find some cookies so I thought these were okay as well. Want some?" "Well, since they're practically mine you wouldn't need to ask me, but yeah, sure, why not..."

He pulled the bag open and laid it between us before he leaned against the wall. It was the first time I've seen him look so relaxed. It was the first time ever things between us just seemed... normal. Nothing supernatural occurred. Yet at least.

"Where have you been these past two weeks?"

"I feared that you'd ask me that. And I'm afraid I can't tell you about it, Lydia."

I knew that he'd say something like this. I just knew that he wouldn't tell me what he'd been up to. And maybe it was better this way. Maybe I shouldn't push him into telling me anything about it. I didn't want him to go but I feared that this exactly would happen if I'd go too far.

"It's okay. I mean... we can talk about other things."

It only know occurred to me that Peter and I had never really talked about other things – except for mocking each other or some of the supernatural stuff going on around here. We'd never had just hung out and talked. And it seemed strange doing it and yet at the same time I haven't felt this good in weeks.

"What would you like to talk about?"

He looked at me questioningly. Before thinking about it I leaned back as well, realizing I'd moved much closer to him now. "I don't know. Just... tell me something. Anything."

Without realizing what I did, I rested my head against his shoulder. I knew I shouldn't do this, knew I shouldn't be this close to him. But the thing is: I wanted to feel him so much closer. I wanted to rest my head against his shoulder, just wanted to sit here with him. I didn't know what it even meant. I had no idea what I felt. But right in this moment it was the only thing I wanted and for once I just decided to act on it.

I felt him looking at me for a long moment in silence until he finally started to talk. "I am not good at story telling, but I might try. Well... let's see... There was this boy once. He'd been quite the loner. He had no real friends and sometimes he even doubted his sanity. He was lonely, really lonely. He wished for someone who'd be there for him, who'd understand. And then he met this girl. She was rather beautiful." He took one strand of my hair, playing with him thoughtfully while he talked. Just this simple touch send shivers down my spine. And I knew that I could no longer pretend that this was an unpleasant feeling. It had been unpleasant, scaring at first... But now it just wasn't anymore.

"Bet I don't think she even realized how wonderful she truly was. I think our nice geeky boy fell for her quite quickly. The thing is... He just imagined her. She wasn't there at all. He had just longed so much for someone who would understand him, someone who is just like him that he'd imagined her. But she had never been real and that... that was the end of it."

I looked up at him, confused. "That was a short story. And certainly not a nice one. I like stories with happy endings." I thought if he'd talked about him and me – in some kind of weird way. Just with reserved roles or something. But the thought made me uncomfortable. I just couldn't get used to Peter telling me something about his feelings, even though it wasn't much, basically nothing. But still... There was more to him than I had thought, I knew this now.

"Real life doesn't have happy endings, Lydia," he said quietly. "You should have learned that lesson by now."

"I do have learned it – the hard way, like you surely must know better than anybody. But that doesn't mean the stories you're telling me can't have a happy ending, does it?"

"I am not the 'and they lived happily ever' kinda guy."

"That certainly doesn't surprise me very much. But you could make an exception. For me, you know..."

I tried to look at him like Prada always looked at me when my dog wanted to have another treat.

He just laughed quietly and I felt his body vibrating to it. "Well, next time. Maybe. I think I'm done with story telling for the night."

"Well and I think you should really work on your story telling talents. You might be good at unlocking doors but your story telling needs improving."

Peter turned to face me, looking right into my eyes. He stroked a loose strand of hair out of my face, behind my ear, still smiling. "I'll work on it, I promise."

"I actually thought you'd tell me some ghost story about werewolves."

"Well, werewolves aren't ghosts... But I definitely have to watch a horror movie with you sometime. I'd like to see you crawl under your blanket. Besides it's not fun watching movies with Derek. He always spoils the ending for me."

I laughed, wondering if he was serious or not. "So Derek is the horror movie kinda guy?"

"Yes, absolutely. Didn't you notice what kind of a freak show my nephew is? He could be starring in some of those movies as well. I think he's really scary."

"Well, I think he's kinda strange but... scary might suit him as well. Even though I don't know what exactly you are if Derek is scary."

"Me? I am the absolutely stunning and gorgeously handsome uncle, of course."

"I wouldn't have put it like that. More like the creepy, freaky uncle."

He just sighed. "You'll never admit how dashing you think I am, won't you? And stop calling me an uncle. That makes me sound way more older than I actually am."

I'd never thought about that. His age, I mean. Well, there had been plenty of other things to worry about Peter Hale. First of all him being a dangerous and terrifying werewolf, of course. But so much had changed between him and me. Wasn't it creepy to hang out with someone who was older than me? And... well, wasn't it even more creepy for me to be so close with him when he could be thirty-something?

"You're not thinking about my age right now, are you?"

I almost blushed, feeling caught. "No, of course not. Why should it even bother me how old you might be? Since you're not a vampire I know that you can't be over a hundred years old or something."

He laughed, shaking his head. "Nope, that would be even more creepy. So I think you don't have to worry about a too huge age gap."

"I guess not," I said, trying not to think too hard about what he might mean exactly. Was he thinking about him and me in that same kind of way like I thought about us? No, of course I didn't really think about us this way. I was just... wondering. Nothing more than that.

We just sat there in silence for a few moments. It was a nice silence, a pleasant one. I just felt comfortable being with him like this. I even closed my eyes for a few seconds, barely realizing I cuddled even closer to him. I felt his cheek lean against my hear. He didn't touch me any more than that, though, but it was okay. It was just what I needed, a tender, lovely touch, knowing that someone was here with me.

I must have fallen asleep sometime in the night because when I've opened my eyes again it was already light outside. And Peter had gone. I've sighed and when I sat up in bed I noticed something on my pillow. My heart skipped a beat when I realized what it was.

A small, single flower.

A beautiful flower.

It wasn't like the ones he'd always left me... well, before. It wasn't wolf's bane. I had no idea what this flower was or where he'd gotten it. It had dark red blossoms and its scent was magnificent. I held the flower in my hand, almost careful because I didn't want to break it. After admiring it a few seconds longer, I laid it on my bedside table.

Now he'd left me a flower. A real flower. The other ones... well, they'd been hallucinated, hadn't they?

I had no idea what to even do. I just knew that I couldn't push him away. Not only because Peter would never let me but also because I didn't want him to leave.


	9. Chapter 9: You're My Head

**A/N: **I have spontaneously changed the title of this story from "Seven Devils" to _"No Light in your bright blue eyes"_. After thinking about it over and over again I thought that it'd fit the story much better than the other title. So in case you get confused, the story is still the same - I just named it differently.

This chapter - or at least a great part of it - also is the other one I've written from Isaac's POV. All the other chapters after this one will be only from Lydia's POV, like I've said before. Also, I would like to encourage everyone to review my story. I know that it gets views and I would just love to hear what people who are actually reading it think about it.****

CHAPTER nine  
_Isaac Lahey  
_

* * *

"What are you up to? I just don't get it, Peter. You're telling me nothing at all. I don't trust you."

"I really have no idea why you keep repeating that. I know. But it doesn't really bother me to be quite honest."

Well, one couldn't say that things in our admittedly strange living community ever got boring. Especially not if you lived under one roof with Derek and Peter Hale. Of course it wasn't really a roof – we lived in an underground subway station. We still haven't found an apartment. I think Derek had pushed the thought out of his mind again after his uncle hadn't mocked him about having no real apartment anymore.

But they fought about other things.

I could understand why Derek didn't trust his uncle. After everything what Derek had told me, I wouldn't have trusted him either. He'd killed Derek's sister and there was clearly something wrong with this guy. Though he could be quite funny. I still didn't understand what had happened before between them. And I really thought I didn't want to understand. All these talk about Peter being dead and being awakened again.

I just never thought that someone could return from the dead. I thought that when someone died they'd stay dead. Period. There was no coming back.

I hated to admit it but thinking about the dead coming back made me wonder if my dad could come back. And I hated it much more to admit that this thought scared the hell out of me.

"I had things to do. Nothing that would be of your concern, Derek."

"I'm warning you. If you are trying to betray me..."

Peter shot Derek a look which pierced like several daggers. "I am not. We're on the same side. I surely don't want this Alpha Pack to kill us all and take over the town. They certainly won't have mercy. They'll kill me just like they'll kill you and everyone of your little friends. I mean these guys you like to hang out with – you know? These teenagers you keep turning into werewolves. Really, Derek, I have to question your choices which humans to turn into one of us..." He glanced at me. "No offense."

I just nodded.

But Derek didn't seem amused by his uncle's words. Well, he never laughed about anything that Peter said. Or about anything at all to be specific.

"We should try to find out more about the Alpha Pack! They're not showing themselves yet and I just wonder what that even means. They're not attacking, we haven't seen any of them. It's like they've just vanished. It must be a part of some bigger plan. I think we should just go to them, find them and get it over with."

Peter eyed his nephew, looking almost amused. "And how will you hope to achieve that? With this little army of pups you've got there? They'll tear you apart, Derek. It'd be a suicide mission. You'd be stupid to just play yourself into their hands."

"Then what do you suggest we do?"

"Stay calm. Trying to keep our eyes open, looking for signs where they might be. And finding out what they want. It'd be unwise to storm into a fight we know as good as nothing about. They're extremely strong, Derek. Each and every one of them is an Alpha."

Derek glared at his uncle. What he'd said didn't seem to satisfy him at all.

"But I still want to know what you've been up to these past few weeks. Where have you even been some nights?"

"I did some thinking." That was all he said. "Besides, I think your, uhm, so-called home is way too crowded with three people in here."

Derek obviously didn't believe Peter. He thought that he was up to something but he couldn't quite put a finger on it. I knew that he just wanted to believe that Peter really wanted to help. He'd helped them save Jackson after all. Without him Derek might have given up on saving Jackson. Without him he might not even have tried so save him. He'd killed him without hesitation before Jackson would have killed all of us.

Without saying another word Peter turned to leave again. Derek and I looked after him without turning to look at each other for a moment.

"So... d'you think he...?"

"I don't know," he just said. "But I think I'll talk to Scott once more. I'll try to let him see reason. We've got to keep together now. It's just a feeling but... I think that a storm is coming up. I want Scott to fight alongside us when the storm hits the town."

"Er... I could talk to him as well. I mean, I'll see him anyway in school tomorrow."

Derek frowned, giving me a strange look. "I think I'll rather talk about this to him myself."

I nodded, understanding. "Sure." Even though Derek didn't ever talk about it, I knew that the state of his pack really bothered him. And I think it hurt him as well – he'd had so much plans for his pack and now there was barely anything left of it. Erica and Boyd had made a run for it and I'd have done it too if I hadn't decided against it at the last moment. And it wasn't necessarily been because of Derek. I'd realized that I had friends here. Scott was a friend to me, the best friend I'd ever had.

"I'll go now," said Derek, putting on his leather jacket.

"See you later," I called after him, but he'd already left. Sighing deeply I sit back into one of the seats in the train. I had a feeling, too, that things were going to get a lot worse.

_Pain... so much pain... and power... he wanted to have the power to end it, to finally do what had to be done... He wanted to hurt them. He wanted to do so much more to them. But he needed power. And he knew that he would die tonight if he didn't end this in a kill. And it shouldn't be his own murder._

Lydia rolled around in her bed, breathing heavily. She was dreaming. And it was nightmare. There were pictures in her head. She couldn't quite make them out, couldn't understand what was even happening. But she knew that something was wrong with Peter. She knew it even in her dreaming state. Something was definitely not okay.

"_You killed him! I told you not to play a trick on us! I told you not to try and do that! Did you think we'd want you on our side if you betrayed us like this?"_

_His jacket was torn, dried blood was all over his face and body. He looked at the man standing in front of him, wearing a smug expression on his face. "You still know I'm the best. It's not easy to beat one of you, you know. Even to kill one of you... You need me – and I need you. Or, well, maybe I don't anymore. Maybe I've gotten exactly what I wanted now."_

"_We don't need you. I just want to see you dead!"_

_With that he sprung at him, claws spread out in front of him..._

Lydia felt the claws bore inside her flesh. She felt the pain... Unbearable pain...

With a gasp she awoke. She'd sat up in bed at once, holding a hand to her chest. She was sure she'd see blood on it but there was nothing. But the pain... it had felt so real...

Lydia didn't know what was going on. She didn't know what had happened.

But one thing she knew for sure: Peter was in danger. There seemed to be another werewolf which whom he was in a fight. And all Lydia could think of was the pain she had felt.

She knew exactly where he was in the woods. And without thinking about it she just got out of bed. She had to find him. Lydia didn't know what she would do. But she couldn't worry about that. It was reckless, it was unbelievably stupid. But she still couldn't stop herself from doing it. She had to find Peter. She had to save him. Somehow. She just had to.


	10. Chapter 10: You're My Heart

**CHAPTER ten  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

I struggled to get out of bed. My heart raced in my chest. I didn't know what to do once I would find him. I had no idea what was even happening. Maybe I'd just hallucinated things. But I hadn't. I was most certainly sure that what I'd just seen was happening. Right now.

And I had to do something. I had to find Peter. I had to help him.

But I had no idea what I should do once I had found him. I clearly wasn't capable of fighting – especially not against werewolves. I thought about the last time when a werewolf had attacked me... It'd been Peter. How ironic this whole situation was. Now I wanted to risk my own life just to help him. How had things gotten so out of control?

I couldn't do anything to stop myself, though. I didn't even want to. And it was not because Peter manipulated me or used me. It was all myself. I had made the choice to try to help him. It was all my doing. I wanted to do this. It wasn't anything like it had been when he'd manipulated me. Still, it was a messed up situation.

After I had put one some clothes I went down and through the door. Fortunately my mother didn't notice anything because I wasn't too careful to be quiet. I had just wanted to get out of here as fast as I could.

I knew that what I was about to do was absolutely suicidal. But I was just so scared for him. I didn't want him to get hurt. I had no idea who this man had been or what they had even been talking about. What was it Peter was after? And why was he involved with such shady and weird people?

Even though I probably shouldn't have asked myself that question. After all, Peter himself was hardly the nice guy next door.

Whatever he was doing out there, whatever situation he might have caught himself up in... It surely wasn't something nice and cozy.

And I knew exactly that all these things were reasons for me to stay away. But I still kept going. I'd already made my choice and I knew that there was no turning back now. I had to find Peter. That was all that mattered at the moment. Finding Peter and making sure he was okay. Sure, I knew that he was a werewolf and that it took much more to kill him. But still. This guy he was with hadn't been human either.

I still had no idea how to intervene in a fight between two werewolves. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe he didn't need my help at all. Maybe he'd even be angry at me for showing up. Or maybe I'd put myself in danger for nothing.

But when I finally get closer to the meadow where I knew they must be, I heard nothing. No fighting noises... Not even voices. Just nothing.

My heart skipped a beat or two, racing even more quickly with shock and fear. What had happened? Could it be that I had been wrong? Was it the wrong meadow or... was I too late?

When I came even closer, I saw someone lying on the ground... I felt my heart sinking. Without really having to look at him, I knew that it was Peter immediately. I moved faster towards him, scared and afraid of what I might see when I was there...

But even as I was still moving, I heard him say, "Damn son of a bitch!" He sat up then, obviously not noticing me yet.

"Peter!" I shouted his name, now running to him. He looked up, confused and stunned. "What are you doing here?"

I didn't respond. I kneed beside him on the ground, gripping his arm. "Are you hurt? What's happened? I... I had a dream about you and... I don't know. I just felt that you were being attacked." Peter stared at me. We both didn't understand how this was even possible. I could sometimes see what he did, what was happening with him in the very same moment. It was strange. And yet I was relieved that he was okay.

"It was nothing," he said curtly. "Just another werewolf. We had a little... disagreement."

I shook my head, couldn't believe any of his words. "It had seemed so much more... I don't know. Serious. I thought that he was going to kill you!"

"Well, he didn't. I'm fine, Lydia. Really. It's nothing. Nothing happened. I just... I tried to find some things out – about the Alpha Pack. But seemed like this guy wasn't to keen on spilling any of his information."

I was still unsure whether to believe him or not. I couldn't quite recall what Peter and the stranger had said in my dream. That always happened after those kinds of dreams, though. The more time passed, the more I forgot about the events I had dreamed about. I could barely recall some pictures of my dream, but what they'd talked about... It was just gone. Like water slipping through my fingers.

"But he hurt you."

"He did," Peter admitted. "But we heal fast. You know that."

I swallowed hard, just nodding. Suddenly I felt so stupid for even coming here. Peter obviously didn't need my help. And even if he had needed it... How was I supposed to help him?

Peter seemed to sense my distress. "Hey, Lydia. Look at me." He put a thumb under my chin and pushed my head up just a little so I had to look at him properly. "You don't need to worry about me. And at least we know now that your, uhm, new-found talent is quite beneficial. You could always call for help when you sense that something's wrong with me. Though you shouldn't have come here alone. So much could have happened. I should be the one protecting you, remember? Not the other way around."

I tried a smile but I knew it must look miserable. "I'm still not sure whether to believe you. I want you to be honest with me."

"I am," he said without hesitating. "There's nothing I'm keeping from you. And I wouldn't do something that could harm you or put you in danger by any means. Don't think about it, okay? It was really nothing and this guy wouldn't have killed me. Besides, it requires a lot more than just some punches to kill me. He just wanted to knock me over so he could get away."

Just some punches... I looked at his shirt which was soaked with blood. My eyes grew wide.

As he followed my stare, he just shrugged. "Okay, there had been claws involved. But like I already said... Werewolves heal fast. It's just blood. You won't even see a scratch."

Then he stood up, holding out his hand to help me get up. I took it without hesitating. "You should still come with me. I want to take a look at those injuries."

He sighed, though was still smiling at me. He seemed amused by my concern.

I still couldn't quite put a finger on it. I still felt like there was something he kept for me. But maybe I was just too cautious, too suspicious. It was Peter. He was still the man who'd tormented me not so long ago, who'd made my life a living nightmare. And even though things had changed between us lately, even though I trusted him more and more as I got to know him better, there was still a part of me which tried to be reasonable. Which tried to warn me that it could end in more than just another heartbreak if I let myself get closer to him.

Only this part of me grew weaker and weaker and it didn't even bother me at all.

"You won't even find any injuries since I've told you for the third time now that I heal quite well on my own. But whatever, I guess I can't keep you from playing nurse."

"No killing your nurse this time though," I said and even though I'd tried sounding funny, I now realized that this didn't sound funny at all. Wow. There had to be something very wrong with me.

He seemed to decide that it was better not answering to this one. We walked through the woods in silence. I felt like shadows followed me with each step I was taking. But every time I looked around myself I couldn't see anything – or anyone for that matter.

When we were in my room a bit later, he sat on my bed, looking up at me. "So... now what?"

I hesitated, not sure what to do now. I wasn't sure if this night could get any stranger but as far as I was concerned, there seemed to be no border for things getting even stranger. "Well, maybe I could get you some towels so we can clean that blood off..."

I turned to leave, but Peter got up again and caught my arm. "Stay. Please."

"I... I mean, I wasn't going to leave like... really leave." Suddenly I was nervous. I just didn't know what to do or what to say. "Lydia..." He whispered my name. I swallowed hard, just looking at him. "Why are you so nervous?"

"I am not nervous," I said even though I knew it wasn't exactly true. But Peter just smiled. He reached out to me, stroking a lose strand of red hair behind my ear. His touch prickled on my skin, though he'd barely touched my skin. I felt my heartbeat fasten again – and this time it wasn't because I was afraid for him.

I was afraid because I had no idea what would happen if I let him touch me.

"You do look like it though."

"Uhm... And you really don't want me to get you a towel?" I wasn't used to being so... I don't know. Shy and insecure. Especially with handling men. But Peter was different. He made me different. Or maybe he just touched me at places so deep inside of me that I hadn't even known they existed myself.

"No. I'm absolutely fine right now."

He cupped my face in his hands, never looking away from me. His gaze hold mine; I couldn't look away either. Even if I'd wanted to.

He leaned closer to me, but not too close to touch my lips yet. "I wanted to thank you. You... well, you could have put yourself at risk. But you came anyway – just to help me. After... well... after everything... I just really appreciate it."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I've done so much to hurt you. I know that I've made your life a living hell. And I know that you have no reason to believe me or to even trust me. But I won't do that anymore. I won't hurt you anymore. I promise. There's no one left in this world I'd make a promise to but you. You're different, Lydia Martin."

I stared at him, still not sure what to say. His words touched something within deep inside of me. "I believe you. I mean... I think I do. I'm still not sure what to think – or what to feel."

He just nodded. I felt him stroking my cheek. I shivered at his touch and closed my eyes for a moment, just couldn't resist but to let it show how much I enjoyed him touching me.

"I think I would like to kiss you."

At that I opened my eyes again, surprised. I wouldn't have thought him being the kind of guy who asked if it was alright to kiss someone. But I saw something in his blue eyes I'd never seen before. Insecurity.

"I'd like that." I think that he'd even asked for my allowance to kiss him made me want him to kiss me. If he'd just done it... I don't think that I'd push him away. But it would feel like he'd just take everything he wanted. Just like he'd manipulated me to do what he wanted. But him asking if it was okay for him to kiss me – it showed that he really did care about me.

"You sure?"

He still seemed uncertain. He didn't want to hurt me, I realized.

But before I could say anything else, he added, "I don't want you to regret it. And... after all I've done to you. I would understand if... well... I am not a good guy, Lydia. There's nothing controlling my mind. I do what I do because I think it's right at the time, no matter what other people might think. I wouldn't call myself a monster – but I'm not exactly good either.

And I don't even know what this between us is. But I just know that I want to be with you. I hurt you, I've hurt you so badly and I don't want you do something you might regret later. I don't want to sound like some idiot, but... I just want you to be sure about this."

I think this were the most genuine words I've ever heard Peter Hale say. I think it must've been quite a long time when he'd last poured his heart out to someone. And even though I knew that he hadn't exactly poured his heart out to me, I knew how big of a step it was for him to even get this far. I didn't think that Peter Hale was capable of talking about feelings – a few weeks ago I'd thought he didn't even have any. So I knew that what happened between us must really mean something to him. He wouldn't have told me all of this otherwise. It couldn't be an act. It just didn't feel like it. I just... I think it was about time to admit it, to really admit it to myself. I trusted him.

I sighed, shaking my head. "Shut up and kiss me already, would you?"

He raised his eyebrows, but then a grin flashed across his face. Well, what I'd just said wasn't exactly what I'd plan to say but... It were the words that'd just come to my mind then.

He didn't say anything, just stroked my cheek softly. Peter leaned in closer to me. It felt like forever until our lips finally met. And to finally feel it, the touch of his lips on mine, was electrifying. At first the kiss was soft and light, but it grew more hungrily with each passing second.

My arms closed around his neck and I buried my hands in his hair. I felt his hands brush through my hair, stroke over my back... I've no idea how long we stood there, kissing each other. When we pulled apart, though, I gasped for air.

"Well, that was...," I began, not quite sure how to put it in words.

"... Nice."

"Yeah. I mean... That's quite an understatement, isn't it?"

He just grinned. "I told you I was quite the kisser. Now you also have to admit how amazingly handsome and witty I am."

I rolled my eyes though the effect wasn't quite as I wanted it to be because I couldn't stop grinning. I still punched him in the arm.

"You're just so full of yourself that you keep ruining moments like this."

He sighed, looking exaggeratedly disappointed. "You'll never admit how good looking I am."

"There's nothing to admit because you're not that pretty. And last time I checked it was always men who told women how pretty they are. Not the other way around."

He looked at me, all serious now. "Like I've said before, you're not just beautiful and incredibly intelligent, you're special."

Special. He'd said special. Not immune. When he'd first told me this, it was like that this was the most fascinating and interesting part about me. My immunity which I still didn't understand. No one of us understood why I was immune to the werewolf bite. But now he didn't say anything about it. He'd said _special_. He thought that I was special.

"Sounds better."

He smiled at me and for a moment I thought I'd seen something else in his eyes. Not mockery, not even happiness. Sadness. I thought I'd seen a tang of sadness in his blue eyes. But it was gone as fast as it had appeared. Maybe I'd just imagined things.

"You always get what you want, don't you, Lydia Martin?"

"Yep. Pretty used to getting what I want, to be honest."

"You fascinate me. Right from the first moment I saw you... Admittedly, it was your immunity what interested me at first about you."

"How did you even know?"

"I just opened my eyes." It was all he said and even though I didn't understand what he meant – and usually I was pretty clever and understood most things way faster and better than most people – I didn't push him to tell me more about it. Biting me had been his back-up plan, so much I knew. He'd bitten me in the knowledge – or the assumption – that I was immune and that it would possibly mean for me to be his lifeline. The only string still holding him here even after he'd died.

But I also knew that Peter didn't know everything about my immunity. He'd admitted that he'd no idea why we were still bounded to each other, even after... well, even after my work had been done.

Then he pulled away from me at last, only holding my hand still. "It's late. I think it's better if I go now."

I was surprised. "You want to go?"

"Yes... I mean... I just think it'd be better. We should take things slowly. And no one should know."

Well, that was true. Allison had been infuriated just because I'd let him walk me home. I didn't even want to imagine how she'd react if I told her I'd kissed Peter. But I still couldn't quite process it myself. I had kissed Peter Hale. And I didn't even feel a sting of regret. Maybe it would come later but for now I felt good. I haven't felt this good in weeks. I didn't even think about...

_Jackson_.

I swallowed. And there it was. That sting of guilt and regret I hadn't want to feel.

But I wouldn't feel guilty about kissing him. Especially not because of Jackson. It'd been Jackson's decision to leave me. He'd destroyed everything we'd had.

"You're right," I said then, smiling at him.

He kissed the back of my hand before letting go of it. "Good night."

"You too. Uhm... so will you climb out of the window now?"

"No, I think I have to destroy your silly romantic imaginations about Romeo climbing on balconies. And I'm also not the poetry kind of guy. I'll just use the front door." He turned to leave but before he opened my door, he looked at me once more. "I really do hope neither of us will regret what happened tonight."


	11. Chapter 11: It Shouldn't Feel This Right

**CHAPTER eleven  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

I still couldn't believe what I'd done.

I had kissed Peter Hale. When I woke up the next morning I felt like it had all been just a dream until the events of last night came rushing back to me. And it was like it happened all over again. I felt Peter's lips brush mine, felt his hand in my hair... My heart skipped a beat and I swallowed hard. I wouldn't have expected my feelings to be this intense, this strong. But they were almost overwhelming. I had no idea what would happen now. What would it mean for me to be falling for Peter?

And was I really falling for him?

I guess I was. But I couldn't quite understand my own feelings. I was just so confused and my head felt like a total mess. What was I supposed to do now?

I wanted to see Peter again but at the same time I knew that I was probably getting myself in trouble. He wasn't the kind of boy you should want to date. Hell, he wasn't even a boy – he was a grown man, an adult. And he'd done bad things. He'd killed people.

He wasn't like Jackson. Jackson might have killed people as well but he'd been manipulated to do so.

Peter did what he thought was right, no matter what other people might think of it. He'd said it himself last night. He'd warned me right before he had kissed me, I realized now. That was the reason why he'd asked if I was sure that he could kiss me. He didn't want me to feel like this.

But now it was too late. I was already confused.

And I didn't regret it. No matter how confused I was, there was one thing I knew for certain: I didn't regret kissing him because kissing him had felt so good. And not just that... I'd felt right. I didn't know why something so wrong could feel so right. But I wouldn't be able to get Peter Hale out of my system now. I just didn't want to.

After I've gotten out of bed and ready for school, I thought about how I should be able to concentrate in my classes at all today.

I just took a deep breath before going out of the house. But I didn't get that far at all because Peter was standing on the porch. I wouldn't have expected him, not that early.

"Hey..." He looked at me, smiling admirably. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," I repeated, still looking confused at him. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, at first I wasn't sure if I should even come here. I know it's been only a few hours since we've last seen each other. But I just... Well, I just wanted to see you."

The smile he flashed at me was genuine and sweet. I'd never seen him smile like this before.

I couldn't help but smile as well.

"I am happy to see you," I admitted. "But I have school now."

"Yeah I know – but since I know your grades are above-average, I figured that it wouldn't be such a big deal for you to just skip school for a day."

I thought about it for a moment even though I knew deep inside that I'd made the choice already. I'd made the choice the first moment I've seen him out here.

"Sure. It won't hurt me to miss one day of school." With that I went closer to him. Peter took my hand, squeezing it softly. "Where will we go?"

"We'll make a trip. Into the woods."

"Why doesn't this surprise me at all? You seem to be quite fond of the woods, aren't you?"

"You know how it is with wolves and forests. They just like to howl somewhere spooky at the moon."

I just laughed, shaking my head. "So will we go hiking or something like that?"

"No, we'll make ourselves quite comfortable."

"Sounds good. Better than hiking anyway."

I smiled at him and then we started walking. I've followed him through the woods in silence, not once letting go of his hand. I thought about how long things could go on like this. How long we'd be able to meet each other in secret. Or how long Peter would want it... How long I would want to do this.

But I was already in too deep. I've realized that just this morning when I'd thought about our kiss without regretting it even a little bit. He'd done bad things, yes. He'd also done very bad things to me. And I wasn't sure if I had even forgiven him. But at the same time I trusted him. At the same time I wanted to spend time with him. It was still more than confusing.

After nearly an hour of walking through the woods we got to a meadow. "This could be our secret hiding place, if you like. I've been here often and there are never many people, most of the time none at all."

"It's pretty," I said, looking around. There was a stretch of grass and everything around it were tall trees, towering over the meadow and casting long shadows.

Peter sat on the grass against one of the trees and I sat down beside him. He looked at me, still smiling, before putting an arm around me and pulling me closer to him. I rested my head against his shoulder, breathing in his scent.

"It feels good," I whispered. "Being here with you."

"It does." He stroked my hair, playing with a few of my strawberry red curls. "I'd never have thought that I could feel this... well, relaxed again." His voice wasn't more than just a whisper, a soft breeze in the wind. I wasn't even sure if he'd talked to me or just to himself.

"I'm happy you feel this good," I said, looking up at him. Peter also looked at me, the smile fading from his lips. "I don't deserve you to make me happy."

"Maybe you don't." I stroked his cheek, then touching his soft, black hair. "But I'm happy anyway." We just looked at each other for a long moment until he bend down to kiss me. I pressed my body closer against his. At first the kiss was soft and sweet but it soon grew more passionate. I felt his hands on my back, stroking it and I pulled at his hair, trying to get as close to him as I possibly could.

It took us a very long time to finally pull apart. I'd no idea if we'd kissed dozens of times or if it was just this one kiss, changing from passionate and hungry to sweet and innocent again and again. It was overwhelming. I thought that it would never feel this wonderful to kiss someone after I'd lost Jackson. But it felt wonderful to kiss Peter Hale. I couldn't compare him and Jackson – and I didn't want to. I just knew that I liked kissing him. I _really _liked it.

"Well, I've got to admit that this is quite relaxing as well."

"Relaxing?" I laughed. "I think it kinda speeds up the heart rate."

"Yes, I know," he said with a smirk. "I can hear your heart beating fast inside your chest." He stroked my face again, then his hand stroked over my chin, my neck... and it stopped on my chest, just where the heart was. "I hear your heartbeat and I can feel it vibrating through your body. In fact, it's beating quite fast right now."

It was. I stared at him in amazement. I still had to get used to werewolves and their superpowers. Like their sharpened senses and stuff. It was still weird to think about it. To think that it was all real. All the stories I'd thought were just ghost stories were real. Well, except for vampires of course.

"It's creepy. You hearing my heart beat, I mean."

He just grinned. "Well, I guess you have to deal with it." Peter played with one of my red curls again, winding it around his finger. "You know, I think you would have caught my attention even if you weren't immune."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... I would have wanted you, immune or not. I would have wanted you in my pack."

At first I didn't understand what he meant by that, but then... I understood. Swallowing hard I looked up at him, trying not to let the fear in my eyes show.

"You would've turned me into a werewolf?"

"That's exactly what I would have done, yes."

"And I guess you wouldn't have asked me if I wanted to be a werwolf, would you?"

Peter was silent for a moment until he looked at me, almost apologetically. "Had I asked for your permission before I've attacked you at the Dance?"

"Good point."

There he was again. Just a second ago he'd joked and smiled and now... He was the scaring, terrifying werewolf again. The man who'd scared me so much. The man I'd been so afraid of in my dreams and hallucinations. And yet I couldn't make myself get up and away from him. I just couldn't do it.

Because the thing is: even though the things he said scared me. But he himself didn't scare me at all. He might have once but now I just thought he wouldn't hurt me on purpose again. Maybe it was foolish. Maybe it didn't even made sense. But it was the way I felt about him.

"I would have wanted you to be a part of me, Lydia. I would have wanted you to be just as astonishing and wonderful like you already are. You'd been a great werewolf, I'm sure of that."

"I'm just glad I'll never get to find that out." He seemed to sense the slightest trace of anger in my voice because I saw his expression change a little.

"I didn't want to upset you, Lydia." He cupped my face in his hands, looking right into my eyes. "I told you I...-"

"Yes. I know. You told me you were one of the bad guys. Just keep your bad plans for yourself." I tried to pull away from him but he wouldn't let me. "I'm sorry, Lydia. I truly didn't mean to upset you. It was actually meant as a compliment..." "What a nice compliment. I think you really need to work on that."

He sighed deeply before pulling me closer to him. "What I wanted to say is that you are special. You are more special to me than anyone else. When I'd turned Scott, I could've easily just turned his weird friend. I chose Scott randomly. But you... I would have wanted you to be a part of my pack, not someone else. You. Because you are special, Lydia Martin, and even with your immunity you're still special. And it's kina ironic and it doesn't even make sense but the most fascinating thing about you is your humanity."

I stared at him, unsure what to say. We just looked into each others eyes. I couldn't look away and I didn't want to.

Then we kissed each other again. The kiss wasn't innocent or sweet – it was burning with passion and heat. I pressed my body even harder against his, pulling my arms tightly around his neck. It was like there was nothing around us at all, everything that had happened these past few weeks seemed forgotten... All that mattered was him and me in this moment.

Peter and I had spent hours in the woods. We'd just talked or sat together in silence. And we had kissed. Quite a lot actually.

Although he'd wanted to walk me home I'd managed to talk him out of it. It was sweet of him to be this protective – I still couldn't believe that I used the word _sweet _and _Peter Hale _in one sentence – but I was a grown up girl. I could walk home on my own. Besides, I was afraid I would have asked him to stay the night and it might not even lead to something... well, specific. But it scared me spending the night with him so I thought it was best for me to just go home by myself.

When I've gotten to my house, I already sensed that I wasn't alone. I stood there, almost frozen. And then I saw him. He walked out of the shadows of the porch and looked at me. I couldn't believe it. I must be dreaming. It was impossible.

But it was him. He stood there, right before my eyes.

"Hey, Lydia."

It was his voice. It was him.

I thought I might collapse any second.

Jackson. It was Jackson. Jackson was back.


	12. Chapter 12: Why Did You Do This To Me?

**CHAPTER twelve  
**_Lydia Martin_

* * *

I just couldn't believe it. He was back. I'd never expected to see Jackson again. Ever. And now there he was, standing right before me, smiling slightly. What the hell?

He'd just left me and now he was back, without a warning. I'd spend the day with someone else and now my ex-boyfriend was back.

Well, one could imagine how freaking confusing this was.

"Jackson? What...? How?"

I couldn't even form a proper sentence. I was just too stunned and stood there frozen. I'd read Jackson's letter over and over again. What he'd written had sounded like he didn't plan to come ever back to Beacon Hills. He'd written that I would hate him for sure after what he'd done to me.

And I had hated him. But I'd also still loved him. And I wasn't sure what I was feeling now.

Jackson had broken my heart into thousands of pieces. And somehow Peter had been able to pick up the pieces. He'd been the one to catch me when I was about to fall into darkness. I still didn't know why Peter of all people. But he'd been there for me. He'd made me feel better these last few days than I'd felt in weeks.

And now Jackson was back and I felt the pain, the heartbreak rushing through me again.

What was the meaning of all this? Why was he back when he'd supposedly hadn't plan on coming back at all?

"Lydia... I know this must be pretty confusing for you."

"To say the least, it _is_. I just don't understand. Why are you back? Why have you even left in the first place? You... Can you imagine what you've done to me?"

"Lydia, please. Can't we just go in and talk? There's so much I need to tell you."

"I'm not sure I even want to hear anything of what you have to say anymore, Jackson. You've dumped me. Just like you'd dumped me before. Why should I even be surprised? That seems to be what you always do, isn't it? First you dump me, than you come back to me, telling me you love me, just to leave me again."

"It's not like this, Lydia, I swear! Just let me explain..."

"I'm done, Jackson! I can't take any more of this. You seem to think that I'll always wait for you until you have found your sense of reason and come back to me. But I'm done waiting. I've stopped waiting. I don't want to hear what you have to say. I don't want you telling me lies."

"I won't tell you lies!"

I tried to walk to the door. I just wanted to go in. I didn't want to see Jackson. Suddenly I thought what this would have been like when I'd accepted Peter's offer to walk me home. Maybe Jackson would have went off more easily if Peter was with me.

"It was him! He forced me to go! It was Peter Hale!"

At that I stopped in my attempt to turn my key in the lock. I looked up at Jackson, stunned and surprised. Peter? Peter had forced him to leave me?

"What?"

I didn't know what to think anymore. I wouldn't have expected this. But why on earth should Peter do something like this? What would his advantage be in Jackson leaving me?

I was so confused. I needed time to think but after he bomb Jackson had dropped off, I also needed to know more about it.

I took a deep breath before trying to calm myself. "Okay, let's go in," I just said before opening the door. We climbed up the stairs to my room. I was shaking, though I tried to not let it show how messed up I was. I couldn't tell Jackson what had happened between Peter and me, could I?

No, I definitely couldn't do that. I wasn't even sure about my feelings for Peter. Or about my feelings for Jackson. My head – and my heart – was a freaking mess.

"So... tell me." I looked at Jackson, demanding. I moved a few steps away from him, didn't want him to be this close to me. He noticed it, of course, and I thought I saw a flash of pain cross his expressions. But it was gone as soon as it had appeared.

"Why would Peter Hale want you to be gone?"

"I am not sure why. But... he'd told me about the Alpha Pack. He'd told me that they had come for me."

"For you?" I was even more confused now. What the hell had happened?

"Yes. He'd said they'd come to finish me off. After everything that happened... After all the people I had killed, it was a miracle I hadn't exposed the existence of supernatural beings to the world. Peter had said that they would come for me, kill me because they might think I was a danger to all of them. He'd said that they could try to get to me through you. I was scared, Lydia. I didn't think straight. I was still unsure about us. I had done so much wrong these past few months and I'd hurt you so much. Even though I wasn't a Kanima anymore, I could have easily lost control while being a werewolf. He told me about that, too. I was scared that I could hurt you. I was scared of that all the time when we'd been together. I... Well..."

I knew how hard it was for Jackson to talk about his feelings. I remembered how insecure he'd been before asking me if I still loved him after I'd given him the key so many weeks ago. How unsure he'd been of my love for him after everything I had witnessed him doing. After I'd seen him being a monster.

And I knew that the only reason why he was able to tell me all this now was that it must be the truth. He'd really been scared that I could get hurt because of him. And Peter had used his fear of hurting me to get him to leave Beacon Hills. And me.

"I thought that I didn't deserve you anyway."

Jackson's words were barely a whisper. And even though it broke my heart seeing him like this, so crashed and guilty, I couldn't help but think of what Peter had told me in almost every dream he'd visited me after Jackson had left.

He had told me that Jackson didn't deserve me.

I felt like I was about to collapse. I just couldn't process it. Why would Peter do this to me? Why would he make the only person I loved leave me?

And now I felt something for Peter, too. I was angry and I was confused. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted nothing more now than to ask him why he'd done this. And I wanted to hear the truth. But still... I couldn't hate him even now after I've heard the truth. It was disturbing. I had no idea what to do now. I couldn't tell Jackson, I knew that. But could I just forget what had happened between Peter and me and start fresh with Jackson? Pretend like these last few weeks never happened and start off where we'd left things?

No. I knew that this wasn't possible. I couldn't pretend like these past few weeks never happened and I knew that Jackson wouldn't be able to as well. And I couldn't shake off my feelings for Peter, no matter how hard I tried. I'd tried already, hadn't I? And I'd known from the start that Peter wasn't good. I knew that he did things that were not right, even though he thought they were. I just needed to understand why he'd done it.

"It would be better for you to leave now, Jackson."

"Lydia... Have you even listened to me?"

"Yes, Jackson. I have. I've heard everything you'd said and even though I understand why you thought it would be best to leave me, it still doesn't make it right. You should have told me what was going on. You should have told me about your insecurities. We could have everything figured out together! Isn't that what we'd wanted to do after we got back together? Facing all the obstacles that might come in our way together from now on?

But you didn't, Jackson! You just left me. You've left this stupid letter behind, thinking it would make things understand. Thinking it would make me understand. But it didn't! You promised you'd be honest with me. And after everything we've been through together, I would have expected you to tell me what's going on! No matter how scared you might be of me getting hurt. Nothing hurt me as much as you dumping me again! Everyone had let me in the dark these past few months. I knew _nothing_! And now you expect me to understand that this is what you did exactly? Telling me nothing – again!"

Jackson stood there for a long moment in silence. I could see the hurt on his face. I almost regretted what I'd just said to him. I didn't want Jackson to hurt. I knew that he'd just done all of this to protect me. But to be honest? I was done with people trying to protect me. They'd all just hurt me in the end because they treated me like I was too delicate to be told the truth.

"I know that what I did was wrong. And I don't expect you to do anything. I mean... I didn't come back in the illusion that everything would be like it was before I'd gone."

And he was right about that. Nothing could ever be like it was before. We couldn't just go back to how it was before.

But that wasn't just because of what he'd done. It was because I had kissed another man while Jackson had been away.

It was because I'd developed feelings for someone I shouldn't even have any feelings for.

"You're right about that. Things can't be the way they were before. And... even if they could... I don't want them to."

Jackson swallowed hard, just nodding. "I understand why you're mad at me. I really do, Lydia. But please try to understand that I just didn't want you to get hurt because of me."

"But I _did _get hurt," I said sadly. "Not just on the outside like you feared."

We looked at each other for a moment until Jackson turned to leave. I sighed in relief after he'd left my room, collapsing on my bed. I just couldn't believe what had happened. The events of the past few days felt like they were crushing onto me. So much had happened and my feelings were a pure chaos. What was I supposed to do now? How was I supposed to figure this mess out?

I knew what I would have to do soon, though. I needed to talk to Peter.

I needed to see him and I needed to know why he'd done this.

But there was one thing I still wasn't sure about. Whatever his intentions and purposes might have been – would I be able to get him out of my head? Would I be able to hate him? Would I be able to ignore him and move on with my life like nothing had happened between us? Get back together with Jackson eventually even?

There was some small voice in my head telling me that it was impossible. Like I'd noticed before, I was already in too deep. I couldn't let go of Peter now. There was something connecting us to each other and it was much more than just my immunity, I could just feel it. Because even though I knew he was the reason for me suffering these past few weeks, like he'd been the reason for the hell I've went through before, I just couldn't shake off the feeling of his lips on mine. I couldn't shake off the feeling of him holding me. And I knew that this was very, very wrong. I was beginning to lose myself in him and I knew that this shouldn't happen. But it seemed like I had no choice at all. There was something between us and I just needed to explore these feelings I had for him. I didn't want to lose them now.


	13. Chapter 13: Help Me Close My Eyes

**CHAPTER thirteen  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

I haven't even slept at all last night. How could I if there were too many thoughts spinning through my head? I would have liked to talk to Peter just this morning, but apart from that I didn't know where he even was, I couldn't skip school for another day. So I would have to wait for him to come to me – like it usually was. Peter was always the one to come to me. He never let me come to him.

The day I had to spend in school was agonizingly long. It stretched out before me and it didn't seem to end. And I couldn't concentrate on any of my classes. If I weren't this intelligent already I might have an enormous problem.

My thoughts spun around Peter all day. It just didn't make sense. Even if he wanted to do something with me... Even if he needed me for something, whatever it might be... What should it be? He'd told me that I was special. He'd even told me that he would want me to be a werewolf, to be a part of his pack if it was possible. But why would he make Jackson leave me? What meaning was behind all of this?

I didn't even care that most people must thought I was crazy today. I barely talked to anyone. When Allison tried to approach me whilst eating in the cafeteria, I even got up and walked away before she could do anything about it. I didn't want to talk to Allison of all people.

I was relieved that Jackson didn't seem to come back to school just yet. I don't know if I could have handled seeing him again after last night. Especially seeing him in school, like everything was back to normal. Like nothing had happened.

So when I couldn't take the waiting anymore I did something I usually wouldn't have done: instead of skipping a whole day of school I just skipped the last period. It was just PE so it wasn't that important. But still I felt a small sting of guilt when I got out of school. Peter seemed to already rub off on me.

I still didn't know where to find Peter but I just knew I couldn't wait for him to come to me tonight. It was still hours until sundown. I had to talk to him _now_.

So I went to the only place where I knew he was most of the time. The woods.

At first I went to the now even more ruined than ever ruin of the Hale mansion. But unsurprisingly he wasn't there.

I went to the meadow we'd been together just yesterday then, but he wasn't there either. Maybe it'd been a stupid idea to just run out into the woods. How was I supposed to find Peter if I didn't have a clue where he could be?

And even though I felt even more stupid, I did the only thing that came to my mind then. "Peter!" I shouted his name, looking around me. "Where are you? I mean... if you're here then please show yourself. I have to talk to you!"

Oh God. I felt more than just stupid. I felt like a total idiot.

I sighed, hoping no animal had been in shock when it'd heard me screaming like some fool. I wanted to give up and just go home, wait for Peter until tonight, when I turned around and almost cried out in shock. There he was, standing right before me.

"Do you always have to freak me out like that?"

Peter just smiled. "I thought it was immensely cute watching you like this. Calling out for me." He came closer then, touching my cheek. I had wanted to heap reproaches on him the moment I saw him but now... I felt my knees go weak and I couldn't do anything than just stare at his face, right into his beautiful almost hypnotizing blue eyes.

Damn it! I had to get a grip on myself. Now!

"Shouldn't you still be in school? Not that I'd complain about you skipping the rest of your classes just because you wanted to be with me."

"Well, it's not exactly like that.."

I took a deep breath before saying, "I know what you've done, Peter. I know that it is you who'd made Jackson leave town. And leave... me. He came back last night and he told me everything. And I just need you to tell me why you've done this. Why you've done this to... to me."

Peter just stared at me in silence. I wanted to shout at him. I wanted to make him tell me why he'd done it. I couldn't stand him telling me nothing at all. But before I could say anything else he just asked, "So are you two back together now?"

I frowned, surprised. "This isn't about Jackson and me! This is about us! I want you to tell me why you did it! I just... I don't understand."

He sighed, taking a few steps away from me. He seemed to think about what to do now, what to tell me. How to tell me.

"I felt the connection between us. I still felt it, burning deep inside of me. But I just couldn't reach you. I wasn't able to get through to you. And I figured that it was because of Jackson. When I'd... well, when I was in your dreams and hallucinations after I'd attacked you, it was because you've been very vulnerable. You'd been like an open book for me to read. But now, with Jackson by your side, happy and... Well, I couldn't get to you. And I thought that it would work again if he wasn't there anymore. So I told him that the Alpha Pack might try to kill him for the trouble he'd caused, that they might think he's far too dangerous. Which isn't even a lie, Lydia. The Alpha Pack is dangerous – it just isn't only about Jackson. They might kill all of us. But I didn't force him to do anything. I couldn't even have planted these doubts inside him if he hadn't been thinking the same things already! He was afraid of hurting you and that's why he left. I just gave him some... well, final push into doing it."

"And is that supposed to make me feel better? So... why did you want the connection to work again? What is it you want from me?" I couldn't stop myself from sounding angry. Had he used me all the time? Was it still like it'd been before? Had I been just too stupid to notice?

"No, Lydia! No!" He sounded angry himself now, his voice getting louder. "At first, yes... At first I thought that I could use it to my advantage if the connection was back again. But I had just told myself that so I wouldn't have to think about what I was really feeling! I just... I wanted to be with _you_. There was no specific reason why I did that. But I'd never planned to hurt you. Jackson has left you freely. He could have just stayed here. _He could have told you the truth!_

I admit that I'd talked to him about it, but that's it. I didn't force him to leave you! And... I don't regret doing what I'd done either. We would have never gotten so close to each other if I didn't do this. And I don't regret that at all, Lydia. And I know you don't regret it either. You might be angry now but you know that there's something between us. Something... real. I had just wanted to be with you. And you know that I understand you better than anyone. You won't admit it but I know you do. I've been the only one there for you after Jackson had left. I took care of you. And I've never planned on using you. Never. I just needed to be with you."

I knew how much it took him to admit that. To tell me how he really felt. Peter Hale wasn't someone who talked about his feelings easily. And I knew it was the truth. It still didn't make the things he'd done right but like I'd known last night, I knew it now. I couldn't push him away from me. I couldn't make myself just turn around and leave. Just like he needed to be with me, I needed to be with him. I couldn't hate him for pushing Jackson further into leaving me. Maybe I should hate him for it because I'd told Jackson how much I hated it that he couldn't tell me the truth, that he'd rather break my heart than tell me that he was afraid of hurting me.

"You should have told me the truth. I am tired of people telling me nothing at all. Don't you understand? I don't want to be left in the dark anymore. You have told me the truth, Peter. Don't you remember? Even as creepy and messed up as all of this had been... You told me the truth. So I wouldn't have expected you to lie to me."

"I couldn't tell you. You just... You didn't trust me. And why should you have even trusted me after all I had put you through? So what would you have done if I told you? You would have hated me because... Well. Now you trust me but just a few weeks ago things would have been different."

He was silent again for a long moment, before adding almost shyly, "At least I hope you trust me."

I didn't know what to say and do at first. I just stood there, frozen to the spot. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't deny my feelings for Peter any longer. I had feelings for him and they grew even stronger. I couldn't hold them in any longer and if I was completely honest with myself, I didn't even want to hold them in anymore.

"I trust you." My voice was barely more than a whisper.

We just stood there for a moment and I had no idea if it were seconds or minutes passing, looking at each other, drinking each other in. When Peter took a cautious step closer in my direction, I couldn't help myself. I just ran towards him, wrapping my arms around his neck, pressing my body as hard as I could against his.

"Lydia..." He whispered my name in my ear, over and over again. I'd never seen him this relieved. I'd never seen him this open about his feelings before. It was like he'd showed me a side to him he'd never show anyone else.

I stroked his hair, enjoying just being hold by him. I didn't want anything else at the moment. I just wanted him to hold me as tightly as he could.

And then we kissed each other. The kiss was passionate and burned through my veins like fire. I couldn't stop kissing him and I didn't want to. He shoved me to one of the trees around us, pressing me hard against its trunk. I pulled him even closer to me, kissing him harder.

I drank him all in. I didn't want him to stop kissing me. It was the most natural, the best, the most overwhelming feeling in the whole world. I would never have expected it to feel so... so surreal and wonderful. It scared the hell out of me and at the same time I just didn't want it to ever end.

We'd kissed each other like we thought the world would end if we stopped. I felt his lips moving over mine, then they moved over my cheek, my chin, even my neck. I leaned against the tree, closing my eyes, breathing heavy. I still stroked his hair, felt it slip through my fingers softly and delicately like water running through it.

I knew that I could get into so much trouble for doing this. I couldn't tell anyone and yet... Why should it even matter? No one had any say in this matter. I chose who I wanted to be with. But still... everyone would think I was crazy for dating Peter Hale. Could what we had even last?

I was so confused and yet I did not want to think about any of it. I just wanted to be with him and I wanted to enjoy this feeling as long as it'd last. I didn't want to think about any of the obstacles Peter and I might face. And I sure as hell didn't want to think about that it couldn't last. Who was to say that it wouldn't last anyway? I really liked him. I liked him more than I could ever have expected. The feeling of kissing him was overwhelming... I didn't want it to go away.

He looked at me again, smiling softly. "You don't regret what happened the past two days, don't you?"

I leaned my forehead against his, just shaking my head. "No. I don't regret anything that has happened between us."

"I can't promise you that things'll be easy. I think they won't be. It's never easy with me."

"I know." I didn't know what to say. I knew exactly what Peter Hale was – who he was. And the thing is, I thought I'd gotten to know the real him. He was as much the cruel psychopath as he was the man he'd showed me, the man standing right in front of me.

"Do you think you can handle this?"

I breathed out a small sigh. "I am not sure, to be honest." He just nodded, cupping my face in his hands, still slightly smiling. "It's okay. I know it's complicated and I wouldn't want you to go through certain... things."

"What things?"

"I just meant it could get quite complicated. You and me. What other people might think."

"No one needs to know."

He looked at me for a long moment before nodding. But he thought what I was thinking all along. Maybe we could see each other in secret for a certain amount of time but someday someone would see us. Someday it couldn't be a secret anymore. And I guess that wasn't even the biggest problem we had.

"You can't change me, Lydia. You can't change what I think about... well, certain things. And certain people. Don't even try to change me or to... make a better man out of me or whatever it is that might be going on in that pretty head of ours. I'm damaged. I'm even more than damaged. I'm broken. _They _have broken me and I haven't been whole again ever since."

I knew what he was talking about, of course. He talked about the fire, the event that had changed his entire life, had destroyed his family. He'd gone insane after that. And yet he wasn't crazy. Not totally crazy. He wasn't the evil villain I'd thought he was. He had done cruel things, things that'd left me terrified – and they still did. But I've seen so much more in him these past few weeks. He was lonely. He'd nobody in his life. Even his nephew hated him, even though it was understandable after he'd killed Derek's sister. Maybe I was losing my mind as well, seeing that I could feel for someone like Peter Hale. But I just did. I felt for him and I wanted to make him feel better, just like he'd been able to make me feel better even after all he'd done to me.

"I don't want to change you. I like you just the way you are."

He smiled again and I sensed that he didn't believe me. Well, I didn't believe myself either. It was such a cliché'd thing to say. Something I couldn't truly mean because I could never really see past the things he did. Yet I could also see the good things in him. I could see what was also there. And I think I was the only one.

"No you don't. And you really shouldn't."

I didn't know what to say to that. I just looked at him and before I could even try to say anything, he bend down to kiss me again. Whenever we kissed each other I felt like I could easily forget everything that was going on around us.

I had no idea how things should go on now. I just knew that I wanted to be with him, no matter if it was wrong or right. It _felt _right, though. It was wrong in so many way and yet it felt right. I was still confused as hell. Jackson had left me just a few weeks ago and now he was back. I still loved him. But I couldn't be with him anymore. I wanted to be with Peter. Like I said before, I couldn't deny my feelings for him any longer. I had feelings for Peter. True and strong feelings which might lead to something... something even more, something very special. Something I didn't even want to name because it scared me just as much as it got me excited.

And those feelings could be the death of me.

The strangest and most terrifying thing about it? I didn't care. At all.


	14. Chapter 14: The Last Moment

**CHAPTER fourteen  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

_Every heart is built to bend and break  
Like a dam can fall when your tears flood out the lake  
Cause I know living right is sometimes in the cryin'  
And I could live with dyin' tonight_

* * *

Things are going to change.

It was just a feeling I couldn't shake off. Maybe it was because of Peter. Maybe it was because I was fully aware of my feelings for him now. I knew that things just _had _to change. Even though we said we would meet each other in secret, I still knew that it couldn't go on forever like this. But I still wasn't even sure if we could be together, just like that. Was it even possible for someone like Peter to have something like a normal relationship?

And what would it mean for me to have a relationship with someone like Peter?

I wasn't sure of that entirely. But when had things been normal in my life lately? Nothing's normal in Beacon Hills anymore.

I took a deep sigh before running my fingers through my strawberry blond hair, examining myself in the mirror. I looked bad, even I had to admit that. I haven't had a full night of sleep in days and I think I should've gotten used to this by now. Almost every night I was out, meeting Peter. And even if I didn't went out to see him, I would lie awake at night, thinking too much about how my life had changed in these past few months.

And how I'd changed myself. When I looked in the mirror, like I did now, I sometimes felt like I saw a completely different person. I wasn't shallow and popular Lydia Martin anymore. I'd seen things that changed me. I still was strong and independent. And I still build up this facade every time I went to school because I didn't want anyone to see how different I was now. And I wasn't entirely different. I mean, some things'd never change, would they? I still was fun to be around, I ofttimes spoke before thinking, I was still incredibly intelligent and witty. I hadn't turn into an entirely different person, had I?

And still... Being with Peter had changed my life more than anything that had happened these past few months. And that meant a lot, considering I'd thought I was about to go insane just a few months ago – because of the man I was with now. Maybe I had gone insane after all.

Though I didn't care. There was nothing better at the moment than being with Peter. I always looked forward to seeing him. I know I shouldn't be. But I couldn't stop myself, didn't even want to. So what was the point in trying to deny my feelings for him?

I took a deep breath again and when I turned around, he was there. I almost automatically took a step back, startled and shocked. "My God. Why do you always have to do this? I swear, you're gonna give me a heart attack one day! Can't you just knock or at least say something like any normal person would?"

Peter smirked. "I could but... I have to admit that it wouldn't be as much fun. You always look very adorable when you're startled."

"You're not very nice, you know."

"Yes, I do know that." Peter came a few steps towards me until he stood right in front of me. He looked at me, admiring. I loved the way he looked at me sometimes. Like I was the most beautiful and precious person he'd ever seen and not just a teenage girl who was – admittedly – much too young for him. But I didn't think about the age difference anymore. Of all the obstacles and differences which Peter and I had to face, I think the age difference was the least of it.

He stroked a lose strand of red hair behind my ear, still smiling. "So, what would you like to do tonight?" he asked me then. I thought about it for a moment. When we were together, we mostly spend our times in the woods. The woods had used to scare me but they didn't anymore.

"I think it'd just like to stay home. I'm not feeling like going out tonight."

"Sure. Staying home it is then."

I took his hand and pulled him closer to my bed. We sat together on it. Peter locked his arms around me and I rested my head against his chest.

"Where have you been these past two nights?"

I hadn't seen Peter at all in the last two nights. Sometimes he told me when he thought that he wouldn't be able to come to my house the night before. Sometimes we even planned on meeting but most of the time he just came whenever he wanted to. That still got on my nerves, to be honest, but I couldn't talk him out of it.

"I hate waiting for you in vain," I added and he sighed, kissing the top of my head.

"I know and I'm sorry. I just had... things to do."

"What things?" I knew it wouldn't matter if I asked him that question. He wouldn't answer anyway.

"It doesn't matter. I'm here now. That's all that matters."

I sighed, just shaking my head. Maybe it was better if I didn't know what he was up to when he wasn't with me. "Is it about the Alpha Pack? Is that what keeps you busy? Jackson had mentioned that Derek is still concerned about them and that he wants his and Scott's help in that matter."

"So you're still talking to Jackson then?"

I looked at him. He always did that. He always changed the topic when I wanted to talk about something he couldn't tell me anything about. And that made me angry. He'd said himself that he'd been the only one to tell me at least parts of the truth when all my friends had left me in the dark.

"You know how much I hate it when you don't tell my anything."

"I know Lydia, I know." He seemed to sense my anger now. Peter looked at me apologetically, pulling me in an embrace more tightly. "But there isn't anything I could tell you, really. There hadn't been anything new from the Alpha Pack. I mean, except for their sign appearing on Scott's house now as well, not just the Hale mansion. But we have no idea where they might hide or if they're in Beacon Hills most of the time at all. We still haven't seen any of them."

I had heard about that. The sign of the Alpha Pack appearing on Scott McCall's house, I mean. "Do you think they are out to hurt you? I mean... you and Derek and... all of you?"

He was silent for a moment before he looked right into my eyes. "They definitely are. Yes."

I swallowed hard. I thought about how it'd been when Jackson was still the Kanima. He'd killed innocent people because someone had forced him to. But this Alpha Pack was an entirely different kind of danger. For one thing, they seemed to be incredible strong. All the strength of so many Alphas combined. They had to be very dangerous.

"You'd wanted to be an Alpha, hadn't you?"

I felt him stiffen for just a moment but he relaxed again as soon as it had come. "Yes. I'd wanted to be _the _Alpha once. The Alpha of my own pack."

"Don't you want to be that anymore?"

"What are you suggesting, then? Killing my nephew?" He tried to sound lightly but the joke wasn't really funny. After all, he'd killed his niece to become Alpha.

"Well, of course not."

He just sighed, stroking my hair thoughtfully. "I guess I can call myself lucky that my nephew did want me in his pack. Otherwise I'd be an Omega now, just like our little Scottie. Even though I still think my nephew doesn't do that good of a job. Running around and turning every angst-ridden teenager wasn't that clever. And he even let two of them leave."

"Erica and Boyd," I said, thinking about the two werewolves I'd barely had anything to do with. "We've never heard anything about them again."

"Why would you? They probably are on some deserted island now, sipping cocktails and living the sweet life we'll never get to have."

"Why do you think so? I mean... maybe someday our lives will be a bit more normal again as well." I looked at him, feeling foolish for being so hopeful. I didn't even know if Peter and I could have something like a life together at all.

"'Cause life's a bitch. I know that, sweetheart. I've experienced it first hand. Don't wanna sound harsh but that's just the way it is."

The look he gave me was sad even though I knew he'd tried to be funny. Seemed like none of us were in a cheery mood tonight.

"I guess you're right." I put my arms around him then, still smiling. "But I don't care. Life can be a bitch as much as it wants to, but right now I still feel... good."

"Wanna know a pretty strange thing? Me too." Peter smiled at me, still stroking my hair. I knew that I made him happy. And no matter how crazy it might sound, no matter how many people might think that I'd lost it for good now, I knew that he made me happy as well. It was crazy. It was nothing but crazy, totally insane even.

I was falling for Peter Hale. And deep down inside I knew that I just wasn't falling for him. I was falling head over heels for him. I was falling in love with him.

I was starting to love this man. I had no idea when love and hate had collided within me. And now I was just too confused to even understand my own feelings. But I was falling in love with him, there was no denying of that. Even though there were things about him I hated, there were just as much things about him I loved.

We kissed each other. Even though we've kissed quite a lot these past few days, I still couldn't get used to the feeling of it. It was still overwhelming and him kissing me took my breath away every single time. No matter what might happen next, just to feel him kissing me it would be worth it. Anything that might happen.

Though, I surely wouldn't have thought so if I knew what was going to happen next.


	15. Chapter 15: Beginning of the End

**CHAPTER fifteen  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

"Lydia... Can we talk?"

I looked up, surprised. Allison hadn't talked at all these past few weeks. She tried to talk to me a few times but I'd always pushed her away. I know I wasn't fair. Even though she'd been a bitch of a best friend to me didn't mean I had to act like one now, too. But I couldn't be with her and act like nothing had happened at all. And I wasn't just talking about what Allison had done to me. I couldn't tell her what was going on in my life right now. Allison would never understand.

But I couldn't bring myself to push her away now. Not immediately at least. I couldn't be that mean to her.

"What's up?" I tried to smile even though I knew that it was all forced. But I sensed the relieve in Allison. She'd been scared I would send her away at once and suddenly I felt guilty for treating her the way I had these past few weeks.

Allison sat down beside me on the table. It was lunch time but I didn't really feel hungry at all. All that I had done was shove my fries from one corner into the next on my plate.

"How are you?" she asked me. "Good," I replied and I meant it. "Quite good, actually." She must've thought I wasn't telling her the truth. I could see it in her brown eyes. Her eyes looked like chocolate.

"And how are you dealing with... Jackson being back?" she asked me cautiously. I swallowed. I didn't want to talk about Jackson. Even though we weren't sworn enemies now or something like that, I still tried to avoid him as much as I could. Sometimes he would approach me, try to talk to me. But he must have sensed that I didn't want to be friends. Or more for that matter. But that wasn't just because of what Jackson had done, of course. It was because of Peter. I couldn't tell him that, though.

"It was... quite surprising that he's back. But I'm over it. We've talked and... things are settled. Just because we haven't gotten back together doesn't mean I'm still upset or heartbroken."

Allison just nodded and I noticed her looking at something in the distance. I followed her glance and it really didn't surprise me to see that Allison was watching Scott.

"Why aren't you guys back together, though? Even blind people could see that you still love each other."

"Uhm..." Allison looked up at me, surprised. "I just... Well, I've broken up with him after I'd lost it. Remember how I'd been just a few months ago? I was a mess. I tried to kill all of his friends. I think... I think I would've even hurt Scott or done much worse to him if I would have had the chance. I ended things because of that. I can't just ask him to take me back, can I? Not after everything that'd happened. Things are just too complicated. And him and me... We can't be together."

I regarded Allison for a moment in silence. Her situation with Scott was a bit similar to mine with Peter. Well, neither Allison nor Scott was a psychopathic and slightly insane murderer, but they couldn't be together. And that was something I worried almost every night I laid awake in bed about. That something would happen that would separate Peter and me from each other. Something that'd destroy everything we had.

And it seemed like that it had already happened to Allison and Scott. Something had happened and they didn't manage to start fresh, to give their love a chance. But that was a mistake. I thought that there was nothing stronger and truer than love. Maybe I'd watched way too many romantic movies, but I was sure of that. Love was important.

"Well, it's true. You've tried to kill several of his friends and you were being quite the bitch. But you were hurt Allison, you'd been devastated after the death of your mom. And that's understandable. Who wouldn't lose it at some point if they had to go through what you've gone through? But that doesn't mean that you can't be with Scott anymore."

"But I'm a hunter. I mean, I will be a hunter. It's my destiny. And he's... well, you know."

"But he isn't dangerous. I mean, just look at him." We both looked at Scott now, examining him. "Does he look dangerous to you at all? He's just a sweet puppy and he could never hurt anybody. And I know he isn't that bad at kissing."

Allison looked up at me, surprised. "When did you and Scott...-?"

"Never mind. It happened an entire lifetime ago. But the thing is, Scott and you – you two belong together. Have you noticed the way he always looks at you in class? He still loves you, Allison. He's crazy about you."

"Why haven't he told me, then?"

"Would you have the guts to walk over to the person who'd broken up with you and tell them you're still in love with them?" I asked her simply. Allison seemed to think about that for a moment before nodding. "Well, I guess you're right about that."

"Of course I am. You should talk to him, Allison. I'm sure you two could get things to work again."

Allison looked at me and her smile had become a little more hopeful. "Thanks, Lydia. I think... I might talk to him. And... what I also wanted to say is that I'm sorry. I really am. I should have told you everything but I hadn't. It was stupid of me and...-"

"It's okay," I just said because I didn't want her to punish herself even more. Right now _I _was the one who was keeping something from her and I couldn't tell her the truth. Not right now at least.

"You think we can be friends again?"

That question surprised me, though. I wasn't sure if we could be friends again. Not because I didn't want to but because I knew she would probably be disgusted in me when she found out about Peter and me. But still I said, "Yes, sure. Of course we can. I mean... only if you work things out between yourself and Scott. I don't wanna see you all sad and lonely anymore. You have to talk to him first and then I'll be your best friend again."

Allison laughed. "Okay, I promise. I'll talk to him as soon as I can."

We smiled at each other and for just one moment I thought that maybe we could still be friends. Maybe we could even be friends if she learned about Peter and me someday. Maybe it was even foolish just to hope as much but I didn't want to think that I might lose everyone else I cared about just because I was with Peter. He'd grown to mean so much to me. But would I have to give up the last bit that was still left of my so-called normal life to be with him?

~*~

It was freezing outside. Even in California it could get quite cold at night.

I still stood in front of my house, though, waiting for Peter. He'd said last night that he would come to our house at 9 PM and I should wait for him on the street.

And there he was, punctual as always. "Hey." I looked up at him, smiling. Peter pulled me in a sweet embrace, kissing my forehead. "I missed you," I whispered and I felt him smiling. "I've missed you, too." Peter pulled away from me, still smiling. And how much I'd missed him. Although we saw each other almost every night I still missed him during the hours of day.

"Come on, let's get going," he said and took my hand. "Where are we going?" "What d'you think?" I looked up at him, smiling. Of course I knew where we were going. We were going to the one place we went to most of the time when we went into the woods together. The meadow. In my thoughts I secretly called it our special place. Sounded silly, didn't it? Though I thought it sounded romantic. I never told Peter since I suspected he'd only laugh about it. I still wasn't quite sure how romantic he was. He was quite sweet, on one hand, but on the other hand he'd done bad things. It still felt strange how gentle he always treated me, like I was the most delicate and fragile thing in the world, like he was afraid to break me. And maybe he even was.

We'd walked hand in hand through the forest, most of the time in silence. But with Peter it was always a comforting silence. It was nice just being with him. We didn't have to talk all the time.

When we got to the meadow, it was even more freezing. I tried to push back a shiver but couldn't. Peter sensed it at once and without even having to ask he got out of his leather jacket and draw it over my shoulders. "I don't want you to get cold."

"I've already told you I don't get cold that easily."

"It's kinda strange, isn't it? I think it's never this cold in Beacon Hills."

Peter just nodded, looking around himself. "That's the second jacket of mine you've got now."

I laughed, remembering his other jacket which still was in my closet in my room. "Indeed it is. You never wanted it back, though, so I just kept it."

"You can admit that you wanted a part of me with you. It's nothing to be ashamed of." He smiled at me mockingly before wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Maybe I just forgot to give it back to you." Though he was somehow right. I hadn't really wanted to give the jacket back to him.

"But if you keep giving me all of your jackets you soon won't have any more of them." "Oh, that's not a problem. I think the entire collection of my nephew's clothes consists of leather jackets. He'll just borrow me one."

I laughed again before wrapping my arms around his neck. "Well, then, would you kiss me now or what?"

He looked into my eyes for a very long moment and I felt like I'd sunk into the deep blue of his eyes. And then he kissed me. It was a sweet and tender kiss. I stroked through his dark hair, snuggled even closer to him. I wanted to feel him. I never wanted this moment to end. Ever. Every time we were together, I felt like it could maybe be the very last time.

I had no idea why I thought that.

It was still that feeling deep inside of me which I just couldn't shake off.

That feeling that something was going to change. I was scared and yet I tried to not let it show. I had no idea where this feeling was coming from. Maybe I was just imagining things. But still... Something would happen. I just felt it. The feeling wouldn't go away, no matter how hard I tried to ignore it. And sometimes I would manage to push it away far enough so I wouldn't think about it for a few hours. But then it would come back rushing into me, leaving me scared and confused all the same.

I tried not to think about it now. I wanted to feel Peter's kiss. I didn't want to ruin this wonderful, perfect moment with thoughts like that.

When we pulled away from each other, but still held each other closely, I just looked up at him, smiling and beaming. He made me so happy. I still couldn't process it, really. I still couldn't believe that of all people, Peter Hale was the one to make me this happy.

And I knew that I made him very happy as well. Sometimes he didn't even seem as dark and moody when we were together. He showed me sides of himself which he'd hidden for a very long time.

"Lydia, I think that I...-"

But I'd never know what the thought. Because in that moment we both heard steps. Someone was coming for us, coming to the meadow.

We both turned, looking in the same direction from which we'd heard the steps. And there she was. She stepped out of the shadows, holding a bow in one hand. Allison.

I couldn't believe it. For a moment I thought I'd just imagined her, but when I looked at her again, I knew that I hadn't. She was really there. Allison. My best friend. And the look on her face told me how angry, how upset she was.

"Allison..."

"Get away from him, Lydia." She held up her bow, concentrating it right on Peter.

"No, don't!"

I didn't know what had gotten into me, but I tried to move in front of Peter. But he wouldn't let me. He grabbed my arm, surprisingly hard, and pushed me out of the way.

"I was wondering when you would show yourself, Allison. Half the way I thought you'd lost us. Or that you'd have go back to get help. You should have, though."

I didn't understand anything of what he said.

Allison just looked at him, getting angrier with every second. "You're manipulating her again, aren't you? What are you doing to Lydia? What do you want?" Her voice was steady, though very loud. It echoed through the meadow.

"I am not manipulating her into anything. Though I suppose I don't have to try and explain it to you. You wouldn't believe me anyway – or her, for that matter, since you think I would have manipulated her into saying anything I want."

"I will kill you!" Allison suddenly screamed. "I'll kill you for what you've done to her! To all of us!"

He still smiled. "You know, I'd hoped you would follow us. When I've sensed that you were at Lydia's house, I had thought about leading you here. I'd smelled you even from miles away. No one will come and help you now. It's just you and me. Seems like your poor daddy will lose another beloved one."

And then I understood. Allison being here didn't come as a surprise to Peter at all. He'd sensed her presence right from the start when he'd come to my house. Allison obviously had wanted to pay me a visit but before she'd approached me, Peter had come. And of course she'd been worried when she'd realized that I was with Peter. She'd even seen us kissing. Of course she would think that he was forcing me to do something I didn't want to do.

But Peter hadn't told me. He had wanted Allison to follow us. He had planned the whole thing.

He had counted on Allison wanting to help me. He'd hoped that he could harm her when she was all alone, with no help at all. And Allison hadn't go back to get help. She'd looked for us in the woods and now she'd finally found Peter and me.

I knew what he wanted to do, I realized now with horror.

He wanted to kill Allison.


	16. Chapter 16: Dead And Gone

**CHAPTER sixteen  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

"NO! Peter don't! Please don't do this!"

I screamed his name, over and over again. But it was like he couldn't hear me. He was completely concentrated on Allison.

"Allison! Just run away! Please just get away!"

What should I do? I was so scared, so terrified. I had always thought that I wouldn't be involved in situations like this. I had thought that Peter wouldn't hurt the ones I cared about. But now I realized how stupid, how a fool I'd been to believe that even for one second. Peter might not hurt me. But he'd definitely hurt the ones I cared about. I knew how much he hated the Argents. He'd wanted to avenge his families' death. How could I have thought that he was done once he'd killed Kate?

But never would I have thought that he'd use me like this. He'd used Allison's concern for me. He'd gotten exactly what he wanted. Allison had been so worried about me when she saw me with Peter that she had just followed us. And now she was trapped. There was no chance of her getting out of here alive, I just knew it. And yet I had to do something. I had to protect my best friend.

He had known that things may turn out this way. And now he took his chance at killing Allison. Killing one of the Argents he despised so much.

"Peter! Please don't hurt her!"

I couldn't believe that he'd do this to me. I couldn't believe that he would kill her right before my eyes. Hadn't he said that he would never hurt me again? Didn't he realize that he would smash my heart into millions of pieces by killing my best friend?

But no matter how loudly I shouted for him, he still didn't listen.

"Allison! Get away from him!"

"Shut up Lydia!" Allison shouted. She concentrated on Peter who was walking slowly towards her. Allison had already shot a few arrows at him but he always managed to dodge them. Claws had extended from his hands.

"There is something I didn't tell you though Lydia," Peter said suddenly. I'd thought that he had shut out everything around him but it seemed like he didn't. Even Allison was shocked for a moment, frozen in the act of trying to shoot another arrow at him.

He looked at me for just a moment and what I saw then took my breath away. I stared at him in horror. His eyes were red. I still remembered these red terrifying eyes. I'd seen them so often in my dreams, in my hallucinations. They had scared me so much. And I still feared this Peter. He scared me to death. I wanted to scream when I saw his red eyes but I just couldn't. I was too stunned to do anything.

Peter was an Alpha again.

"Remember how we talked about me being an Alpha again? You have to believe that I didn't want to lie to you but I couldn't tell you the truth just then. I already am an Alpha again."

I couldn't believe it. How was that possible? He hadn't killed Derek, had he?

But I didn't even need to ask because Peter told me anyway. "I have killed one member of the Alpha Pack. Do you remember the day when you'd found me injured in the woods? Another one of the Alpha Pack almost tried to kill me for killing one of them. But he didn't kill me, fortunately. He realized that I could kill him as well since I'd been able to kill his friend. I am much more stronger now, of course. Now that I'm finally an Alpha again. They didn't want me in their pack, though. Which isn't that unfortunate. I can always just build up a new pack."

Peter smiled. And for the first time in weeks I saw that vicious, cruel and terrifying smile cross his face which I hated so much. I'd gotten too used to seeing him smile at me in that loving, caring and admiring way these past few weeks that I had let myself forget how bad, how insane he really was. How could I've been so stupid?

"I know that you think I've used you, Lydia. But I haven't. Of course I'd planned to become an Alpha again all along but that doesn't have anything to do with you. And I had no idea that Allison here would accompany us tonight. It was a lucky coincidence though, if I might say so. When I've realized that Allison was there and that she followed us to this place, I thought I could take my chances."

He turned away from me then, concentrating on Allison again.

"Don't Peter. Please don't do it!" I cried. I felt the desperation in my voice, washing through me. I knew I could never be fast enough to get help. There was no one who would see or even hear us here in the woods. But I needed to do something. I couldn't just stand here and watch him kill my best friend.

And then, without even thinking about it, I ran towards both of them. I got to a halt right in front of Peter, looking straight into his eyes. "Don't do this! It's not too late yet. You can just leave... Let's leave Peter, please! We'll lose everything if you do this. Allison had nothing to do with what happened to you and your family! She was still a child when it'd happened! She didn't kill them!"

Peter looked at me and for just a second I thought I saw the slightest hint of doubt in his blue eyes. But it was gone as fast as it had come. He shoved me out of the way, hard. "She's still one of them. Stay out of my way, Lydia!"

I stumbled back, hitting the ground hard. I was on the verge of tears. But I had to be strong now. I had to be as strong as I always wanted to be. As I always tried to be. I couldn't give up now or everything would be lost.

I watched Peter come closer towards Allison. She shot another arrow at him and even hit him with it. He groaned in pain but it was obvious that Allison's arrow hadn't done that much damage. He drew it out of his flesh and tossed it away before moving closer to her again. "You can't kill me. You aren't strong enough."

I sensed Allison's distress; even though she tried not to let it show, I could clearly see how scared she got. She hadn't expected having to fight against an Alpha.

She still didn't turn around and run, though. And I knew that she didn't because she knew that it would make things only worse. Peter would be fast enough to outrun her immediately.

I was so scared. So desperate. I needed to do something to help my friend. I couldn't just sit here and wait for Peter to kill her. But I knew talking to him wouldn't change a thing. He was too far gone already, he'd lost all sense of reason. All he wanted to do now was to take the revenge he'd planned on taking ever since he killed Laura to become an Alpha. I couldn't just talk him out of killing Allison.

But before I could even get up and run to my friend, he was already in front of her. Allison struggled to shot another arrow at him from this short distance, but he grabbed the bow away from her and tossed it against a tree with such force that it broke in two.

And now I could clearly see a flash of fear cross Allison's face. She seemed to realize now that this situation was hopeless. We'd reached a dead-end.

Before Peter could get hold of her, though, she kicked him with such force in the knee that he writhed for a moment. That moment was enough for Allison to run away. "Allison!" I cried for her, struggling to get to her. But like I'd already figured Peter was way too fast for both of us. He'd reached Allison in just a few moments again and grabbed her before she could get away from him.

I desperately searched for something I could use against Peter. Something that could help us get out of here. But there was nothing. I even searched the pockets of his jacket which I'd still on. And then, unbelievably, I felt his cell phone... I got it out immediately and searched through the cell's phone book for someone I could call who could help us.

Against every hope I had I even found the number I'd hoped to find.

_Derek_.

I dialed the number at once and it took a few seconds until I heard Derek Hale's voice. "Peter? What's up? Why are you calling me?"

I wanted to say something but all I could stumble was, "He's gonna kill Allison... We're... in the woods... He's gonna kill her!" I saw Peter turning around to me then and fury crossed his face and burned in his eyes. "I told you not to get in my way!" he whispered. And that was more terrifying than if he'd have shouted at me. It took him just a few paces to get to me. He grabbed the cell phone out of my hand and tossed it against a tree. It smashed into what looked like thousands of pieces. Peter looked at me and I saw so much hatred in his eyes that I was sure he'd kill me right there and then. There was no more compassion, no more love in this blue eyes which had fascinated me so much these past few weeks.

How could I've been so stupid to believe there was more to Peter Hale than this evil, insane monster? How could I've believed he felt something for me?

Because he did feel something for me. At least that last part of him that was still normal had. But the man, the monster standing in front of me now... It wasn't him. I didn't want to believe that it all had been just an act. It just couldn't be. It broke my heart already to just look at him now, seeing him like this. Knowing what he was about to do and not being able to stop him.

"Peter..." I tried again. I could not just let it happen. I reached for him, tried to touch his face. When I did he backed away from me at once. "I won't kill you. But I can make you shut up nonetheless. So stop trying to get in my way or I'll have to hurt you."

I just looked at him, terrified. "I hate you." My voice was barely a whisper. I was so afraid, so scared and still I couldn't quite believe what was happening here.

"I told you you would."

Even his voice wasn't more than just a whisper and for a moment I thought he might come back, that he might see that what he was doing was wrong. That he'd stop this madness for me. But he didn't. Just when he was about to turn around to face Allison again, she was trying to get away.

But like he'd did before he outran her easily. He grabbed her. Allison struggled with such force and all her strength against him but she couldn't make him loosen his grip on her. She tried to kick him, tried to scratch him. I knew that she was strong. Allison had trained hard these past few months. But she still was a hunter in training. She had not enough experience and strength to kill an Alpha all by herself or to even seriously hurt an Alpha.

"Enough with the playing around now. I'll have enough mercy to get it over with fast. You won't even feel a thing." Peter reached for Allison with outstretched claws. He closed his hand around her throat and I thought I could even _feel _him squeezing my best friend's throat.

Allison choked. She was trying to say something but he squeezed so hard that she couldn't get a word out.

Tears stung my eyes. There was nothing I could do to help her. "No... Please..." I stepped closer to them even though I knew it wouldn't help her. I wasn't nearly strong enough to get Peter away from Allison. He'd kill me in the process as well. But maybe that would be better... Maybe I could distract him enough so Allison could get away. Even if he'd kill me that was the least I could do to try to save my best friend.

"Let her go! PETER! PLEASE! Don't do this! You don't really want to do this! Please... Stop it! For me!"

I ran to him, grabbing his arm so he would notice me. I didn't even try to pull him away from Allison because I knew I couldn't possibly succeed. But he got distracted for a moment. I felt his grip on Allison loosen. He looked at me and for just a moment I thought I saw something change in his eyes. I thought I saw him hesitate, thinking about what he was doing. Maybe he would stop. Maybe he would stop this madness before Allison got seriously hurt. Maybe things would be okay after all. Maybe he wouldn't kill her – for me... Maybe the love he felt for me would make him see reason...

But then I saw a flesh of silver. Allison had been able to release her arms enough to grab for something in her right boot. With horror I realized what it was. A silver knife.

And before I could even scream she'd driven the knife into his chest.

"NO!" I screamed in utter horror. "Peter..." I felt him crumpling just a little before he got a hold of himself again. He clenched his teeth, obviously trying to fight a cry of pain. Allison and I stared at him in shock. Had Allison possibly injured him enough for her to get away?

"Allison! Run!"

"Come with me...," she was starting to say but that moment, the slightest moment of hesitation on her part was enough for Peter to grab the hilt of the knife and drag it out of his chest. I saw the fury all over his face. There was nothing human left in him. He truly looked like a monster now, with red eyes and outstretched claws. And I knew that I'd lost him for good now. It was too late. What Allison had done had pushed him over the edge. I couldn't try to hold him back now. He didn't even look at me. It was like I didn't exist anymore.

He shoved me from him like I was just some annoying fly, like he didn't even need strength to push me away at all. I fell to the ground again. I couldn't even struggle to get to my feet fast enough. Peter had already grabbed Allison again. She stared at him in shock. Allison was so brave. She'd tried to be brave the whole time but now I could see the fear in her eyes.

Tears were running down my faces without me even realizing it. I asked myself for just a second if Allison had already talked to Scott. He'd never know that she had still loved him. And even if she had already talked to him it would hurt him even more.

"You missed," Peter said and these two words contained all the hatred he felt for her and her family. He sounded vicious and cruel; mad, just really mad.

And in that moment I knew it was over. All hope was lost.


	17. Chapter 17: When All Hope Is Lost

**A/N: **I'm so glad I finally got another review for this story since it means quite a lot to me. Thank you!

* * *

**CHAPTER seventeen  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

And then he slashed Allison's throat in one single clean movement just like he'd done with her aunt. I watched it in horror. And even though I saw it happening I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. I couldn't believe that I was watching the man I'd fallen in love with murdering my best friend.

Peter let go of her and Allison fell to the ground. She lay there, still and unmoving. A big, nasty wound was on her throat. Blood streamed out of it. It didn't take too long until her whole chest was full of blood, her shirt soaking with it.

"No..." I murmured, still holding on to the last string of hope that maybe she hadn't died. Maybe she was just injured... Maybe she could get better if I would manage to get her to a hospital in time.

"Allison!" I got to my feet and I tumbled towards her. This time Peter didn't get in my way. I got to my knees beside Allison, stroking her dark hair which was also wet with blood. "No... Don't be dead... Please... Don't be dead... Allison, wake up! Come on! WAKE UP! YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP!"

I hadn't realized I started screaming. I cried out her name over and over again. Tears were streaming down my face and I was sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't process that my best friend was dead. I didn't want to believe it.

My crying grew even harder. I couldn't stop myself. It was my fault. All of this was my fault. I shouldn't have talked to Allison earlier. Maybe she wouldn't even have gotten the idea to come to my house if I'd just pushed her away like I'd always done these past few weeks.

I shouldn't have gotten together with Peter in the first place. That was the greatest mistake I'd made. I shouldn't have fallen for his lies. I shouldn't have fallen for him. And that was why Allison was dead now. It was my fault. The guilt and my grieve were overwhelming. It hurt so much.

"Lydia..." I flinched when I heard his voice. He grabbed my shoulders and tried to get me to my feet. But I struggled against him. I didn't want him to touch me. I didn't want anything to do with him ever again. "Please, Lydia! Talk to me... Let me explain..."

I looked into his eyes for just a moment. There was nothing red there anymore. His eyes almost looked like they'd looked before Allison had arrived. He almost looked at me like in that moment after we had kissed each other, after he'd been about to say something to me... And that was the most terrifying thing I could imagine. He'd just killed my best friend.

What did he think I'd do now? That I'd just get over it and act like nothing happened?

"There is nothing to explain! You killed her! YOU KILLED HER! I hate you, I hate you! Let go of me!" I still struggled against his grip. I knew that I couldn't have possibly released myself from his firm grip but he loosened it. I flinched away from him several steps, trying to make as much space between us as possible.

"I had to do it..."

"No! No you hadn't! Don't tell me you had no choice! I... I begged you... I hate you! I HATE YOU! You're a monster! Get away from me!"

He moved closer though and I only flinched away for him further. But before Peter could say anything at all I heard footsteps. Relieve washed over me. Good, finally – someone's coming. If we were fast enough we could get Allison to a hospital. Maybe it still wasn't too late. Maybe we could save her.

I saw Derek, Isaac, Scott, Jackson and Stiles running towards us. "Help!" I shouted. "Somebody! We've... we've got to get her to hospital!" I ran towards the still unmoving body of Allison again. Scott and Stiles stopped dead at the sight of her. Derek though moved faster as I'd ever seen him move to his uncle, on the verge of attacking him.

"What did you do?" His claws had already outstretched and his eyes were a burning red. He snarled at him.

Peter looked at his nephew. He didn't even flinch. "I killed her," he said simply and with a furious snarl Derek stepped up to him, almost attacking him. But then Peter's eyes turned red again and he himself was about to attack his nephew.

Startled and shocked, Derek backed a few steps away. "How...?"

"You wouldn't even want to know, nephew."

Isaac stood beside Derek now, ready to attack Peter together with his Alpha. Peter seemed so sense that he was outnumbered, even though he was stronger now that he was an Alpha. But he still seemed to know that it would be unwise to get into a fight with two, even three other werewolves.

He backed away towards the trees. I felt him looking at me again but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I hated myself so much for what I did. It was my fault. If I hadn't been this stupid Allison might be still alive.

And then he turned away, running into the woods. Derek seemed to be unsure whether to stay here or follow his uncle. But he got distracted when Scott cried out Allison's name.

Scott got on his knees beside Allison's lifeless body. "No! Allison! NO!" His cry for her was so painful. I cried even harder even though I fought so hard to keep my composure. But watching Scott holding Allison in his arms, hearing him cry out her name over and over again... It broke my heart which had already been smashed to pieces tonight.

"We've got to call an ambulance!" I screamed. We _had _to do something, hadn't we? "We need a cell phone... Call an ambulance! Come on! We can't just wait until she's dead!"

And then, all of a sudden I head something... Something I had thought I'd never heard again. Allison's voice. It was just a whisper. She sounded so weak, like it was the last breath of life coming out of her.

"Allison..." Scott looked at her and I saw relief rushing through him. But I knew that it wouldn't last. I had no idea why I knew for certain. But I just felt that this wasn't Allison escaping with her life. It was Allison breathing out her last breath. I'd thought she was already dead when I'd hold her just a few minutes ago.

Scott stroked Allison's hair which was even more wet with blood now. Her throat was so slashed that it took her a great deal of effort to even talk to Scott. "Allison. It'll be fine. You hear me? We'll call an ambulance..." But nobody did. Nobody called an ambulance because we all knew that it was too late. Scott didn't want to realize that just as I hadn't want to. "Come on now! Call an ambulance!" he shouted at us. "What the hell are you waiting for?"

"Scott..." Allison's voice distracted him again. It was barely a whisper anymore. It sounded stertorous and blood was streaming down the corners of her mouth. "I'm so sorry."

"Allison, don't be sorry. We can talk later. When you get better."

But she didn't respond to anything he said. "I was... such a... fool."

"Allison..." I could practically hear the panic, the desperation in his voice. Deep down inside Scott knew that Allison was trying to tell him goodbye. But he didn't want to accept it. He didn't want to say his goodbyes.

"I love you, Scott. Always have..."

And now it was Scott's voice that was barely more than a whisper. I didn't know if I'd imagined him saying, "I love you back" or not. But the next second Allison's eyes had closed.

"Allison... No NO! WAKE UP! Don't die! Please don't die! No... NO!"

All I heard were Scott's cries. I could feel his pain. It was like my own pain collided with his. And before I could even try to be strong, before I could even try to calm myself, I felt new tears streaming down my cheeks, panic and anger and sadness rushing through me all at once.

I gave a cry. I couldn't say anything. I didn't even want to think. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and be done with it. I wanted to die. I didn't want to feel anything at all. I just wanted it to be over. I didn't want to feel the pain, the guilt, the sadness. It was too much for me. It overwhelmed me.

I felt my knees going weak. But before I collapsed to the ground I felt someone holding me. I barely realized that it was Jackson holding me, almost raising me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck. I needed something to hold on to or otherwise I might fall into darkness, into nothingness. I didn't even realize that I'd whispered Allison's name over and over again.

Jackson held me close to him, never letting go of me. I cried. I just couldn't stop crying.

The rest of the night was a blur. I remembered an ambulance coming. I remembered Scott who didn't want to let go of Allison. The paramedics had to pull him away from Allison.

But I didn't remember what happened then. Eventually I must have passed out, overwhelmed with grief and exhaustion. Jackson never left me, though. He'd stayed with me the whole night so I wouldn't have to be alone.

But it didn't make me feel better. Not at all.

It was my fault. Allison was dead because of me.

I would never be happy again. Everything was destroyed. Dead.

A part of me had died with Allison.

I never even deserved to be happy again.


	18. Chapter 18: I Can't Help Myself I Fall

**A/N: **Thanks so much for your review, _dearlyfantastical5511_! That just made my day!**  
**

* * *

**CHAPTER eighteen  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

We had buried Allison today.

It's been a week since her death and even though I have seen her dead body, even though I had witnessed her funeral, I still couldn't believe that she was really gone. That I'd lost her forever. I didn't even get a chance to tell her goodbye. For the last few weeks before she'd died, I had practically ignored her. I hated myself so much for what I had done to her. I hated myself so much because it was my fault. Allison would never have died if it wasn't for me. I had done this to her. I had done this to Scott – who was a wreck ever since it'd happened – and to Chris Argent. Allison's dad had lost his sister, his wife, his father and now his daughter in a matter of just a few months. He'd lost everyone he cared about. Chris Argent didn't even try to hold his composure anymore. He didn't even try to be strong anymore. He was broken and you could see it just too well.

For the first few days after Allison's death I had been overwhelmed with grief. I had stayed in bed most of the day, unable to go to school. All I could think about was Allison and how it was my fault what had happened to her. I regretted so much that I hadn't told her how sorry I was for my behavior. But the worse part was that I hadn't even been sorry for how I had treated her at the time. It'd been too mad at her for thinking about the consequences my behavior could cause.

And now it was too late.

I would never, ever get another chance to tell Allison that she'd been a great best friend, no matter what might have gone wrong between the two of us. She still was the best friend I had ever had.

I'd been just too stupid, too foolish to think that Peter cared about me at all. To think that he would never do anything to hurt me, even though I'd known and even experienced first-hand how cruel and bad the things he did were. I had been his victim myself even. And even after all that had happened, I still fell for him. I hated myself so much for being this stupid. How could I have let this happen?

But there'd been someone who didn't want me to suffer alone. Jackson had been there for me even though I hadn't deserved it. He didn't want me to shut everyone out, to fall even deeper inside that black hole which consumed me ever since Allison had died.

Jackson wouldn't let me get out of control. He wouldn't let me alone even though I'd told him over and over again that I didn't want to see anyone that first day when he'd been with me.

And he didn't go away.

So the next day I had let him take care of me. I had left my room for the first time since Allison had died and I had talked to someone about it. Though I didn't tell him what role exactly I'd played in Allison's dead. I knew I have to tell him eventually but I just couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth then.

Of course it hadn't been long until Derek himself had asked me what had happened that night. When Isaac and Derek had come to my house and he'd started interrogating me about why I'd been with Peter when he killed Allison, Jackson had tried to make him leave. And he hadn't been very nice to him.

But I knew that I wouldn't have any other choice than to tell them the truth. I had to do it. Kicking it down the road over and over again wouldn't make it go away.

So I had told them.

I had told them everything. Derek had been more than surprised when he'd learned that his uncle and I had been together in secret. He'd thought that Peter had managed to use me again, that he'd manipulated me into luring Allison into the woods. He hadn't expected that Peter and I had been … well, together.

When I had told them about Peter and me, it had been almost unbearable for me to look at Jackson. I'd seen the hurt on his face even though he tried not to let it show. But I knew him too well. Knowing that I'd been with Peter, that I'd kissed him, hurt him. A lot.

And it was not just the pain and the hurt I had seen flashing across his face when I had told them the truth. I had also seen disappointment. And that was even harder than to know that I'd hurt Jackson. He was also disappointed in me for being with Peter. He maybe even hated me for it. Just like I hated myself for falling for Peter Hale.

Jackson probably even felt guilty for what had happened because I'd only started getting closer to Peter after Jackson had left me.

But nothing of what had happened was Jackson's fault. I had tried talking to him about it, even though I probably didn't want to talk about what had happened between Peter and me to Jackson as much as he didn't want to. He had just told me that he wasn't mad at me for being with Peter.

He was still there for me after he'd learned the truth. I didn't deserve this. But I never told him because I just didn't want to be alone. I also tried to not sleep at night. I tried to not fall asleep at all. I was too scared of what might happen when I fall asleep. I wasn't just afraid of nightmares. I was afraid that I might see Peter in my dreams. That he might visit me in my dreams and turn them into _real _nightmares again, just like he'd used to do.

But of course I had to sleep. No matter how hard I tried not to fall asleep, exhaustion won me over eventually. Though I never dreamed of Peter. Not even once.

Burying my best friend was the hardest thing I could imagine doing. Her funeral was a blur. I remembered the priest talking – he'd talked quite a lot actually but I just didn't have the nerve to listen. Even though I knew what he said would be kind and that it might help other people bear with their pain, it wouldn't help me. I had just stared at the grave. Even though I had not been able to stop crying right after Allison had died, I couldn't cry now. I might have felt like crying but the tears just wouldn't come.

After the funeral we left. Chris Argent stayed at his daughter's grave and even though Scott seemed like he wanted nothing more than to stay as well, he let Scott drag him away.

Jackson took me home. I didn't say a word while we drove to my house. I didn't even know what to say. What are you supposed to say or supposed to feel after you'd just attended your best friend's funeral? And what were you supposed to feel after the man you'd fallen in love with had murdered her?

My heart was a mess. I didn't want to feel anything ever again. All I wanted to feel was numbness. I wanted to shut out everything that was happening around me. I just... I wanted it all to go away. I wanted to distract myself but I had no idea how. I didn't know what could make the guilt go away, what could possibly make me feel better. There was hardly anything that could make it better, that could make the pain less... _painful_.

Jackson accompanied me to my room when we arrived at my house. I sat on the bed, taking a deep breath. "Jackson, I..." I didn't know how to say what I was about to tell him. He looked at me, both curious and worried. "What is it?" he asked me. Jackson didn't bother asking me if I was alright. Of course I wasn't. He knew that. None of us was alright. We were all hurting.

I looked at him, suddenly unsure if I should say any more. "I... I am so sorry for what I did. I know that I've hurt you."

Jackson knew where I wanted to go with that. He swallowed hard and looked away from me, just shaking his head. "No, Lydia. Don't. Don't say anything more, okay? Nothing of what's happened is your fault. You don't need to punish yourself like that."

"But it is, Jackson. It is my fault. If... If I would not have fallen for Peter and his lies, Allison might still be alive."

"He would have found another way to kill her." All of a sudden Jackson wasn't calm anymore. He almost sounded angry. "Just drop it Lydia."

"How am I supposed to just _drop it_? Can you even imagine what I am going through?"

"Can you imagine what _I _am going through?" Now he looked at me again and there was nothing but pain and disappointment in Jackson's eyes. Seeing him like this, letting his feelings show without even trying to hold up his guard, would have broken my heart all over again if it weren't already smashed into millions of pieces.

"Can you imagine how I feel like? I mean... It is my fault, isn't it? You would never have … You wouldn't have done what you did with him if I haven't left you! And you know what the worst part about all of this freaking mess is? I let him make my doubts about us being together even stronger! I had given in to my fear of hurting you. I was such a fool, Lydia. And now... I don't want to think about it. What you have _done _with him. It's disgusting."

That Jackson would call it that – _disgusting_ – was even more shocking than anything he could have said. Though I shouldn't be that surprised, should I? Of course Jackson would think that it was disgusting. I had let him touch me, let him kiss me... I was relieved that nothing more had happened between us. I would regret it even more now.

"I just don't wanna imagine what you might have done with him. And I certainly don't want you to tell me. I don't want to think about him just holding your hand. That thought sickens me, Lydia. So what is it you could possibly tell me to make me feel better about it?"

Tears stung in my eyes. But I tried so hard not to let them come. I didn't want to cry in front of Jackson after what he'd said.

"I just... I feel so guilty about all of it myself! But... You don't understand and you couldn't understand even if I tried explaining to you why I had let it happened. I just... I had no choice. I don't know why it happened. It just did. I just... At some point I didn't care anymore because it had felt... good."

Jackson frowned. He looked like he couldn't believe what I was saying. I couldn't believe it myself either. But it just was the truth. No matter how much I regretted what had happened between Peter and me, I couldn't deny what I'd felt for him. I wanted to but I wasn't able to.

"I see."

It was everything he said. I knew that he was confused. He couldn't handle these things – and I clearly could not blame him for that since I myself wasn't able to handle what had happened. But what he'd said still hurt. A lot. I knew that it was the way he felt and it was understandable. I didn't want him to think that it was his fault – like he didn't want me to think what happened had been my fault.

"Jackson I'm... I'm so sorry. I didn't want any of this to happen! I have no idea what had gotten into me. I was a mess after you left. Though I wouldn't let anyone see. He was just... I know it sounds strange and I know that you don't want to hear. But I just need you to listen anyway. He'd been the only one there for me. I had felt lonely. He'd been there. I was a fool to even believe him and his lies. You can't imagine how much I hate myself for it."

I looked at him again. I was forcing him to look me in the eyes. "But please don't hate me." I took his hands in mine. A look of surprise and confusion crossed over his face. "I don't want you to hate me."

"I don't hate you Lydia. How could I even hate you? If I hadn't left you, you would never have gotten involved with him. I just hate the thought that he was even near you. That he was near enough to touch you."

Jackson reached out for me, touching a loose strand of my hear. In that moment, though, it reminded me too much of how Peter had played with my hair. He'd done it most of the time. I'd asked him why he kept playing with my hair and he'd said that he thought it was incredibly and uniquely beautiful.

"Please. Don't." I whispered and even though I knew my rejection would hurt Jackson even more, I just had to do it. Jackson and I couldn't be get back together. It was impossible. For me, at least. It wasn't just because Jackson had left me. It wasn't because of what had happened between Peter and me also.

It was because I would never, ever let myself fall in love again. I would never open up my heart for someone. After what Peter had done to me, there was nothing left of my heart. And even Jackson would not be able to repair the damage.

I hated to admit it, but what had happened between Peter and me had been too strong, to intense. I hated him so much for what he'd done to me. For what he'd done to Allison. To my friends. To her family. I hated him.

And yet, I still knew that these feeling I'd had for him were passionate and strong. I didn't even know if I could ever feel this way again and actually I didn't want to.

"Lydia. I know that a lot has happened. But if we would just take some time... If we take things slowly... Maybe we could be together again."

I looked at him, not sure how to respond to that. "Just a moment ago you've said that you are disgusted by what I've done."

"No. I didn't mean it like that. Not exactly. I meant... well, I am disgusted by the thought that he'd touched you."

"He didn't force any of it on me. You know. I let him touch me."

I noticed him clench his fist. Swallowing hard, he tried to fight for his composure. "Why are you telling me that? I don't want to know any details."

"Because you have to know that. I know that you think that Peter had somehow manipulated me again. That he'd used me. Maybe he has used me but... but what happened between us... I'd wanted it, too. I'd let him get closer to me. And it doesn't matter how much I regret it. You still need to know because I don't want you to believe something that didn't happen like this. And... we can't be together again. Too much has happened. I can't be with... anyone."

I looked away from him. I didn't want to see the pain flashing over his face, burning in his eyes. It would just hurt too much.

Jackson was silent for a very long moment until he stood up. He leaned closer to me then, pressing his lips softly against my forehead. "I know, Lydia," he whispered when he'd let go of me. "I'm still here for you."

I looked up at him. He looked at me with a sad look on his face and before I even knew that to say, before I could even try to tell him how sorry I was, Jackson turned and left.

I took in a deep breath before collapsing onto my bed. When had I let things get so much out of control? How was it possible that just a week ago I'd felt something like _happiness _and now my life was even more a mess than it had been the months before?

Peter.

I was all because of him. I sighed again and even though I didn't want to, the exhaustion of the last week won over me and I feel asleep against my will.

I awoke many hours later when it was already dark outside. And even before I'd opened my eyes I knew that something was wrong. I knew that I wasn't alone in my room.

I sat up with a gasp, looking frantically around me.

And there he was, leaning against a wall. He looked at me and I thought my heart would stop beating.

"Hello, Lydia."

That was all he said. I was just too shocked to say anything or to scream. I just stared at him. I'd thought I would never see him again. I'd hoped I would never have to see him again.

But now he was back. Back in my room in the night like before he'd killed my best friend.

Peter.


	19. Chapter 19: Love's To Blame

**CHAPTER nineteen  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

"What are you doing here?"

I couldn't believe that he'd have the nerve to come back to me. Didn't he realize that I never wanted to see him again? That I didn't want to have to do anything with him?

Still I couldn't stop staring at him. He looked just like he so often did; wearing jeans, a dark shirt, leather jacket. A part of me wanted to flinch away from him, another part of me ached for him, though. I denied it, tried not to think about how my broken heart still couldn't give up on him when my mind already hated him for what he'd done.

"I need to talk to you." Peter took a step towards me. I got out of my bed and flinched away from him. My bed stood between us now. He moved closer to it, very cautiously though. He seemed to realize how afraid I was and he didn't want to scare me any more.

"I don't want to talk to you. What is there you could possibly tell me? Do you actually think that I could forgive you for what you've done? You have killed my best friend! You have murdered her right before my eyes!"

"I know. Lydia. But still... Please." He looked at me, begging. "Give me a chance to explain myself."

"There is no thing you could tell me that would make things better! You've used me! That is what you have wanted all along, isn't it? You've wanted to avenge your family for good and you thought that you could get closer to Allison by being with me. You've used me so you could eventually get your hands on her. Because that is what you wanted right from the start, isn't it? You've wanted to kill them all. You've wanted to murder the Argents just like they did with your family."

Peter just stared at me. For a long moment he was quiet. I asked myself if he was planning on how to kill me. Asking myself if my words had somehow angered him.

"Yes," he finally said, "I did want to avenge my family. I did want to make them suffer. But I would never have used you to get my revenge. It's true, like I'd already told you, that I had wanted to make the connection between us stronger again once I'd realized it was still there. There might have been some part of me that'd thought that I could take advantage of our connection – that it could maybe save me again if... well, if I was about to die. But there was also a part of me – and that one was a lot stronger and dominant – which had just wanted to be with _you_. I didn't use you, Lydia. What had happened with the Argent girl... It was a coincidence. When I had realized that she was following us, I hadn't been able to think straight. And then things had gotten out of hand... I'd lost control."

I stared at him, didn't even know what to say to that. If it was true what he said he might not have used me. But that didn't change anything. It didn't change that he'd broken my heart.

"Do you regret it? Killing Allison?"

He looked at me and I knew that he wouldn't lie to me. He couldn't lie about this.

"No. I know you'll hate me even more for saying this but it is the way it is. I don't regret killing her. She's an Argent. Her family destroyed my life. Killed my entire family. They're all the same."

Swallowing hard, I just looked at him, shaking my head. "You're wrong. Your obsession with getting revenge on them has mislead you. You've destroyed everything, Peter. Everything that had been between us – or what might have been. I feel so ashamed for even falling for you. You remember how you'd said you hoped I wouldn't regret it after the first time we had kissed? You know what? Now I regret it. I regret every kiss we had and I regret letting you near me in the first place. I hate myself so much for what I did. And I hate you even more."

He stared at me. I could see the hurt in his blue eyes. I knew that what I'd said hurt Peter but it didn't matter. It was good to cause him pain. It _felt _good. He deserved it. Peter deserved every little pain I could cause him. He'd hurt me so much. There were no words that could express how much this man had hurt me.

I'd thought that he would destroy every last bit of insanity that I'd had in me when he started haunting me. But what he'd done to me now didn't even come close to when he'd given me nightmares. Because now he hadn't just scared me, he hadn't just made me feel like I was about to lose my mind.

Peter had made me fall in love with him.

I didn't know how he'd managed it. He'd made me fall for him only to smash my heart to pieces. He'd made me watch when he'd murdered my best friend in the most cruel and brutal way I could imagine. Peter had now caused me nightmares which would never, ever go away.

"I know that you hate me," he said after he'd been silenced for a few moments. It was something I'd barely seen before. Peter Hale struggling to find the right words. "And I deserve it. I hadn't come here expecting you to forgive me. I know that what I've done is wrong in your opinion. But not in mine. You're not like me."

"And I'm pretty glad about that!" I hissed, glaring at him, trying to put all the hate and anger I felt for him in this one glare.

He didn't even flinch, though. "After all I've been through... It is the only thing I could hold on to. The last six years of my life had been like hell. I even admit it, Lydia – I might have gone mad. But I am not the only one who's done bad things."

"But you're the only one killing people without a reason!"

"Killing people without a reason? So what would you call what they've done to my family? They've just killed them! They've burned our house down! They'd even been too craven to put on a real fight! They'd just trapped us all in that burning house! My entire family had to die in those flames. They'd done nothing wrong! So, tell me, Lydia – why should their family deserve to live while mine didn't? Why did they have any reason to extinguish my family when you say that I had no reason to kill that girl?"

I stared at him, still shaking my head. I know why he hated them. I even understood why he'd wanted to get revenge for what they'd done. But what he had done was still wrong. Allison had nothing to do with all of this.

"Allison never killed anyone of your family! You know that. And how does killing her make you any better than they are?"

"I don't want to be better than anyone, Lydia. And that's what you've wanted from me all along, isn't it? You might not admit it but you wanted me to change for you, to become a better man. Whatever it is that makes a man better. But I already told you that you can't change me."

His words made me even angrier. "No, I never wanted you to change! I just thought that... that you wouldn't do anything to hurt me! But how will you ever get over what has happened when you and the Argents keep fighting against each other? There are barely any of both these families left! What you've done made it impossible, though. Allison's father hates you and what you are more than ever."

For a moment I thought there was a smile crossing his face but it was gone as fast as it had appeared. Maybe I'd just imagined it. "I never wanted to get over it. I never could have gotten over it," was all he said. He still looked at me.

I looked away. I didn't want him looking at me like that. "Whatever reason you had for killing my best friend and make me watch you turning into a cruel and evil monster, it doesn't change anything. You've hurt me more than I thought you ever could. After what you'd done to me before, I thought that it couldn't get any worse. I still somehow managed to forgive you, to even like you. It was so stupid of me to believe that there could be more to you than I'd thought. I hate you. I really do. I'd thought I hated people before but now I know what it even means to hate someone."

He stared at me. Peter had always been good at hiding what he really felt, what he really thought. He was better at that than me, even. But now he didn't even seem to try and hide the hurt in his eyes. I could see how disappointed he was.

But that wasn't my problem. He could have stopped these things from happening. He'd chosen to kill Allison. He'd chosen to show me exactly how much of a monster he was. How did he expect me to forgive what he'd done?

"I just hoped that you would understand why I'd done it. Even a little."

"No. There is nothing to understand Peter, because what you've done sickens me. How do you expect me to still be with you without being scared of you? After seeing what you've become in that night, I am sure of what a monster you are. I'd been sure of that before but you'd manipulated me into believing something else."

"I never manipulated you! These last few weeks, the time we'd spent together... It was real. And you know that. You know that just as much as I know it! Don't act like I've forced you into this. You wanted it yourself."

"I'd also wanted to believe that this could work. But I can't handle... you. I can't handle what you did. And that's the worst part of it all." I said simply.

Another moment of silence. Then he just nodded. There was no pain in his blue eyes anymore, not even anger or hatred. There was nothing at all. It seemed like he'd gone completely numb.

"I never meant to hurt you."

"But you did hurt me."

"I know. I don't regret what I've done. But I regret..." He didn't finish his sentence and I wondered if I should ask what he'd wanted to say. What did he regret?

Hurting me?

Losing me?

But it didn't matter. I didn't even want to know what it was he regretted. I never wanted to have anything to do with him again. I just wanted him to leave me alone.

"You have done nothing but hurt me. You've destroyed it. Everything. Whatever there was between us. It's gone. I don't feel it anymore."

He stared at me. "I don't believe you."

"You should because it's the truth. I don't feel anything for you. I'm not even sure I've felt that much in the first place. You're evil. You're just as psychotic and terrifying as I'd thought you were. I'd been stupid to believe otherwise. And what I should do now is call Derek. Or Chris. He can kill you, you know that, don't you? And he will. I don't think that there's any werewolf who's broken this code as often as you did."

I saw him back away just slightly. But he didn't seem to be sure if I was bluffing or not.

Truth be told, I wasn't even sure myself. I was thinking about calling Chris Argent. But I knew that Peter would be fleeing even before I'd get a chance to grab my cell phone. And I didn't know if I could call Chris. I didn't know if I could be the one leading Allison's father to Peter. He would kill him – he had to kill him. And I understood why Chris wanted to see him dead. But I didn't know if I could bear the thought of being responsible for his death somehow.

It was foolish but I just wanted him to be alive. At least I didn't want to be the one leading the people who wanted to kill him to him. All I wanted him to do was leave me alone for good.

"You're not serious. You won't do that."

"You have no idea what I will or won't do. All I want for you is to leave me alone. Just go away." I'd put as much force into my voice as I could manage, but yet I added weakly, "Just... _please_. Just go. Can't you see what you're doing to me? If it is true what you said, that you never wanted to hurt me... Than just do what I say. Go away. Leave Beacon Hills. I don't want to see you ever again."

Peter looked at me in silence. It felt like an eternity. I had no idea if just a few moments or even minutes had passed when he finally turned back to the window. I hadn't noticed that it was open until just now. It seemed like he'd come in here through the window.

"I will go," he said then. Before leaving he turned to look at me one more time. "You know... You might regret what happened between us. But I don't. And there is no one in this world I'd do anything for. No one but you. I will leave just as you've asked me to. I won't run away because I'm afraid. I will leave – because of you. For now at least. I can't promise you that you won't see me again."

He seemed to think about adding anything to that for a moment before saying, "Because I wouldn't want to promise to stay away from you forever. I..." He looked at me and just for the tiniest bit of a second I thought I saw something gleam in his blue eyes. Not pain. Not anger. Something warmer, something deeper. Something that reminded me of how things had been before he'd killed Allison.

"Don't say it. Just... don't say anything at all anymore. Just leave me alone. Please."

I almost begged him. I hadn't want to beg. But now I didn't have much strength left. I just wanted to be alone.

Peter swallowed hard but nodded.

"Goodbye Lydia."

And with that he jumped out of the window. I went to it right away, closing it. I couldn't help but look to the ground for a moment. It was too dark outside though so I couldn't see him. But for a moment I thought I'd seen the dark shape of a wolf vanishing between the trees.

I collapsed on my bed then, struggling the hold the tears in which wouldn't have come earlier when I'd buried my best friend.


	20. Chapter 20: We've Gotta Fight

**A/N: **Thank you so much for your nice reviews! I've gotta say I'm more than glad that I finally get more reviews for this story. So, I've decided to put chapter twenty online already. Currently I'm in the process of writing the last few chapters for this story which isn't easy at all since this one means so much to me and I felt like writing it broke not just Lydia's heart but my own as well. There are still a few chapters left though and I feel like this won't be the last time I've written about Lydia and Peter.

* * *

**CHAPTER twenty  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

_**8 months later**_

Eight months had passed since Allison had died. Not a day had gone by when I didn't think about her. I thought about her every day. I visited her grave as often as possible. I missed her so much.

I had changed after all that's happened. I didn't smile very often anymore. To be honest, I think I always had to force myself when I wanted to smile. I was just too sad, too broken deep inside to smile. And I didn't want anyone to see. I didn't want anyone noticing how much it still hurt.

I didn't even spend as much time with my other friends at school that often anymore. I'd never thought that this would happen, but even popularity didn't matter that much to me anymore. I guess these things happen when you've been through so much. These things just happen when you've watched your best friend getting killed. You realize how small you really are. How fast your life could be over. And you realize how many things didn't matter that much even though you'd thought they mattered more than anything before.

I spent a lot of time with Stiles, Jackson, Isaac and Scott now. It may sound strange and maybe it even was – but I felt like that they were the only ones who really understood how I felt. And of course they did because they were the only ones who knew what really had happened. They were the only ones who knew how Allison had really died. And they hurt just as much as I did.

But the one hurting the most was Scott. He'd never been the same ever since Allison died. A lot of times he seemed to shut himself out from all of us, from the whole world. I knew Allison wouldn't want Scott to be this sad, this broken. But no one of us could do anything about it. He needed more time to get over it.

If he'd ever get over it.

How should he? He'd watched the girl he loved more than anyone else in the whole world die in his arms. Of course Scott wasn't the same anymore. None of us were.

It wasn't that easy. Getting over it. Going back to living your life. Living like a normal teenager. I didn't feel normal anymore. I hadn't felt normal in months.

And yet I tried to be as normal as I could be. I still was the top of my classes and at least that hadn't changed. Now it felt like the only string connecting me to my old life I'd still had. Everything else had changed.

I had changed.

I'd even tried to tutor Scott but it hadn't been that easy. It was hard for him to concentrate on school. It had already been hard for him before Allison had been killed but now... He was a mess. I know that Stiles especially was concerned for his best friend. I often caught him watching Scott with a thoughtful and worried look on his face.

Even Jackson had become something like their friend. I think the only good thing – if you could call it that way – about Allison's death was that it had welded us all closer together. Even without saying it we felt like a team. Like a pack. I had become a part of a pack at last.

I still thought about Peter. Though I tried to think as little about him as I could, he still crossed my mind from time to time. I wondered where he was, what he was up to. I knew I shouldn't even care. But I couldn't deny that I did care. Even after all that has happened I couldn't forget the time we'd spend together. Sometimes I wished I could erase it from my memory. Or that it'd never have happened. Maybe Allison would still be alive then.

Tonight was a Dance at school. I'd been in the committee planning the ball and everyone at Beacon Hills High was looking forward to it. I was a bit excited myself, even though not as much as the old Lydia – the person I'd used to be before my life had become a tragedy – would've been excited about it.

I still went, of course. Like I already said, I tried to live my life as normal as possible and attending a prom was a part of that.

And a part of me hoped that it would turn out to be fun. That I could get my mind off of the things that still tormented me even after months had passed. Allison would have wanted me to have fun. She'd wanted all of us to have fun.

It hadn't been easy deciding if I should go alone to the ball or if I should go with one of the boys. Though I didn't have to think about it for much long. Isaac had asked me if I wanted to go with him.

Isaac, of all people.

I'd expected Stiles to ask me but he'd asked another girl. I think he was over the crush he'd had on me since third grace. And I was glad about that because I knew that I'd never be able to give Stiles what he wanted. I would never be able to love him. It wasn't because of him.

Remember what I'd said after Jackson had left me? That I'd never fall in love again?

I clearly had failed in that department and it had left me heartbroken even more than before. Now I would never, ever fall in love again. Definitely.

The girl which Stiles had asked out had refused, though. I felt sorry for him.

Isaac had said we could go just as friends and even though I would have refused his offer just a few months ago, I now said yes. Jackson didn't seem to mind. I still wasn't sure how he felt about me. Sometimes it was like we were just friends but then he treated me with such care and caution that I wasn't sure anymore if we really were just friends.

I mean, I didn't want to be more than friends. I couldn't.

Like I said, I wouldn't fall for anyone again. Not even Jackson. Too much had happened. My heart was still a mess. It was still broken and I didn't think it could ever be repaired. Not yet at least.

I didn't want Jackson to suffer, though. When he didn't seem upset about that I was going to go to the ball with Isaac it did calm me more than I'd thought. Isaac was nice, though. He was a good friend and not as creepy as I'd thought him to be only a few months ago.

As I prepared myself for the night, I couldn't help but think back to the last ball I'd attended. I didn't have that many good memories of this particular ball, of course. It was the night I'd first met Peter, when I'd seen the monster he was. It had been the beginning of my end.

I took a deep breath, trying to push these thoughts away. It would be a great night. I didn't want to think about anything supernatural – just for one night at least.

I wore a blue dress. My strawberry red hair hung lose around my shoulders. I'd just put my shoes on when I heard the doorbell downstairs. I hurried to open the door. I'd wanted Isaac and me to meet there but he'd insisted to pick me up at home. He'd said that he wanted to do this properly or not at all.

When I opened the door Isaac looked at me and a smile appeared on his face. "Wow. You look beautiful. Really. You look... amazing."

I looked up at him, surprised but smiling. Isaac was genuinely sweet. I didn't think he had any ulterior motives when he'd asked me out to the Dance. He was just being nice to me. Isaac was a real friend. It seemed strange that I'd found a friend in him – we'd never talked much. But Allison's death had changed a lot of things, like I'd already said.

"Thanks," I replied, still smiling. "You look nice yourself. Has Derek gotten you this suit?" I couldn't help but joke. Isaac still lived with Derek. I thought these two were quite a funny living community. I didn't think that it was much fun living together with Derek. Though Isaac never seemed to want to complain. He regarded Derek with much respect and even more than that. I think Derek was his friend.

I've never spend that much time with Derek. Though I've seen him a lot more often since... well, since everything that's happened. But he still freaked me out a little. I knew he wasn't like his uncle, though. Derek was good. He wasn't angry with me when I'd told him about what had happened between Peter and me. He didn't even say something like that I'd been stupid and foolish. He didn't seem to think that I was those things either.

These past few months I'd often tried comparing Derek to his uncle. But it just wasn't possible. I knew that both of them had seen very bad things, they'd had to bear a lot worse than most people. But they both had dealt with the consequences of what had happened differently. And even though Derek might not be the nice boy next door, he still was genuine and good.

Peter, on the other hand... He'd just gone over the edge long before I'd gotten to know him.

"No, he hasn't" Isaac replied with a deep breath, grinning though. I liked Isaac's smile quite a lot. Most of the time he smiled at me like he was always happy to see me. Like his world had just gotten a lot better just because he saw me.

He truly was a friend. And he truly did care about me. And that was what I liked most about Isaac. He'd never pushed me to tell him about what I thought or felt. But he always seemed to know when I needed someone. It was like he could sense it. He was there for me when I didn't want to be alone but didn't want to talk about anything either.

Something Jackson or Stiles haven't been able to do. I knew that especially Jackson had wanted to know how I could've fallen for someone like Peter Hale. Even though he'd tried not to push me, he just couldn't let it go either. But the thing is, I just couldn't explain. I couldn't explain how I'd developed feelings for someone like him. It'd just happened.

And maybe Isaac understood how I felt because he still had mixed emotions about his father. He hated him for what he'd done to him and at the same time he couldn't just entirely hate him. Isaac barely spoke about his father though, just like I barely spoke about Peter.

I think it was our loneliness that had brought us together. We didn't feel as lonely anymore because it was like, well – we could be lonely together. After all, that was better than really being alone.

"But I'm glad you like it," he added now before stretching out his hand. "Can we go now?"

"Sure." I took his hand without even thinking about it for a moment. It just was this way with Isaac; I didn't feel uncomfortable about holding his hand or just being with him. There was nothing romantic between him and me. We were just friends. And that was what I liked most about spending time with me. He didn't have these expectations that boys like Jackson or Stiles had. He just spend time with me because he wanted to be my friend, not because he wanted to be with me.

"I have to admit that that's the first Dance I've ever been to."

I looked at Isaac, surprised. "Really?"

"Yep. Haven't been to the last few Dances, to be honest. I... well... there never was a girl worth asking out. I mean, I'd always wanted to go out with Lydia Martin. Though until a few months ago you didn't even notice my existence."

I just laughed. "That isn't fair. Now you get to go to a ball with me, don't you? And we're friends."

"Yes. We're friends. And I'm glad about that." Isaac still smiled. When we got to his car, I stared at it in both amazement and shock. "That's Derek's car, isn't it?"

"Indeed. I hope he won't notice that it's gone or I'll probably be in big trouble..."

I looked at him again, astonished. "What? You've just taken his car? Are you out of your mind? I don't want him to be angry. I mean, it always seems like the only thing he really loves is his car. He doesn't even have a TV..."

Isaac laughed. "I was just joking, Lydia. Of course I'd asked Derek first and he said it was okay. I wouldn't rist bringing the wrath of the Alpha upon me, would I? Come on now, get in."

He didn't even pause to hold the door open for me. That was one thing I liked about Isaac as well: he didn't treat me like I was a weak girl, needing all the protection she could. We were equals. And he thought that I was quite capable of taking care of myself.

When we arrived at the parking lot to the gym a bit later, it was already crowded with cars. Isaac managed to find a good parking spot for Derek's car though.

The inside of the gym didn't look that different from the last ball that had taken place here. A band was playing and a lot of couples were already on the dance floor, dancing. When they saw us, Stiles and Scott came to us immediately.

"You look great, Lydia." I smiled, nodding at Stiles. "Thanks." I couldn't help but notice that Scott seemed much more sadder and disturbed than usual. I knew what he was thinking about. The same thing I'd tried to ignore for days now. He was thinking about the last Dance. It hadn't been just when Peter had attacked me. Scott had told Allison that he loved her for the first time that night. I could barely imagine how painful it must be for him to be here. Probably everything reminded him of her. Scott still had wanted to go, though.

I thought about how Allison had once said that she was a strong enough girl to go alone to the prom. If Isaac hadn't asked me to go with him, I probably would have gone alone too. These past few months I had taken some lessons in archery with Chris Argent. It'd been his idea to teach me, actually. He'd insisted that I should be trained so I could defend myself if I ever got into trouble again. And even though I was admittedly better than most people at everything, I wasn't nearly as good as Allison in archery. I wasn't sure if I could cause any serious damage with a bow.

"Where's Jackson?" I asked the boys then.

"Don't know." Stiles said, shrugging. "I think he must be here somewhere."

I just nodded. Even though Jackson had spent a lot of time with all of us these past few months, it still didn't surprise me that he wasn't with us now. He still was Jackson Whittemore, the most skilled and popular boy at Beacon Hills High. And he still loved it.

I should be with him. If things hadn't turned into some chaos, I surely would have been with him tonight and not with Isaac, eagerly awaiting to become Prom Queen. But things had changed, like I'd said before.

Everything had changed.

"So, would you like to dance maybe?" Isaac turned to me, awkwardly looking at me. Oh. I hadn't thought about dancing with him. But wasn't that what you came to a Dance for?

"Sure, why not..." But even before Isaac and I could move towards the dance floor, someone came running towards us. He pushed people aside just to get closer to us. And the expression he wore made me shiver... I've never seen him look so afraid.

It was Derek.

And just from the expression on his face I knew that something was wrong. Very, very wrong.

We didn't even need to ask him what was going on because he started talking right in the moment when he'd gotten to us. Suddenly even Jackson was with us. I hadn't even seem him approach. I knew that Jackson and Derek weren't exactly friends and that Jackson would never let Derek tell him what to do.

But that he was here now, on his own accord... Clearly something was wrong. Jackson had seen it on Derek's face just as we had.

"The Alpha Pack." was all he said. "They're here. In Beacon Hills. They're coming. Not just for me, but for all of us." He looked at Isaac, at Scott, at Jackson. Even at Stiles and me. "We've to fight."


	21. Chapter 21: No Easy Way Out

**CHAPTER twenty-one  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

_Where do I run now?  
There's no easy way out_

* * *

"You've got to go, Lydia!"

I have followed them outside. Derek was ready to fight and I felt that the others were, too. It was so terrifying. I just couldn't process that it really happened. These past few months we'd always been on the lookout for the wolves of the Alpha Pack. There were five of them but they were still so much stronger than Derek and the others since Jackson and Scott weren't a part of his pack.

I was terrified. I knew that I couldn't help them. But still... What was going to happen now? Scott wanted to ask Chris for help. And even though Derek didn't seem to want to admit it, he seemed to knew that it was their only chance of getting out of this mess alive when they asked the hunters for help. After all, the hunters wouldn't want the Alpha Pack in town as well.

Before I could do or say anything though, Isaac had turned to me and grabbed my shoulders, looking right into my eyes. "You have to get away from here. _Now_. I don't want you to get hurt."

"But... I..." I looked around, almost frantically. I didn't want to be left on my own. I was so afraid for all of them. It was almost strange. Just a few months ago I haven't even cared about any of them, let alone knew they even existed. But they've become my friends these past few months. It was like I had a pack of my own now. It just was slightly different from other werewolf packs. All I knew was that I couldn't bear to lose anyone of them. Not even grumpy, still slightly terrifying Derek.

"I don't want to leave you alone!" I said fiercely. "I want to help! You can't expect me to just go home and wait for you to come back and tell me if... if you've made it out alive!"

Isaac took a deep breath before cupping my face in his hands. I looked at him, surprised. I hadn't expected him to touch me this way. But it felt good, comforting. He tried to calm me down. "Now, listen to me. You couldn't help us even if you tried. You might have quite a lot of talents and you're probably smarter than all of us together. But you can't fight. It'll be better for you – and for me – when you're safe. At home. So please do this for me. Just go home and let us do the fighting."

I just sighed. I knew that he was right even though I hated admitting it. "And what about him?"

I nodded to Stiles, who was with Scott and Derek, talking in low voices about what they should do now. While looking at Stiles I also noticed Jackson looking at me and Isaac. He held my gaze for just a moment, before smiling encouragingly.

"Well," Isaac was saying now, "He's just Stiles. I mean... we couldn't keep him away from trouble even if we tried really hard, could we?" He smiled and I couldn't help but smile a little too. "I guess you're right. But still... be careful. All of you. Promise me."

He looked right into my eyes for a long moment before letting go of me. "Of course. We always are."

"I just... I don't want to lose another friend Isaac."

"I know. You won't."

His words were so sincere, so full of hope that I couldn't doubt them even though I knew that Isaac could not possibly promise me that all of them would get out of this alive. But still his words gave me hope and strength.

"So, you should use the car..." He gave me the keys and shoved me to the car before I could start to protest again.

A few moments later I was driving on the street, heading home. I still was concerned and worried about the others. I just couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong. Something wasn't right about this whole thing but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Maybe I was just paranoid. Maybe I was just too afraid to lose someone I cared about again. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to imagine Isaac or Jackson lying there, lifeless, dead...

Suddenly _something _crashed against the car. I screamed. The impact was so strong that the car slid off the street. I tried to get it under my control again but I couldn't do anything to make it stop. Eventually it crashed against a tree and I hit my head pretty hard against the steering wheel. But I wasn't hurt. Or I thought so at least.

What was that?

I had a very bad feeling when I got out of the car, taking the crossbow with me I'd had on the driver's seat. Maybe I hadn't been that wrong after all about that something just wasn't right.

"Who's there?" I tried to sound as fierce and brave as I could even though I felt like my voice was nothing more than a scared squeak.

I was looking around myself before I saw someone. A tall man stood only a few meters away from me. He had his claws outstretched... And even though I'd guessed that it must have been a werewolf who'd hit the car, I still was terrified at the sight of him. I'd never fought a werewolf, not to mention an Alpha.

I didn't know what he could possibly want from _me_. I had nothing to do with all of this. I thought the alphas would be together now, preparing to fight Derek and the others. But this one seemed to had followed me. He'd attacked me. But why?

"What do you want?" I asked and I tried to sound as brave as I managed to. Without hesitating I hold the crossbow up. I wasn't as good as Allison with it, though. I might be pretty good at almost everything but I wasn't that skilled in using the crossbow than she'd been. To be honest, I wasn't skilled at all. Chris Argent still had insisted that I learned how to use it. He'd wanted me to be able to protect myself if I ever was in a situation like the one with Peter again.

He couldn't know, of course, that I'd been with Peter because I had wanted to.

But this was not the time nor the place to think about Peter. There was an Alpha right in front of me and he looked like he was about to kill me.

"You seem to mean a great deal to Hale's little pack. It's really nothing against you. We just want to hit them where it really hurts..."

"Well, then, take that!" I'd shot an arrow straight at him. But even when I shot it I knew that it wasn't that good of a shot. I hadn't put all the strength in it I needed to hit a werewolf. I knew that it wouldn't hit him. And I was right; he snatched the arrow before it could hit his chest. He looked at it, laughing. "Wow. That was really sweet. Adorable even. Could you do this again?" Still laughing he moved closer to me, the arrow in one hand.

Swallowing hard I backed away, trying to think of something I could do. Dam it! Where was one of those werewolves when you needed them? I had to admit that I wouldn't mind being saved right now even though I didn't want to be the damsel in distress. But I just wasn't good at fighting. That had been entirely Allison. I was... well, I was good at make-up and clothes. Though I surely couldn't fight this Alpha off with giving him advice on his – admittedly – awful looks. Even though he would desperately need a make-over. Had he even showered since the Nineties? His hair looked like it hadn't seen a comb for quite a long time.

"Let's make this short, shall we? It's quite a pain in the ass having to kill the innocent, weak girl. Fighting someone who's equally strong is much more fun."

I looked around in panic. Should I try to run away? But I knew that this wouldn't help. He would be way too fast for me to run away. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't fight him. I would die. Isaac had sent me away so I would be safe and now I was in danger even more.

Though he couldn't have known. It wasn't his fault. It was no one's fault. I would die... I knew it. I wondered if I would see Allison again and even though I didn't want to be weak, even though I wanted to get out of this alive, there was a small part of me that craved to see Allison again.

Before the man had reached me though, I saw a dark figure jump out of nowhere. I had no idea where it had come from but all of a sudden it was there. It jumped at the man and I think the only reason he was able to really hurt him was that the man was just as surprised as I had been.

"_You?_" I heard him say in disbelief.

All I heard then were snarls and howls. I backed away even further until I'd reached a tree. I knew that I should run away but I couldn't. I stood there frozen, watching the two shadows fight in the dark. I knew who he was. Even though I didn't want to believe it, I'd known right from the moment he'd appeared who he was.

Peter was back.

It was all way too fast for me to quite catch what exactly was going on. Suddenly I saw Peter grab the bow that had been on the ground while the two had fought. And then he thrust it into his chest. I saw the bow dive deep into the man's chest, right on the spot where his heart was. It dove into it until only the top of the arrow was still visible. I knew that the arrow must have pierced his heart.

He sank to the ground, lifeless, unmoving. Like a puppet which strings had been cut off. I stared at his body, shocked. And a bit relieved as well because I knew that I'd be probably lying there if it wasn't for Peter.

I looked at him. I still couldn't believe that he was really there. "What... what are you doing here?"

"Saving your life, I'd say."

Peter looked at me before he moved closer to me, very cautiously though. "Are you OK?" When he stood in front of me he eyed me, looked me up from head to toe. "Did he hurt you?"

"I'm... I'm fine," was all I managed to say. It was too much for me. I had never wanted to see Peter again and now he was back in Beacon Hills. More than that, even he of all people had saved my life. I didn't know how to handle this. It came all rushing back to me; what had happened a few months ago. How I'd felt when I had been with him and what he'd done to Allison, how he'd smashed my heart into thousands of pieces eventually.

"Go away," I whispered but my voice sounded weak. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to be alone. "Just... go. You can't be here. I don't want you here. Go... Please..."

But he didn't go. "You're bleeding," he said and I looked up at him, confused. "What?" I touched my face, my forehead... Yes, I was bleeding indeed. I felt a wound on my forehead, a cut, probably a laceration. I haven't felt the wet, warm blood running down my cheek until now.

"It's okay. It's just a cut. I'll take care of it when I get home."

"Maybe I should help you get home..." he started but I shook my head fiercely. "I don't want your help. Look, I appreciate what you've done and even though I don't understand what you're doing here, I know that you saved my life. But you can't stay. You need to go... I can't take this..."

I held a hand to my head, taking a deep breath. Now that I was aware of the blood I felt my head go dizzy. Or maybe it was because all of this was way too much to take in. I had no idea what to do. There was a part of me that seemed to want to hold Peter close to me, to not let him go again, but another part of me wanted nothing to do with him. That part even wanted to see him suffer, to see him hurt. It was confusing. Confusing as hell.

"Are you sure you're fine? You don't look like it."

"I... am..." I said but I felt myself go weaker with each second. I had no idea what was going on. Maybe I was having some sort of panic attack. Maybe I was just overreacting. I didn't know. I tried to take a few steps but I was so shaky that I couldn't manage to walk.

I felt Peter beside me, cautiously holding my arm so I wouldn't fall.

"You shouldn't have come here. It's not right. You might have saved my life now but... it doesn't change the fact that I hate you for what you did to me."

"You should," he said quietly, "You should hate me."

Without saying another word I let him support me. It didn't matter now. All I wanted was to be home, to lay down on my bed and forget that this night ever happened. But I knew that I wouldn't be able to forget anything. It was impossible.

"I know that this isn't very appropriate now and it probably is neither the right time nor right place to tell you this," Peter said while we walked to my house, "But you look quite pretty tonight."


	22. Chapter 22: We Can't Go Back

**CHAPTER twenty-two  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

I must have passed out on the way home. When I awoke, I laid on my bed. I still felt dizzy and exhausted but other than that I felt totally fine. A short glance at my watch told me that it was already 3 AM. I sat up in my bed and when I looked around the room, I noticed Peter sitting on the windowsill. Shocked and terrified, I backed away immediately.

Peter just watched me. I thought I saw a shadow cross his face, sadness, even pain mirroring in it. But his face was expressionless again when I took a closer look at him.

"You don't need to be afraid," he said. "I won't hurt you. And I won't come any closer if that's what you want."

"What are you even doing here? I... I can't remember how I've even got here."

"You've passed out on the way here," he said. "I had to carry you the rest of the way. Your cut isn't that bad, though. I think the events of this night had just been too much for you."

I swallowed hard and just nodded. I didn't know what to do. I was just too confused to think straight. But all of a sudden I thought about Isaac, Jackson and the others. What had happened to them? Were they still fighting the Alpha Pack?

"I need to... to call someone. I need to know if they're okay."

"Lydia don't." Peter looked at me and the expression in his blue eyes were so sensitive that I couldn't manage to look away for a long moment. "They'll tell you when... well, when it's over. There's nothing you can do."

"Why aren't you with them?"

"Well, they surely wouldn't want my help."

"Why did you come back anyway?"

Peter was quiet for a long moment. He examined me before sighing, "These past few months I'd watched the Alpha Pack as good as I could manage to. I wanted to know what their plans were. As it turns out, they'd wanted to take over Beacon Hills all along. They'd even wanted Derek in their pack but when they realized that Derek would never become a part of the Alpha Pack, they decided to kill him and the others. That's why they are here. To get rid of the town's werewolves. To get rid of a possible threat."

He leaned against the window. "Though I suppose they fear the hunters even more than Derek and his... _pack. _But since they are against them, they want to have them out of their way. Same goes for the hunters."

I swallowed hard. I couldn't help but imagine all of my friends broken and beaten up... I was so scared for all of them. I couldn't bear to lose another one of my friends. Not after I'd already lost Allison.

And now her murdered was here with me. In my room.

"Do you think that they can beat the Alpha Pack?"

"Well, the alphas are much more stronger than they are. Their strength combined is almost unbeatable. But if my nephew asks Argent for help... Well. They might have a chance, I guess."

"You have killed one of them. One of the Alphas."

"I have. But killing one of them is easier than to kill all of them when they're all attacking you. And even killing one Alpha isn't that easy. I... Well, I have experience in that department."

I shuddered. I always hated it when he'd say something like this. When he mentioned so casually how many people he'd already killed.

"You should train better with the crossbow, you know," he said to me and when I looked up at him I saw him smile mockingly. "You're not that good at using it."

I rolled my eyes. "Not everyone of us can be a killing machine."

"Point taken." He almost looked at me challengingly. But I wouldn't give in to his games anymore. I wanted him to leave. And at the same time I didn't want him to leave. I hated him for what he did. I hated him for all what he's done to me, what he'd put me through. And yet I knew that these feelings for him I'd had weren't entirely gone. But just like I'd known right from the start that things between us would probably not work out, I knew now that we couldn't be together. Ever. He'd destroyed everything.

"Please just leave." I stood up from my bed and without hesitating I took a step closer to him. "You can't be here. I don't want you here. What do you even expect me to do? Forget everything you've done just because you saved my life?"

"I don't expect anything from you Lydia. I know that I've done bad things. I don't deserve your forgiveness and I also know that you couldn't forgive me anyway."

"Do you regret it?"

He looked at me in silence for a very long moment before repeating, "No. I don't regret killing her because I think that this family deserves all the suffering it can get after what they'd done to my family and me. But I regret losing you."

I swallowed hard and before I knew what I did, I took a few steps closer to him until I stood right in front of him. And without thinking about him I slapped him right across the face. That's what I'd wanted to do for so long. I wanted to hurt him... I wanted him to feel the pain I'd felt, even if it would just be physical pain.

"How – can – you – even – say – that?" With each word I'd hit him against the chest with my bare fists. I was raging. I was out of control now. All the pain rushed through me. Everything that had happened came back at once and I couldn't do anything to try to push these feelings away.

"It's your fault! _**Everything is your fault!**_ I hate you! _**I hate you so much!**_ You've destroyed everything. And I hate myself for falling for you and... and for making it happen! Allison might still be alive if it weren't for me. She'd followed us because she'd been concerned for me. She's dead because of me! You killed her! I begged you not to! I BEGGED YOU! Do you know how many nightmares I still have of this night? Do you know how often I wake up at night, crying out my best friend's name? Crying out _your _name?

I'd known right from the start that whatever it was between us could end badly. But I would never have thought that it would end like this. That you would kill someone I cared about! You know what? You could've killed me as well, I wouldn't have cared that night! You destroyed everything. I thought that there was something in you I haven't seen before. And do you know what the saddest part of that all is? I still think so! I know that you didn't pull off an act. And that is why I hate you even more! You were honest about the way you feel about me. And you still let this... this darkness take over you. Your thirst for vengeance was still too strong. You've completely forgotten about me that night. It didn't matter to you what it would do to me if you killed my best friend."

I still hit him. I knew that I probably didn't even hurt him but I just couldn't stop. I'd only stopped hitting him when Peter grabbed both of my arms. I tried to break away from him but he wouldn't let me.

"I know Lydia. I know. Please calm down. I know that it's my fault. And I know that you hate me. I've told you that things wouldn't be easy. I even told you that I'm beyond repair. There was nothing you could have done about it. It would have happened anyway. No matter whom of them it was, I'd have killed them that night – with or without you by my side."

"That is not an excuse for doing those things! I know that your life hasn't been easy! And I know that you suffered. But... that's no excuse for being the villain! For being so cruel and violent!"

"And I already told you that I'm not the bad guy here. Not entirely, at least. I wanted to help my nephew with the Alpha Pack. I had no desire to turn against him. I didn't just kill that other Alpha because I'd wanted to become one myself again. I'd heard that he was planning on attacking and killing Derek. And I couldn't let that happen."

I calmed down a little and took a deep breath without looking up at him again. "That doesn't change the fact that you've killed my best friend. Nothing you could say or do would make it better. Nothing."

Peter looked at me and suddenly that sad, painful expression was in his blue eyes again. He still hadn't let go of my arms. Though his grip wasn't that tight I couldn't break away from him.

"I don't expect you to forgive me," he said again. "And I know that I can't be a part of your life. I still... I still wanted to see you one last time. Especially after finding out what the Alpha Pack was up to I needed to come back. I needed to make sure that you're safe."

I swallowed hard and shook my head. "You really should go now."

"You don't want me to go. I know that a part of you doesn't want me to leave. Not yet at least."

I wanted to shake my head again but I couldn't. Because I knew that he was right. I didn't want to admit it to myself but he was right. I took a deep breath. "But what's the point in staying? What's the point in talking about all of this over and over again if we know that it doesn't change anything? It just hurts much more this way."

"I don't want you to suffer."

"And that's why you should go."

Peter watched me and I could almost see his struggling. I'd never seen him this confused and unsure of what to do, what to say before. "I just want to be with you one last time. Even if it's just for a few moments. I'll never come back here again. Not if it isn't necessary. You can forget all about me."

Would I be able to forget him? At all? Because no matter what might have happened, no matter how big that part of me was that hated him. I still couldn't deny that he'd left an impression on me.

Though I didn't want to suffer any more. I would never get over the fact that Peter had killed Allison. I could never see past this dark, cruel and terrifying side of him.

Before I could do or say anything though he leaned closer in to me. I felt his lips touch mine and without thinking about it I closed my eyes. I didn't kiss him back though. I just let him kiss me. I wasn't sure if I enjoyed this feeling or if it just made me think of how things had been before he'd destroyed everything. And if that was why I enjoyed feeling his lips on mine again. Or if it was because I just couldn't shake off that part of me that still had feelings for him, just like I couldn't shake off the hatred I felt for him.

Love. Hate. Who would have thought how close these two feelings were to each other? I'd always thought people made stuff like that up. But it was true. Love was closer to hate than one could imagine.

When I pulled away from him he didn't try to stop me. Peter let go of me almost immediately and I took a few steps back. I had no idea what to do now. The whole situation was so confusing – it was just too much for me.

"Could we see each other again tomorrow night? Just one last time? I mean... _if _everything turns out to be fine. If the Alpha Pack will be gone for good, I'll leave tomorrow night. And I'd like to see you one last time before I go."

I looked at him, unsure. Wouldn't it be even harder it I'd see him yet again ofter tonight?

"I... I don't know. I'm just so confused and I don't want things to become even more difficult."

"They won't. Just... do me this favor, please."

I thought about it for a moment. "Maybe. Tomorrow at midnight in the woods. I don't know if I'll be there but... maybe. That's all I can give you for now."

He looked at me for another moment before nodding. "And it's more than I could ask for."

With that he passed me and went out of my room. I took a deep breath and only now I realized how shaky I'd been these past few minutes. Before I could sit on my bed though I heard my cell phone ringing. I grabbed for it at once, hoping that it would be one of my friends.

"Lydia?" I heard Isaac's voice when I picked up and just hearing his voice made me so happy. I was relieved. He was okay. At least now I knew that one of my friends was okay.

"Isaac! Oh my God. I was so worried about you! What happened? Did you... did you make it?"

"We're fine. I mean – it was hard. But I don't think the Alpha Pack had foreseen that we'd get help from the hunters. A few of them died and I think one of them managed to flee. The hunters are looking for him at the very moment. But what about you? Are you okay?"

"Of course I am." I wouldn't tell him about what had happened. I wouldn't tell anyone about Peter either. Maybe it would have been the right thing to do to tell Chris that Peter was in town. But I just couldn't do it.

"I've been here for hours, waiting to hear from you. I was so scared for all of you. And I'm so glad you're okay."

"Do you want me to come over?"

"No... No it's okay. You should rest now. It's been a long night. See you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah. See you. And Lydia... I hope we'll get to dance another time."

I was silent for a moment before smiling just a little. "I'm sure we will."

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you so much to everyone who's reading this story, especially for your reviews, _dearlyfantastical5511_. They always make me so happy! I'm currently writing the next chapter and it might take me until the weekend to publish it. So don't be surprised if it'll take longer for the final chapters to be published.


	23. Chapter 23: Beyond Repair

**CHAPTER twenty-three  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

How the holy hell was I supposed to explain to Derek what had happened to his car? I hadn't thought about _that _last night when I'd told Isaac that everything was fine. I'd completely forgotten to tell him that Derek's car was... well, crashed. I was almost sure that he would want to kill me for what I'd done to his car.

How should I tell them what had happened without telling them that Peter was back in Beacon Hills? I knew what it would mean if they knew – they'd try to find Peter immediately. And if they found him they'd kill him. And I even knew where Peter would be tonight at midnight. I knew that Peter was still in Beacon Hills.

And even though I knew that I should tell them, that Peter deserved every punishment he'd get, even if it was the deadliest of them all, I couldn't do it. I couldn't just buy him out to them. And I knew that it was stupid. I knew that I should hate him.

And I did. I hated him. I hated him so much.

But at the same time there still was that part of me that couldn't let go of me. That part of my broken, my foolish heart that still hold on to the memories of how it had been before with Peter. Of how it had felt when he'd hold me, when he'd kissed me, when he'd just been with me.

I was probably mad. I'd probably gone over the edge already and had lost my mind for good now. But I couldn't let them have Peter. Even if I knew that there was no way in the world I could ever be with him again after what he'd done, I still couldn't bear the thought of him dying. It just broke my heart even more. And I wouldn't have thought that possible because my heart was already smashed into pieces.

How could I still – and even if it was just a part of me – love the man who'd made my life a living hell over and over again?

It wasn't rational. And maybe it wasn't supposed to be. How could I not want him dead after he'd killed my best friend? There even was a part of me that wanted to see him suffer just as much as he'd made me and everyone I cared about suffer. But that part's voice had become very silent in comparison to that of my heart. My broken, destroyed heart which still couldn't forget about the man I'd seen him Peter. That man he'd never let anyone else see but me.

I loved and I hated him with equal measure. I couldn't help it. I didn't want to see him yet I knew I had to see him tonight.

But I still had to figure out some way so the others wouldn't notice anything. The only question left was still: _How?_

Sighing I got out of bed, grabbing the next best clothes I could find and putting them on. I'd never cared that less about my looks than I did today. But there were so many things to do, so many things to think about. Maybe I should tell at least Isaac about what had happened. Maybe he would help me. But he couldn't hide from Derek that Peter was back, could he? And I couldn't expect him to hide something from his Alpha.

Though I knew that Isaac was my friend, maybe even my best friend, I couldn't just tell him. I trusted him. But he would have no choice but to tell Derek. And if it wasn't Chris Argent who killed Peter, it would surely be Derek.

I just had to tell Peter how important it was for him to leave Beacon Hills tonight. And to never come back. Maybe he might deserve to die. But I couldn't be the one to sell him out to the others.

A knock on my door pulled me out of my thoughts. Almost gasping I turned around. I felt so guilty about all the things I had to hide from the people I cared about the most that I was getting paranoid apparently. When my door opened, though, it was Isaac who entered my room. He looked at me, a bright smile on his face.

"Isaac!"

I couldn't help myself. I just ran to him and flung my arms around his neck. Laughing, he hugged me tightly to him, stroking my hair. "So happy to see me, huh?"

"Of course I am!" When I pulled away from him I still looked at him, smiling just as brightly as he did. "I'm so relieved you're okay. And the others, of course. You're definitely not hurt, aren't you?"

"No I'm not. I'm fine Lydia. Completely fine. And I've gotta say that it makes me even happier to see how... well, how happy my well-being makes you."

"I just couldn't have stand the idea of losing you." My smile faded away and I sighed. "After all that we've been through I couldn't bear to lose any of you. But you... You've become one of my best friends these past few months, you know." I wasn't exactly good at expressing my feelings. Though I just felt like I had to tell Isaac how much he meant to me.

Isaac just looked at me for a long moment before he stretched out his hand to me, touching my cheek softly. "I had no idea I meant so much to you."

"Of course you do." was all I said, smiling too. We looked at each other for a very long moment. It seemed to last an eternity until, all of a sudden, Isaac leaned in closer to me and touched my lips with his. At first I had no idea what to do. I couldn't believe what Isaac was doing. Before I could even push him away I felt his lips moving on mine. He kissed me. Gently – almost cautiously. Like he was afraid he could break me. His lips felt... I had no idea what exactly they felt like. They felt _good_. That was the very first word that came to my mind when Isaac kissed me.

But it wasn't allowed to feel this good.

It was confusing. And it wasn't right. I didn't want anyone to kiss me. And I didn't want anyone to fall in love with me because all I'd do was hurting people. I didn't want to lose Isaac's friendship. And yet for just a moment I kissed him back. I couldn't help it. I had no idea what I was feeling. It just felt too comforting, too safe. When he felt me kissing him back, Isaac seemed to become more confident. He put his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. The kiss became fiercer, more passionate...

When I felt his hand in my hair I was suddenly reminded of Peter and how he'd always touched my hair. How his hands had tousled my hair so often when we'd kissed.

And just like that I pushed Isaac away from me, more aggressive than I'd intended to. He looked at me, confused and dazed. I couldn't believe what had just happened.

"Why...? How...?" I stumbled. Isaac swallowed hard. "I... I'm sorry. It just happened. I have no idea what went through my head. I'd just wanted to kiss you." He looked down and I could _feel _how hurt he was. I'd just pushed him away. It must have hurt him quite a lot. I didn't want him to suffer, though, especially not because of me.

"I... I appreciated it. I really did. And I like you. You know how much I like you. It's just..."

"No, don't say anything at all. Please. I know Lydia. And it's okay. I know we're just friends and that's all I want us to be, okay? Don't think about it. It meant nothing. Just forget about it."

I wasn't so sure if I could forget about it that easily. Though I didn't want to push him any further so I just nodded.

"I'm gonna go now. Call me if you need anything, okay?" He stepped closer to me and kissed me gently on the forehead. Just like he'd done before. Like when he'd kissed me on the forehead like good friends do. But now it felt different. It felt... strange. I didn't know how it felt exactly. I couldn't put into words what I was feeling right now because I was just too confused.

I didn't want to open up my heart to anyone. Never again. But Isaac kissing me hadn't felt wrong at all. I thought about how it had felt like when Peter kissed me last night. It hadn't felt exactly wrong either. But still it had felt entirely different from Isaac kissing me just now. I didn't want to be this confused. I didn't want to think about any of this.

How did I always manage to end up in these kind of situations?

And only now did I realize that I'd completely forgotten to tell Isaac about Derek's car. Damn it! Maybe I should just leave it this way, hoping that Derek would find out after Peter had left town. Maybe he wouldn't even ask questions. But I doubted that.

Sighing, I tried to clear my mind, even though that wasn't easy. I still had no clue on what to do about Peter and now Isaac had kissed me. I'd thought that we were just friends. I'd thought that he felt the same way about that. Had I been this blind all along?

I tried remembering how he acted around me all the time. Had there been signs that he could feel more for me than just friendship? I didn't know. All I knew was that I was confused as hell. I craved for someone to talk about it. But the only person I would have talked to about my messed up feelings was dead.

And ironically that was the fault of the man I still had feelings for. Even though I knew I shouldn't, even though I still didn't want to see him because there was a great part of me that loathed him I was about to meet him tonight for one last time. And I had no idea what would happen then.

It was already dark when I got outside that night. I had a strange feeling in my guts. I don't know why, but I was sure that something would go profoundly wrong.

I didn't try to think about it as I went into the woods, though. I'd meet Peter, I'd tell him that he needed to leave now and than I'd go back home and try to live a normal life from now on.

But could my life ever be normal again? If I was quite honest, I had no idea what _normal _even meant anymore.

I took a deep breath when I walked deeper into the woods. Only now I realized that I hadn't asked Peter where exactly we should meet. But I had a feeling that I would find him somehow.

And I hadn't been wrong. Only a few moments later I heard his voice saying, "Hello Lydia."

I turned around, gasping. "You always have to creep up behind me, haven't you?" A small smile crossed his lips. "Seems like I do."

We stared at each other for a long moment. I had no idea what to say. Things between us had gotten so... weird. Sometimes he acted just like nothing had happened. Like this was just one of our dates late at night. But it wasn't. Several months had passed since we'd last met each other in secret. So much had happened since we'd been _happy _together. Now I wondered how I could have ever felt happy with him.

"You have to go Peter." I looked at him, almost begging. "Not just because of me. It's only a matter of time until Derek will find out that you're here. And Chris Argent... They could kill you. They will kill you. You know that. You must leave at once."

Sighing, he took a step closer to me. "I know that. And right now it doesn't really matter to me. I've told you I wanted to see you one last time before I leave."

I looked at him, just shaking my head. "It doesn't make sense."

"A lot of things don't make sense. Like you could have just sold me out to them. You could have told them that I'm back. Maybe you even have. Maybe all of this is just a trick. But it wouldn't matter to me anyway just because you're here with me right now. Though it would have made much more sense for you to sell me out to Derek and the others."

I didn't know what to say. He was right of course. And I'd debated about it in my head all day long. "I couldn't have done that," I said at last. "It has crossed my mind more than once, to be honest. It would have been what you deserve after all you'd done. After everything you've done to me. But... I just... I couldn't. I couldn't be the one responsible for your death. Even though I don't want you in my life anymore, I couldn't bear the thought of you being dead. Maybe that's stupid since you've done so many bad things. But I couldn't do it."

Peter looked at me for a few moments in silence until he smiled again. His smile looked sad, though sad yet somehow even proud. "That's the great difference between you and me, you know. You're just so much better than me. Than most people, actually. You're destined for greatness Lydia Martin, and I don't even think that you know that already."

I had no idea what to say to that. Just a few months ago I'd felt so right, so easy to talk to him. We could talk about almost anything. And now I felt that tension between us. That tension that just wouldn't go away, no matter how hard I tried to remember the Peter Hale I'd fallen for. But that one night when he'd smashed my heart into thousands of pieces, when he'd destroyed everything crossed my mind all the time. What he'd done wouldn't just go away. And it shouldn't. I couldn't love someone who did these things. It was impossible.

Though I knew that this man I'd gotten to know, I'd fallen for was still there. And my heart just didn't manage to let go of him, of that side of him that he'd shown me and only me, no matter how hard I tried.

"Isaac kissed me."

I had no idea why I would tell him that. But the words came out of my mouth before I could have stopped myself. He stared at me for a moment, confused and forwning.

And then, after another long moment of silence, he just said, "Well... uhm... that's... nice."

He certainly didn't have any idea what to say to that which was quite odd, considering that he was Peter and he always had to say something. And he certainly also didn't look like he thought that it was nice.

"It just happened. I don't know what had gotten into him. And I can't believe it. I just... I thought you should know that."

He still looked at me and before I could back away from him he touched my cheek with his hand. I couldn't help but to close my eyes at the feel of his touch. For just a moment I let myself enjoy it.

"Don't worry. I wouldn't kill poor Isaac because he'd kissed you. That'd be pretty low even for me. I think I'm slightly too old for such teenage dramas."

I opened my eyes again, now rolling them at him when I noticed him smiling mockingly. "What you did to me hurt. It still does. I wouldn't want to hurt anybody else just because... well, I'm beyond repair."

It felt strange saying that. He'd said almost the exact same words to me once.

"Don't be. Lydia. Please. I don't want you to be lonely. That was never what I wanted for you." Suddenly he was serious again. He cupped my face in his hands, looking straight at me. "I want you to be happy. And I want you to have someone who treats you like you deserve it. I want you to be... loved. You're not beyond repair. You're stronger than that. I know that everything bad that's been happening to you is because of me and even though I might not regret the things that I'd done, I regret doing this to you. I regret making you feel like this. And if there's someone who could make you happy you should choose to be with whomever that person might be."

The person I'd wanted to be with was him. The person I'd wanted to make me happy was him. It'd been him a long time ago at least. But instead of making me happy, all he'd done was make me suffer even more. Though there'd been a time he did make me happy, no matter how short it might have been.

"You did make me happy, you know? And that's the problem. I hate you. I hate you so much for what you did to me. But there's still that part of me, no matter how small it is, that clings to these moments we'd spent together in happiness. And I can't shake that off because it hurts so much more than if I could just hate you and feel nothing else for you. I loathe you, yet at the same time I crave you."

Peter just looked at me. He stroked my strawberry blond hair. And when he leaned in closer to me this time, I let him. I didn't even try to push him away. No matter how wrong it was, it felt right somehow, too. One last time I wanted to be reminded of these few, sweet moments we'd spent together before everything had turned into chaos. Maybe I could put it behind me then after all this time.

But before he got even close enough to kiss me, he suddenly pushed me away from him. I wanted to ask what was wrong, but Peter looked around him cautiously.

Then, just a few seconds later, Derek, Isaac and Scott approached. I looked at them, especially at Isaac. I couldn't believe that they'd found him after all.

"I wouldn't have thought that you'd dare to come back here," Derek said with hatred in his voice. "Though thanks to Lydia I've found you."

I looked up, shocked. I hadn't lead them here. Or had I? Had they been following me the whole time?

Isaac looked at me, taking a deep breath. "I'd wanted to stop by your house tonight when I'd seen you going for the woods. We'd found Derek's car before and it seemed... strange. I had to call them and follow you. I'm sorry Lydia."

I just stared at him. I knew why he would do that but I still was disappointed. Then I looked back to Peter who was now surrounded by the three werewolves.

And I knew that they would kill him.

* * *

**A/N: **I was able to finish the new chapter much sooner than I'd expected. I hope you liked it. Please tell me in the reviews what you thought about it!


	24. Chapter 24: No More Dreaming of the Dead

**CHAPTER twenty-four  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

* * *

"Don't do this! Please... It won't make anything better!" I cried out. I was so scared and I felt so stupid. Once again someone who I'd trusted betrayed me. I had trusted Peter and he had let Allison walk into a trap – a trap that had only existed because of _me_.

And now, ironically, I had managed to let Peter walk into a trap that also only existed because of me. It if weren't for me, he'd taken off hours ago. He'd just stayed around Beacon Hills because he had wanted to see me one more time. When Peter had asked me if he could see me one last time last night, I'd had a bad feeling about it. But I'd thought that this feeling was because of my insecurities about Peter.

I'd thought that I just wasn't sure if I wanted to see him again because of my conflicted feelings for him. And now things had become even worse. Even though I knew, I could understand why Derek and the others wanted to see Peter dead, I just couldn't bear the thought of him being dead. I didn't want him to die.

It was as simple as that. But how could I, especially I, explain to them that I didn't want Peter to die after all he's done to me?

Because there was still a part of me that was in love with him. And even though how small that part might have been compared to the part of me that hated him, the part that was still disappointed and hurting and the part that would never, ever be able to forgive him. The part of me that still loved Peter was quite strong right now.

It wouldn't bring Allison back from the dead to kill the man who's murdered her. But how could I make them see reason?

"You're not as... as cruel and bad as he is! You're not murderers!" I shouted at them. "Isaac, please!" I looked at him, begging. All of a sudden I felt just like I'd felt that night when Peter had killed Allison. I'd felt helpless. I'd begged Peter not to kill her. I'd begged him not to do this to me because I mattered something to him.

And now I begged Isaac not to kill Peter. Because at least I thought that I, that our friendship mattered something to him.

Isaac turned around to look at me. "I'm sorry Lydia. We have to do this..."

Peter watched all of us with a calmness I just couldn't understand. He couldn't seriously think that he was able to beat all of them off, could he? He must know that he probably was about to get killed. And still he just stood there, letting nothing of his feelings, of what he thought show. Not the slightest hint of fear, not even anger. There was nothing to be read in the look of his deep blue eyes.

There was no light in his eyes.

Just some flicker of amusement when he watched Isaac and me.

"It's not easy handling that girl. Though you should try your best to make her happy." Peter looked at me for a moment and I couldn't help but swallowing hard. I knew exactly what he wanted to say though he didn't say it out loud. _I failed her. And I regret that._

I couldn't let them kill him. No matter how much he deserved whatever bad things he could get for killing Allison. And even though he might be deserving death for what he'd done, I still couldn't let him die. I couldn't watch them kill him.

"Just let him go. You know it isn't right! You don't want to be killers."

"He deserves it Lydia!" Scott turned to me. It surprised me that of all people he yelled at me. But I should have known that he'd be the one who wanted to see Peter dead more than anyone. And it was understandable. Peter had taken the one person he'd loved more than anyone else in the whole world from him. Allison's death had broken him. Scott had fallen apart because of losing Allison. And there was nothing that could ever repair him again.

Though I doubted that killing Allison's murderer would make him feel better. Maybe it would make him feel better for just a moment. But it wouldn't take away the pain of having lost Allison forever.

As for Derek, he'd already killed his uncle once. What would it matter to him to kill him again, especially after all that Peter had done to him?

"It's okay Lydia." Peter looked at me again and this time I couldn't fight against the tears coming to my eyes. "You should leave." I wasn't sure if Peter was afraid for my safety or if he just didn't want me to witness all of this. Did he really think that he could get out of this alive? Or had he already accepted what was going to happen? Was that why he wanted me to leave?

He didn't want me to suffer even more.

"No I won't! I won't let you do this! For God's sake, this is madness! Stop it! Please STOP IT RIGHT NOW! You can't just... It... it just isn't right!"

I wanted to walk over to them. I wanted to protect Peter, no matter how crazy that might sound. Maybe I'd gone mad for good now. Maybe I'd lost my mind. But I didn't care. I wouldn't give up without a fight. I wouldn't let them kill him. And even though I knew I didn't have a chance, I still had to try.

Though I couldn't even reach Peter in time. Before I was with them, Derek attacked him, snarling. "No!" I cried again and without thinking about it, I wanted to run to them. But I didn't even get that far before Isaac grabbed my arms. He pulled me close to him and hold me in such a fierce grip I could hardly move.

"Let go of me!" I still tried to struggle against his grip, though, even though I knew he was way too strong for me. "This is none of your business! You can't do this!"

"It is my business Lydia! I know you're disappointed in me and I'm sorry for practically spying on you. But I didn't have any other choice! As soon as I knew where you were going and to _whom _you were going, I had to tell Derek! He's a murderer Lydia!"

"I don't care! I don't care why you did what you've done! And I know... I know what he did!" Tears were running down my cheeks now uncontrollably. I couldn't hold them back, even though I felt weak for crying. "And I still can't bear the thought of him dying! It's not right. We're... we're not like that. Remember how we used to be? Remember how things used to be? So easy, so... normal. And it's all gone now. It's dead and gone! But we're still as... as good as we can manage to be! And that's why you shouldn't kill him. You shouldn't be this way! It'll only destroy you!"

"I know Lydia. I know this is hard for you. And I don't want you to suffer. Believe me, I've never wanted to betray you. And I'm the last person who wants you to hurt." Now Isaac pulled me even closer to his chest. I felt his lips on my hair. He kissed the top of my head lightly. "But this is not how things work. He's dangerous. And even if I thought you were right, I just don't have a say in that matter. Derek's the Alpha."

I swallowed hard. I couldn't say anything. I didn't know what to say.

Was it really because I worried so much about my friends why I didn't want them to kill Peter? Yes, it was, partly at least. I didn't want them to go down that road. I didn't want them to become dark, to become like Peter. I hadn't been able to help him. It had already been way too late. I hadn't been able to save him – and I'd known that right from the start when we'd started getting closer.

I didn't want to lose Isaac or Scott to that same darkness that had consumed Peter for years.

And then, of course, there was that part of me that just didn't want Peter to die. I couldn't even try to explain why I didn't want the man who murdered my best friend to die. I couldn't explain this just as I couldn't explain why I still had feelings for him after all what he'd done.

"Let go of me!" Again, I tried to struggle against Isaac's grip. At least I seemed to caught him off guard. He must have thought that I'd calmed down. He hadn't counted on me trying to break away from him again. His grip had loosened slightly and that was all that I needed to break away from him.

I ran away from him and even though I knew that Isaac could have outrun my easily, he didn't. "Lydia! Don't!" I heard him scream behind me but I didn't care. All I could see was Peter and Derek, fighting each other. Scott still stood on the sidelines, watching them. It was clear that Peter and Derek were equally strong and skilled.

Though when I watched Peter, I had a feeling that he didn't try his best to fight Derek off. Derek's claws hit him way more often than Peter managed to dodge them. And I knew how strong he was. I knew, instinctively, that Derek shouldn't have come so easy to Derek to hurt Peter.

I was scared. I was so afraid for him.

And even though some part of me knew that I shouldn't, I couldn't help but fear for Peter Hale. After everything he'd done to me, I still couldn't shake my feelings for him.

"Stop! Please!" I shouted and then, right before my eyes, I saw Peter crash to the ground. Derek stood above him, claws outstretched. Peter looked up at him and he said something to him. A mocking smile crossed his lips. Though I couldn't hear what they said.

Without thinking about it I ran towards them. I stopped just a few steps from them. "Don't do it Derek. Please..." I said breathlessly, begging. I'd never have thought that I'd beg Derek for something. Both Hales looked at me at that and I thought I saw concern cross Peter's expression. "Stay out of this Lydia," he said before Derek could say anything to me. I just looked at him, pleading. Why didn't he try to fight Derek better? Why didn't he do anything to save himself?

I had a bad feeling. A very, very bad feeling.

I looked away from Peter, looking at Derek instead. "It won't change anything."

"It was bound to happen. He should've died a long time ago. He should have died when I'd killed him and now, after everything he's done, after the chaos he caused, I just have to do what I probably should have done right after he came back to life. He'd used you to come back to life. You of all people should want to see him dead."

Derek looked from Peter to me. He didn't seem to understand what it was between us. But how could he? I didn't understand it myself.

"You're not a murderer." I said. Derek shot me a dark look. In that moment Peter stood up again and Derek immediately went into a fighting position. Though Peter ignored Derek completely. He looked at me and for a small moment I had a feeling that it was only him and me here, and no one else.

In that moment he looked at me just like he'd looked at me before all of this. Before everything had turned into a heartbreaking disaster. He looked at me with such affection that, for a heartbeat, I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Please Lydia. Leave. Let me handle this. I want you to go. Now."

Though what he said wasn't what I wanted to hear. Not at all. I wanted him to fight. I wanted him to fight for his life. It seemed so surreal that he, that Peter Hale wouldn't fight for his life now when he'd done everything to come back from the dead. All he'd ever wanted was to live.

All he'd ever feared was dying. And now I think there was something else he feared even more.

Hurting me. Breaking me.

He'd done that. Several, uncountable times. And still he was afraid. Even though he'd lost me already, he still was afraid of losing me.

And in that moment I knew that I couldn't just leave. I knew that there was no way for Peter and me to go back to how things had been before, but I still couldn't leave him now. I wanted to tell him that. I wanted to tell him that he shouldn't give up without a fight because that wasn't like him. And even Derek, I sensed, hesitated in that moment when he saw the look Peter shot me.

"You don't tell me what to do." I said.

A small smile crossed his lips. Before he could say anything, though, Scott rushed up to Peter all of a sudden. Things happened way too fast. Not even Derek could do anything. Even Peter was too stunned in that moment to even back away.

Scott sprang at him and both of them crashed to the ground.

"You killed her!" I heard him scream. I could hear the hurt, the pain in his voice which brought tears to my eyes immediately. I'd known how broken Scott was all along. And no one of us could help him. In that moment I knew that he'd gone over the edge now. He was lost.

"Do something!" I begged Derek who seemed quite confused for a moment. He clearly didn't expect Scott to attack Peter himself.

"Scott... don't..." Derek went to them. He grabbed Scott's arm and tried to pull him away from Peter. I saw Scott hit and slash at Peter multiple times and he didn't even do anything to fight him off.

Even though Derek was the Alpha, even though he must have been much stronger than Scott, Scott seemed to have unbelievable strength because of his wrath. He shook Derek off and continued to slash at Peter.

"You just killed her! There was no reason for you to kill her! She'd nothing to do with what her family had done! You took her from me!

After already destroying my life, you took her from me as well!"

I was too stunned to do something. I just stood there, my heart racing in my chest with fear. I couldn't do anything.

It felt like an eternity had passed though it must have only been a few minutes when I heard Peter whisper something. It shocked me how weak his voice sounded. "I'm... sorry..."

For a moment Scott just stared at him. "Scott..." Derek said again but Scott cut him off. "I don't believe you." was all he said. "You're lying."

Peter looked at Scott. "You've learned more than I would have expected you to."

And then, in a rush of unbelievable fury, Scott lunged at Peter. Derek and I both screamed, "No!" but it was too late. I'd seen Scott's claws outstretch before he'd lunged at Peter. In a single, clean movement he slashed Peter's throat.

"NO! Scott! What have you done?" Derek grabbed Scott and only now he was able to pull him away from Peter who laid on the ground, unmoving. Lifeless.

"If... if you... You'll become an Alpha!" Derek shouted. He thrust Scott against a tree. Though I didn't even look at them anymore. All I saw was Peter, lying on the ground. At first I walked slowly toward him and without even knowing it I burst into a run.

I got to my knees beside him. There was blood, so much blood... It reminded me too much of the sight of Allison's dead body. "Peter... No... Don't..." I whispered, touching his hair almost cautiously. At that, he suddenly opened his eyes.

"Peter!" I whispered his name, relieved. Though the feeling of relief already vanished when he looked at me. Even though he tried to hide it I could see the truth in his blue eyes. He was dying. I knew it. There was no fear in his eyes, not even pain, but I knew that it was the truth.

"No... Please... You'll heal."

"Not this time Lydia."

"Then you'll come back."

"I'm..." It was hard for him to speak. He coughed and blood dripped from his mouth. "I'm afraid that this won't happen either."

"But..." I didn't know what to say. I couldn't cry. Not like I'd cried when Allison had died. It felt like my whole body had gone numb. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I was watching someone I cared about dying again. "No you won't. I won't let you." I said fiercely. I leaned in closer to him, touching my forehead to his. In this very moment, the past didn't matter. There must have been a part of me that had already accepted the truth, even though my heart wouldn't. I wanted to be close to him, as close as I could.

"I'm also afraid you can't do anything about that. Even though I'm not doubting that Lydia Martin can do anything she wants." Even though I didn't look at him because I had my eyes closed, I could practically hear him smiling.

"Don't do this to me. Please."

"Out of all the things I'd done to you, I think that leaving you for good is actually the best thing I can do."

I could only stare at him, shaking my head frantically. It was quite ironic, actually. I'd wanted Peter to leave me alone. I'd wanted nothing to do with him anymore. But I'd never wanted him to die.

"I don't regret it. I don't regret being with you. I've thought I'd regretted it and... after all that's happened... But the moments we'd spent together, the good moments, I don't regret them."

Peter just looked at me, still smiling. And then I did the only thing I could imagine doing in this very moment. I leaned closer to him and kissed him, softly, on the lips.

When I looked at him again, I noticed that his eyes had closed again. And I knew that it was over... Only Derek crying out "No!" made me look away from Peter and look to Derek, Scott and Isaac again. Scott's eyes had turned red. Of course they had. He'd killed Peter. He'd killed an Alpha.

And now he was an Alpha himself.

Apparently, these tales about killing the werewolf who'd turned you into one had been nothing more than that. Tales. Lies.

Derek tried to grab Scott, tried to calm him down. But Scott pushed Derek away from him. He thrust against a tree with a loud _crack_.

"Leave me alone," Scott snarled and with that he took off, running deep into the woods.

Only now I realized that I shivered. My body was shaking with sobs. Only now I realized that I was finally able to cry. It was all too much for me. Too much had happened. Too much to bear.

I looked down at me. My clothes were stained with blood. My hands were covered in blood. Blood. Everywhere.

"No... no no no no no no!" It was all I could say. Over and over again. I grabbed Peters arm, shook it, even though I knew there was no point in doing that. He was dead.

It was the moment when I finally broke into pieces. I didn't know what had pulled me together before, but now I was smashed into thousands of pieces for good. I fell apart right there, right then, in front of the dead body of the man I should never have fallen in love with and yet I'd fallen for him anyway.

And I'd never told him.

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**A/N: **Thanks so much for your reviews!So I guess if the last few chapters had broken your hearts, this one will break it even more. Sorry that it took me longer than usual to update but this one was quite hard to write, even though I still love it. Please let me know in the reviews what you think of it.


	25. Epilogue

**A/N**:I know that it has taken me quite a long time to update and to everyone who still might have read this fic - I'm sorry. But I have to admit that it was rather disappointing not getting _any _reviews after the last chapter I had posted. It was the one I had put the most of my heart's blood into. It was the one I was most proud of, even though it was emotionally destructive. And yet it was the way I had always planned this story to end. I'd wanted their love story to end as a tragedy because I thought it is what would fit them the most. It really disappointed me that no one reviewed anymore and that's why I wasn't motivated to finish this story. But I still wanted to finish it since I was so close to writing the final chapter. I hope that some of you might still read it. And I hope that you'll leave me a review. Still, I'm very proud of this fic and now I'm even prouder that I've managed to finish it the way I'd wanted to from the beginning.

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**EPILOGUE  
**_Lydia Martin  
_

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Weeks had passed since Peter's dead. Weeks which have passed by me without me even noticing it. I didn't notice that time flew by at all. I felt worse than after Allison's death even.

I felt... different, somehow. I couldn't say which had hurt the most, since both their deaths had ripped my heart apart. And now I thought that it would never, ever be possible for my heart to be whole again. Everyone I loved left me. Everyone I cared about died. Just. _Everyone_.

Maybe it was kind of odd to grieve the man who'd killed my best friend. To grieve the man who had put me through hell and back. To grieve the man who had done so much to hurt me. And yet he'd loved me with all his heart. He'd loved me in the best way he could.

And I had loved him, too. I'd never gotten the chance to tell him. But it was the truth. I had hated him. And I'd loved him as well. Both in equal measure. Both feelings destroying me, eating me up and killing me slowly from the inside.

I knew that I was dying. Not physically – but my soul, my heart was already dead. And I didn't want to feel again. I wanted to lie in this darkness, to be by myself forever. Because maybe that way I couldn't get hurt. This way my heart would not be broken again.

It was in pieces already. How much of it was still left to break? Probably nothing.

Isaac had tried to talk to me. Over and over again he'd come, calling out my name from the door. I locked myself in most of the time. But I never opened the door for him. I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to see anyone.

Fortunately my mother was still on vacation with her new boyfriend. I'd been able to pull myself together these past two days after Peter's death for her sake. I didn't want her to see how destroyed I was, how much I suffered. But now I was all alone. I could let myself fall into the darkness. That was what I wanted.

The first few days after Peter's death, I had hoped that I'd see him again in my dreams. I had almost anticipated it. I had wanted it. I had wanted Peter to be in my dreams again like that first time. I had wanted to have a chance to bring him back to live.

But there was no chance. Nothing at all. He was gone for good this time.

This night, though, I awoke with a sudden fear, like every night. But something was different. I felt like immediately after waking up. These past few weeks, I'd always awoken crying out Peter's name, shaking and crying.

There he stood. Like so many nights before, he stood by the window, watching me. My heart began beating fast in my chest at once. I couldn't believe it. He was back! He was in my dreams. Like I'd hoped he would be. Maybe it wasn't lost. Maybe I would still be able to save him.

"Peter!"

I didn't think about anything at all when I got out of bed. I didn't think about the past few months. I didn't think about why I should not love him. I just acted on my feelings. I ran to him, letting myself fall into his opened arms.

"I have missed you so much!" I whispered. "I'd hoped that... I... I had hoped..."

"Shh. It's okay." Peter stroked my hair, pulling me close to him. "I'm here now. But I can't stay long."

At that I backed away from him, confused. "Why? I mean... you'll be back, right? I'll see you when I go back to sleep. We'll find a way to bring you back, won't we? Just like the last time... we'll do it just like we did it then..."

"No Lydia. Listen. We can't. It's just not possible. There's... there's no way for me to come back. And there shouldn't be."

I just stared at him, not understanding what he meant. That he was back in my dreams, just like he'd been after the first time he died, must mean that there still was some hope. Musn't it?

"I'm sorry." He cupped my face in his hands, looking straight into my eyes. "But it's just the way it should be. And even if I wanted to, I can't come back now. The circumstances... just... everything is different now. The bond between us is broken. It's not there anymore."

"But it is! It is Peter!"

"Yes... but not like the last time. The bond between you and me is different now. It isn't because of... magic. It's because... it's because of my love for you."

His words send a shiver down my spine. Swallowing hard, I shook my head. "I won't accept this. I will find a way. I will find a way to bring you back."

"You won't Lydia. And you shouldn't. Please don't do this to yourself. I won't be able to come back to you after this one night. I will be... I will be someplace you will not be able to reach me. But I just have to be sure that you won't stop living. I need you to keep living. I need you to live a normal and happy life – something I would never have been able to give you. I don't want you to be in this darkness anymore Lydia. You deserve so much more. Please. Go out again. Come back into the light. We both know that this is where you belong. The darkness was always the place I belonged in."

"I belong where you are."

"You do not. You never have. You are meant for much more greatness than falling for someone like me." He pressed his lips against my forehead. I closed my eyes, cuddling myself even closer to him. "And I want you to achieve all this greatness. You have to promise me."

"But... I can't..."

"You can. I know you can. And you will. You're Lydia Martin. There's not much I'm proud of Lydia. But I'm proud of having met you. And I'm proud that I'd had the chance to be with you." Now he looked at me again. "And I am proud that I was loved by you."

I just stared at him, trying to swallow the tears that were forming in my eyes. "You know, I couldn't even tell you why. I couldn't even tell you what it is that made... that made me love you. And even though it was already too late for you to get out of this darkness, I still did see the good in you. Maybe you were never meant to get out of this darkness consuming you. I think I couldn't have done anything about it.

"And still. I love you. I loved you just as much as I hated you." For a long moment we looked into each other's eyes until Peter leaned closer into me and kissed me. This kiss felt different. It was bittersweet, somehow. Maybe because I knew that it would be the very last kiss I'd be sharing with Peter.

"Will you stay the night?" I whispered against his lips. Peter said nothing, he just took me by the hand and went to my bed with me. We lay down there. I had my head leaned against his chest, he stroked my strawberry red hair. It was just like any other night we'd spent together. Except that I wasn't sure if this was even real or just a dream. And that – of course – I knew that it was the last time we'd get to be together like this.

"Peter?" I whispered. I was afraid of waking up. I knew that he'd be gone forever if I woke up.

"Hm?"

"Is this real? Or is it a dream?"

Even though I didn't see it, I almost felt him smiling. "It is what you believe it is. It's not quite a dream and yet it's not real also. Though I can ensure you that you're not going crazy."

"That wouldn't matter anyway. After all that has happened, I've gone crazy already."

I looked up at him. He was smiling. He touched my cheek lightly before kissing me again. "You're not like any other person I've ever met. You are completely unique. That's what fascinated me about you from the very beginning, you know."

I laid my head back on his chest, closing my eyes and breathing in his scent. I didn't want him to leave me. I wanted to stay like this with him forever. And still I knew, like I hadn't want to accept to myself before, that I would have to let him go. I didn't have any other choice.

"You promise me, don't you? That you'll go back to living your life?"

It would be hard. I knew that it would be. But I still had to promise him. It was the most I could do to him.

"I promise, Peter."

He kissed the top of my head before pulling me closer to him, like he didn't want to let go of me either.

We stayed like this the whole night. When I woke up the next morning, I still wasn't sure if Peter had really been here or if it had just been a dream. Or if it had been a dream that was... _real _somehow. I felt slightly odd as well. I wasn't sure what it was. I still felt desperately alone and like I was about to break any second again.

But I had been broken already. And now it felt like there was some small part inside of me that was fixed again. A small part of my heart, two pieces that had gotten back together.

And maybe, just maybe, someday it would be whole again.

"Lydia?" I heard a knock on my door. It was Isaac. He'd been there in front of my door every day for weeks now. Every morning he would come and try to convince me to open the door. He'd told me that Derek had burned Peter's body and that he was sorry. He'd told me that they still didn't know where Scott was. He told me that all of them missed me. He told me that he had never wanted me to be this sad and broken. He told me that life was a mess and that it beat you up and left you broken on the floor.

He told me that his life was even more a mess because I wasn't part of it anymore.

"Please come out. Lydia. Please... Let me help you. Let me be there for you. Just... please."

I heard the hurt, the resignation in his voice. And even though it must have seemed hopeless to him, Isaac had never stopped coming to me. Every day he'd been there. He'd never given up on me, not even once.

And for the first time in weeks, I got out of bed and to the door, standing in front of it, hesitating for just a second.

Then I opened the door and let Isaac in.

**The End**


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